DSD playing victim on Instagram

[LadyRussell]

DSD is 13. Her mum has made her delete her social media accounts on several occasions due to being really inappropriate on there (basically)

I am FB friends with her and my DD who is 19 and does not live here follows her on Instagram and quite often screenshots things to me that DSD shares.

DSD has been through phases of self harming (more scratches) which we informed her mother about and supported her in getting support for her with and on several occasions DSD has posted on Instagram and texted friends that she has drunk bleach which has sent everyone into a massive state of panic and was complete attention seeking (I am of the school of thought that people seek attention for a reason and the root should be found).

I have spoken to her about being careful about what she posts on social media. She has lost a lot of friends over the bleach incidents.

Her mum got rid of the last boyfriend after DSD made a justified complaint to school about him and social care got involved (I also wrote to them).

We have a room here for them but they are adamant they want to be with their Mum.

Tonight DD sent me a screen shot of a post from DSD ranting about how truly awful her life is, how awful her sibling is, how awful her parents are, how she is being bullied, trolled, how homophobic everyone is
(She says she is pan sexual atm which both DH and I have been totally supportive about) but also about her “mums abusive BF” who as far as we know is off the scene but it’s not unknown for their mum to tell them to lie to us.

As far as we are aware there is no boyfriend - so what do I do as my DD having access to her Instagram is the only window we have right now into her social media use.

I have told DH that her Mum needs to be told what DSD is posting and DSD needs to use the correct channels to access support ie us, her mum, school. Not be this attention seeking victim on SM.

I have told him to lie (not ideal) and tell her one of DSD’s mates was worried about her and found him on FB and sent him a screenshot of the post. DH is worried his ex will go apeshit with DSD and no actually deal with it.

Do I take her to one side when she is here and just explain to her that she cannot keep posting this all over SM and also contact SC - again?

Is she having any form of counselling or therapy? Behaviour is communication. She’s crying out for attention which means she has got something she needs to get out of her head.

Yeah I know that.

She has a mentor at school but it’s not counselling and she didn’t reach CAMHS threshold.

We can’t afford to go private atm.

What does her father (DH) want to do?

Perhaps contact her school and email them the screenshots. The might keep a watch to make sure DN is getting help.

Leave her alone and let her at it.
Let her vent and make stuff up on instagram (a lot of this age group does) and ignore it unless she posts something about doing something dangerous.
Instagram's not real, its carefully curated for a specific online image. However distasteful and tacky it may be.
Also if she knows how closely she's watched, she'll just change privacy settings a little so your dd can only see certain bits.

Well the abusive boyfriend claims need to be investigated. I would see if the sibling can shed any light on that. But he sneaky rather than ask them outright as they’ll probably clam up. tbh though everything else sounds like she’s just having a rant. She’s allowed to do that isn’t she.

Your step daughter is clearly mentally unwell and needs actual help.

She has been assessed by CAMHS and they deem her not mentally unwell.

Yes it’s fine to vent but not to make accusations and basically slag off your entire family to strangers on Instagram.