Train seats - was I wrong?

[Libertybells1]

Genuine AIBU here. Just got on a train to find a couple sitting in the seat I had booked and the one next to it. Didn't realise they were together at first so said to the lady in my seat "I'm sorry, I have that seat booked'. (Just for info, in ROI. Your name is on an electronic display over the seat. You can book a flexible ticket which lets you get on the train before or after the one you purchase the ticket for, but if you have reserved a seat, it's obviously only valid for the train you originally booked).

Anyway, the guy spoke up and said they had also booked the seats, and showed me their tickets as proof. After a moment's confusion, I spotted that their tickets were for the later train. They said they thought they could have those seats on whichever train they booked, but when I explained the situation they accepted it with good grace and moved.

Two more pieces of relevant info:

1. There were other empty seats on the train so I could have sat elsewhere but it probably would have taken a while to find one that wasn't reserved.

1. The man's seat was also reserved, from the next stop, so this may have arisen even if I wasn't the one to tell them.

Was I a cow? Why am I embarrassed?

Last time I did this was on the London to Edinburgh train. A very smart looking city chap, refused to move. He actually dismissed me with a wave of his hand!

Pretty sure that he thought I’d be intimidated and slink off when he refused.

Foolish man.

He moved.

That all seems fair :)

I got on a train once and there was a man in my window seat. Rather than sensibly sitting in the unreserved aisle seat, for some reason I said "you're in my seat" and he moved.

He then sat in the aisle seat. We were a good 30 minutes into the journey before I just sort of blurted out "I could have just sat there, couldn't I?"

Ended up having a lovely chat and he helped with my case the other end as we were getting off at the same stop.

Complete non issue all resolved amicably

I agree. 😊

Foolish man

He moved.

PinkCalluna How did you get him to go? Because really there’s nothing the train company even can do if someone point blank refuses. It’s just whether people can sit through the embarrassment.

Well done OP. I tried to claim my reserved seat, only to be told by the couple that there were no reservations on that train. I was until I saw the information sign saying that there were no reserved seats. What was the point of my booking one then?

'I agree that it's a non issue. But clearly this is on your mind, so I'm wondering why. Do you have problems with confrontation? Anxiety?'

Yes to both I suppose. I'm a funny mix in that I can be strong when I need to - i even manage a team at work and probably have a reputation as being quite tough (but fair, I hope). But being assertive doesn't come easily to me underneath it all, I really have to steel myself.

And I am definitely an anxious person. I was extremely anxious as a child and have been improving gradually by forcing myself to face situations that I find difficult. It's not the most enjoyable process but it definitely works! I obviously still have a way to go through, judging by the fact that I thought twice about this...

Nope you weren't being unreasonable. I'm in Ireland too and I would always ask someone to move (politely) if they were sitting on my train seat, cinema seat, at a concert, on a plane or anywhere else that i had gone to the trouble of choosing and booking myself. I know lots of people though who would just say "Oh just leave it sure there's other seats, I'll just take one of those".

Your seats, you get to sit there.

Cutie I was very polite, very firm and made it clear that I had no intention of backing down and going away. My voice was just loud enough that everyone else could hear and engage in “mean group stare”.

In my experience there are not that many people that can maintain a public position of wrong doing in the face of someone calmly, authoritatively and implacably calling them out on their poor behaviour.

I suspect he usually refuses a few times and the person goes away upset.

Nothing much embarrasses me - I would have stood there politely telling him how unreasonable he was until Edinburgh if I’d had to.

It took less than ten minutes in the end. I got smiles from the other passengers when I sat down.

As he got off after an hour or so, I suspect that train is his regular commute. It’s probably “his” seat.

Loving it PinkCalluna. Mean group stare .

Trying to teach myself to be more assertive. A lot of it seems to be about believing you’re in the right, so you just don’t back down.

The OP doubted herself, even though she was right. But we need to challenge these CF’s so it’s no longer worth their while trying to take the P!!!

I had something similar on the plane last year, except that we weren't sitting in the wrong seats, and the woman asking us to get out of HER SEATS wasn't as polite as the OP. Turned out she was in an entirely different row. What a muppet.

When I used to travel from Stockport to London the trains then used to be nightmarishly packed, especially on a Sunday, and I always booked a seat. Stockport is the first stop after Manchester Piccadilly, and half the time someone had sat in my reserved seat, which was indicated as reserved from Stockport-London, with your name on it.

Too right I turfed them out of my seat every time! Sometimes they then had to stand all the way to London.

You’re embarrassed because you are English and this sort of stuff is too much for us?
But you did the right thing, don’t worry.

I got on a train once and there was a man in my window seat. Rather than sensibly sitting in the unreserved aisle seat, for some reason I said "you're in my seat" and he moved.

I always book the window seat though. It sometimes has a phone charger socket, I like the views & then people walking down the aisle don't bump me with their bags.

And I am definitely an anxious person. I was extremely anxious as a child and have been improving gradually by forcing myself to face situations that I find difficult. It's not the most enjoyable process but it definitely works! I obviously still have a way to go through, judging by the fact that I thought twice about this...

It sounds like you've done well to overcome anxiety issues but don't worry too much about second guessing yourself, I'm sure most of us have been there. Last time I had to ask someone to move from my reserved seat I think I checked my ticket about 5 times before I piped up just in case

I thought saucy jack' post was really funny! I don't think it was intended meanly?

Well, of course it's boring on the face of it: "I got on a train, someone was in my seat, I asked them to move and they did."

Obviously, it would have been far more interesting if the other couple pulled guns on the OP who fast drew hers in return; shots were exchanged, innocent children and old ladies were caught in the crossfire, rivers of blood and body parts everywhere, meanwhile the train driver had a heart attack and slumped unconscious over the deadman's handle while the train sped up and careered wildly out of control as the SAS were deployed to slay the perps, rescue the hostages and save the day!

Boring as the original premise is however, it has resulted in an interesting discussion about assertiveness and train travel in general; it's prompted some anecdotal posts and got people chatting which is the point of a chat forum. The OP actually does what an OP is supposed to do, it's fit for purpose so the thread is a good one. Well done OP.

They said they thought they could have those seats on whichever train they booked, but when I explained the situation they accepted it with good grace and moved.

How dumb is that excuse!! Those seats on every train today are reserved for them under that reasoning...

You did nothing wrong, OP. Nothing.

Urgh, I hate people sitting in my seat. I'm quite immoveable about it - even if there are other empty seats, they might be reserved for later in the journey, and I don't want to have to move once I sit down. Plus I like to reserve a seat close to the luggage rack and with a power socket, etc. as I often take my laptop to work, so I want the seat I actually reserved!

'The OP actually does what an OP is supposed to do, it's fit for purpose so the thread is a good one. Well done OP. '

My work here is done.

ou’re embarrassed because you are English and this sort of stuff is too much for us?

OP's Irish?

This happened to me once going from Dublin to Cork, I reserved my seat and when I got to it there was a couple sitting at the table, nice people unloading a huge picnic, sandwiches, flasks, biscuits etc, I said to the lady that it was my reserved seat and my name was on it, "Ah ye I know she said but we always take the reserved ones, it's amazing the amount of times people don't turn up" fair enough but I had turned up.

Anyway we all agreed that I would just sit on the inside at the window and it wasn't worth arguing over, now by the time I got to Cork I knew their names, where they lived where they were born, how old all the children and grandchildren were, what they were all called, had been given a concise rundown on every pet they ever had, felt I knew the next door neighbour pretty well (they won and blew the lotto money you know)

I was flipping exhausted by the time I got to Cork from listening to them.

So to the moral of my story, shift the bloody cheeky feckers all the time, or you will have a throbbing headache that won't go away for hours.

You were not unreasonable Liberty

I have autism and find it very hard to think outside a straight line, as in, if it's my assigned seat I must sit in that seat and it doesn't occur to me to sit in other empty seats. I don't mean to be obtuse, it's just the way I think.

This happened to me as a student a number of years ago. Booked a seat on a Virgin train (booking name displayed as you said in overhead electronics over seat). Homeless kind of guy and his dog were in my seat. When I politely said excuse me please, I think you're sitting in the seat I reserved he told me to go away and find somewhere else to sit. I had to sit in someone elses booked sit and spent the whole journey fretting. (I'd saved money for that seat, I wasn't wealthy, and I like nknowing I have a booked seat. I was too young and full of anxiety at confrontation to stand up for myself, though I would now). I can see why you asked the couple to move - otherwise, wouldn't you be worried the whole time about being kicked out of the seat you'd taken from someone else in the first place?