My mother views gift giving as a competition

[BWrose]

I have one niece who is adorable. She is a grandchild to my mother.

I remember for my nieces first birthday, I wanted to get a keepsake item. Something unique. I spent some months saving and looking around and planning. Eventually I found something. I fell in love with it. Something my niece will hopefully have for a long time to come.

At the time, my mother wanted to see what I got her and I showed her. At time, my mother nearly sank with shock. The item that I got wasn't big or expensive but it was beautiful and perfect. It was almost as if my mother was envious or felt inferior because she wouldn't be able to match what I got or something on them lines. It was never my intention to cause drama or a competition. In the end my mother wasn't organised on time with her own gift for the child's birthday and in the end she got me to put her name down on the gift as if it was a joint gift.

Ever since then, Christmas and follow up birthdays were nearly the same. I hate cheap plastic and I love planning and sourcing unique gifts. For last year's birthday, I found a beautiful and cute teaset. Again my mother probably felt inferior. She had her own bits got for a gift and in the end she wanted and pushed me into pooling our gifts together.

My nieces birthday is coming up and as usual, I planned in advance and I'm prepared in time. Again I sourced something I think is beautiful and stunning. It's a doll and some story books about the doll and adventures the doll and her friends go on. I love it. It's pretty, it's girly. My nieces likes books too and so the books I got, picks uo on that aspect. I hope my niece will like it. I think she should.

My mother asked me, what I got her and I showed her. My mother loved it and she spoke positively but I saw her face last night, as if she was seething. My mother then went on mouthing - 'what will I get her now' etc.

I sat down with my mother last night, browsing online and I gave her a few ideas. I showed my mother a girly dress up outfit and other bits. My mother shot down everything I showed her - 'that won't do...not good enough...'

Honestly, my mother is only viewing this as a competition.

Christening “my mother asked me and I told her”
Christmas “my mother asked me and I told her”
Birthday “my mother asked me and I told her”

Try these two sentences out

“I haven’t got round to it yet. I’ll probably get something next week.”
“No I don’t want to do a joint gift”

I also feel for the mother of this niece who I suppose is expected to grovel in Uriah Heap fashion at the benevolence bestowed upon her child.

There is probably another thread here somewhere

My sister buys my daughter very thoughtful but super extravagant gifts, my mother has been reduced to tears by it on more than one occasion as she will buy something perfectly nice and then DSis will rub her better, more tasteful gift in her face every time. DD is quite small and hasn't noticed but me and DH are already worrying that DSis will compete with us as she grows up for DDs best most cherished gift. My PILs have also commented that NO ONE is allowed to top DSis. It's so awkward. I don't know why she's being like this. WWYD?

Why don’t you involve her earlier then you can do a joint present? Wouldn’t it be lovely to share the delight of your niece when she opens it. You obviously have a knack for getting gorgeous presents, why not spread the love?

🤨 How old is this niece and does she give a shit about her presents, or does she care more about the box they've come in?

The odd keepsake gift is lovely for a milestone birthday but kids typically like tat over antiques... Get her one of those cardboard playhouses you can colour in. I guarantee she'll ignore her other gifts in favour of it.

I can't understand why you keep telling her what you have bought? How have you not managed to learn your lesson???

^^this

stop telling her and stop pandering to her!

Don't tell her. And in the nicest possible way a book, a tea set etc is a normal present & putting a lot of thought etc into a gift is easy online & no big deal. What is it about the gift giving thats such a 'thing'? Besting your DM or wanting the reaction when it's given? Or are you trying to 'buy' love? A child's gift is really not a huge achievement/event.

I can't understand why you keep telling her what you have bought? How have you not managed to learn your lesson???

You can understand. It's to show off, she likes to tell her mother "look what perfect thing I got, you couldn't possibly get a gift as good as mine, yours will be crap compared to mine" and then sneers as her mother frantically tries to find something that OP deems alright....

God, I couldnt put myself through all that. I love my son more than life itself but he is literally as excited by a £3 piece of plastic tat from the cbeebies magazine as he would be from a unique, beautiful, thoughtful handcrafted tractor made by belgian nuns, wrapped in paper made from the tears of a clown.

If giving a gift is about bringing joy to the recipient, then chances are your niece will have loved the gifts from your mum just as much as yours.

You are competing, but you dont think you are because you seem to think the "competition" is so wildly unable to meet your standards

Op has disappeared in a puff of smoke.