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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is DP unrealistic?

42 replies

BlairWaldorfsHeadband · 31/08/2018 07:18

Ive posted about his weird sleeping pattern before, and most people thought he was being unreasonable. He has made steps to improve this and still is

However he is still staying up until 1am, which then wakes me up when he comes to bed. I originally told him to come up no later than 1 expecting him to not take until 1 but he did so Ive asked him to come to bed earlier. If I get woken up, I cant get back to sleep for hours. We have a 3 year old with autism and I'm pregnant so I need to sleep. He does sleep downstairs if he stays up after 1 to not wake me, and it isn't every single night.

His response is "but I dont get to play games and read during the day." Basically he wants to spend time every night gaming and reading because those are things he's passionate about. Ive told him that you cant always do that every day when you've got kids but he says I'm being unfair and everyone should have time for their hobbies.

I should add I do sometimes take DC1 out on my day off so he gets the odd day to do what he wants, but he says this isnt regular and so isnt what he wants.

I'm not in the wrong here am I? His expectations are unrealistic

OP posts:

OutPinked · 31/08/2018 08:15

I think the issue is more the fact he won’t wake up in the morning than when he goes to bed.

My DP sometimes will stay up gaming or watching something he knows I won’t be interested in. I don’t really mind that at all but he has to be up for work no later than 8am Monday-Friday so there’s no issue there. At the weekend we take it in turns to have a lie-in as we both work weekday jobs. That all seems fair to me. I prefer an earlier night than him so it works for us to do that sometimes.

The fact your DP is possibly lounging around in bed until 1-2pm is the issue imo. He needs to become stealthier at getting into bed too so he doesn’t wake you.

keefthebeef · 31/08/2018 08:16

Why can’t he play games and read in the morning?

YeTalkShiteHen · 31/08/2018 08:17

If he’s a father and needs 10 hours sleep he should be going to bed earlier!

All of us need down time, but most parents factor in sleep time too, instead of being an inconsiderate twat.

I’m up at 5 so I go to bed between 10/11 and usually get enough sleep. I wouldn’t stay up til all hours and expect DP to do all the running about with the kids in the morning!

YeTalkShiteHen · 31/08/2018 08:17

I get up at 5 to get my down time btw. That lovely 1.5 hours of silence so I can shower, read, have a coffee or 3 and just generally stop for a bit.

SunnyCoco · 31/08/2018 08:21

I’m sure the advice is going to be exactly the same as the last two times you posted exactly the same problem

Aridane · 31/08/2018 08:21

Are you the poster whose husband is being treated for depression?

Original poster

BlairWaldorfsHeadband · 31/08/2018 08:35

No, he has ADHD as do I. He has had depression but isnt currently depressed.

This isnt the same issue. The issue is he thinks everyone thinks like him and I'm the unusual one. He thinks everyone agrees

OP posts:

Dmacka75 · 31/08/2018 08:42

It doesnt matter if everyone agrees ir everyone thinks like him, its you and him living as a family so what matters is what works for the family and it doesnt sound like he takes that into consideration

NoSleepTil2030 · 31/08/2018 08:46

Still curious to hear wha6 his good pounts are and what you get from the relationship (when he's not asleep...)...

Original poster

BlairWaldorfsHeadband · 31/08/2018 08:50

Hes kind, hes a good dad with DC1, he is understanding usually, hes funny, hes nice to spend time with...

Are you asking what we have in common? I dont enter relationships to get something out of it, we are together because we enjoy each other's company and have a nice time.

Sorry if ive misunderstood the question?

OP posts:

keefthebeef · 31/08/2018 11:08

I can't fathom, this. If he needs 10 hrs sleep he can go to bed at 10 and wake up at 8 and play his games read then? What am I missing?

Original poster

BlairWaldorfsHeadband · 31/08/2018 11:23

He is a "night owl" and can't sleep if he goes to bed earlier, apparently. He cant play games in the morning because the games arent suitable for DCs to view. He could read though.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 31/08/2018 11:33

I would ask him to timetable his hobby hours and family time and agree they should at least be equal and also with a newborn/2nd child they need to take a bigger back seat...

I would tell him he has to sleep downstairs if he can't make it into bed before 11pm!

Foodylicious · 31/08/2018 12:24

I don't mean to sound awful, but really, what would he do/does he do if you are ill or incapacitated in some way?

Does he ever get up at a reasonable time to do something he thinks is important?
To work, see family/friends or on holiday??

NoSleepTil2030 · 31/08/2018 12:25

Thanks for answering. I guess I was just wondering why you are together tbh as from your posts he comes across as lazy, selfish and immature. Glad to hear he has plus points too. But he really needs to grow up and stop putting games ahead of his family.

AhoyDelBoy · 31/08/2018 12:30

You again what happened with his new medication? Has that helped? Sounds like not much has been resolved. Is he getting up before midday now?

Original poster

BlairWaldorfsHeadband · 31/08/2018 12:36

Was there a need to be rude?

The medication does seem to help slightly and he does get up slightly earlier but really struggles to get going. He's making a GP appointment as he feels hes given the meds enough time and they arent fixing it on their own.

He isnt lazy and selfish although I do think at times hes naive, not intentionally but in what he thinks is possible.

OP posts:

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