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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this is really unfair

16 replies

goodnightwendy · 30/08/2018 16:55

So this is my first post, and I'm only a young mum (just turned 18). I have some mental health problems, and have done for years now. I have a 10 month old daughter, and she is all good. We're with SS because I have a history of being an in-patient due to my mental health and they were concerned my difficulties could make it difficult to care for her. We were put on child protection before she was born, but because they had no concerns about how I care for her, they moved us down to child in need in June. In July I was assaulted, and it's made things really difficult for me. I can't sleep because of the nightmares, it's constantly in my head, and i feel as if I can't escape it. I was diagnosed with PTSD. Since the incident I tried to commit suicide twice. I'm exhausted and feel trapped all the time. I just wanted it to stop.I'm with a 24hr crisis team but they werent answering. SS came out to see me last week. I've been very open with both them, and my mental health team about what is going on in my head. However I haven't told my family about the attempts (other than my fiance). Purely because my parents get angry about this kind of thing, and tend to cut me off for weeks at a time. They don't understand my mental health. I tried to explain that I can't handle that on top of everything else right now. SW said she still has no concerns about my ability to parent my daughter, and she understands why the suicide attempts happened. However, if I don't tell my family about my suicide attemps, they will have to put my daughter back on child protection, and then review that because even on CP they can't force me to talk about my MH. Theyd have to discuss the possibility of court proceedings. NOT because I tried to commit suicide. But because I won't tell my mum and dad. Because not telling my parents puts my daughter at risk according to them.

They then said it's my choice. But it isn't is it. Legally yes, but it's either I tell my parents or my daughter potentially gets taken away from me. They also threw in that I need to decide by tomorrow morning (calling me at 9am), as we have a family meeting next monday and it "may accidentally slip out in conversation". And that im "being inconsiderate of the uncomfortable situation I'm putting them in" when they're now doing the same thing..

Am I just being delusional or is this unfair. I'm an adult, it should be my decision but it seems like I have no choice!

OP posts:
continuallychargingmyphone · 30/08/2018 16:56

Yanbu

continuallychargingmyphone · 30/08/2018 16:57

I agree op but ss aren’t the most helpful unfortunately

NotAnotherHeffalump · 30/08/2018 16:59

Yanbu and I'm sorry you're going through this.

I would tell your folks though. Anything to avoid the baby being taken off me.

Timeforabiscuit · 30/08/2018 17:06

Are ss aware of what the likely reaction of your parents will be, and the likely implications of that and how that will affect you and your daughter?

Do your parents provide any support? If this could be withdrawn do you have any back up plans?

Get it in writing especially about you being told to disclose attempted suicide to avoid being put on child protection plan. In this instance you may well need to demonstrate that your parents arent good at handling this information, but you have your concerns noted for anything in future.

Nesssie · 30/08/2018 17:08

I don't understand why they would insist you tell your parents. What if you were nc with them?

Do they know that you have told your fiancé? I would ask them to explain the reasoning behind these demands, and if there are any alternatives. However if its between telling them and having the baby taken away, I would tell them.

Eatsleepworkrepeat · 30/08/2018 17:17

Why are your parents involved in the family meeting, is it because they provide support for you and your dd? I agree it will be difficult for it not to be mentioned, your suicide attempts are incredibly relevant to parenting your daughter (because if you die you won't be able to parent her anymore) so I don't see how they can't discuss it. But is it optional having your parents there?

goodnightwendy · 30/08/2018 17:20

SS know why I don't want to, and I have to tell them because they're part of my support system. But as long as I'm open with SS and MH teams I don't understand why I have to. I don't live with them and they don't look after DD, I haven't even seen my dad since February.

Reassuring to know that it's not just me that thinks it's not fair though. I have no idea how I'm going to tell my parents. And to make it worse it's been about 2 weeks since the last attempt so they'll be even angrier it's taken me this long to say anything..

OP posts:
goodnightwendy · 30/08/2018 17:21

It's not optional having my parents there.

OP posts:
Wishiwasa · 30/08/2018 17:29

Maybe tell your parents through a letter? You don't have to see our deal with their reactions. Remember that you are not responsible for other people's reactions to your actions. That is their issue not yours. Concentrate on yourself and your child. I'm glad you are being open with ss and mh teams. It shows you are actively seeking help and that is key. Things well improve and the fact they previously moved you to child in need shows they have total confidence in your parenting. This is a hard time for you but you are seeking help in totally the right way for you and your child. All the best. Your strength is amazing. You will go far x

llangennith · 30/08/2018 17:34

As you're legally an adult I don't understand why SS are blackmailing you into involving them.

Ihavethepower · 30/08/2018 17:49

Your parents already know about your MH as you've only just turned 18 and you've been unwell for years and had inpatient admissions.

They will also have been involved with SS around your DC so they already know about that too.

Are you saying in your OP you've been diagnosed with PTSD resulting from the recent assault? In addition to your existing MH problems?

pumpkintree · 30/08/2018 17:52

if all you need to do is tell them, then tell them then block them. somehow i don't think it will be that easy.

witchy89 · 30/08/2018 18:06

Do you have key worker through the mental health team that you could talk to about this? I don't know how SS work unfortunately but obviously your medical records are strictly private and I can't see that they would be able to force you to disclose information that you didn't want to, unless you had been sectioned? Maybe you could get your key worker to talk to SS tomorrow morning, as they will be able to explain the impact that this might have on you, and your relationship with your parents. I feel like you need some back up and support and your mental health team have a duty to provide that!

goodnightwendy · 30/08/2018 18:07

Thank you for the replies. Yes the PTSD is on top of the other mental health conditions. I'm really worried about this. I can't even get advice about this as they called me after CAB closed and are calling me at 9. I feel really trapped

OP posts:
MyBloodyMaltesersAreMelting · 30/08/2018 18:25

llang I think it’s because they are part of her support plan , although they don’t sound that supportive
Please don’t panic Wendy , can you ask for your social worker to come with you ?

Ihavethepower · 30/08/2018 19:10

PTSD shouldn't be diagnosed till at least 6 months after a trauma; particularly with pre existing MH problems. Any Psychiatrist should know this.

You need to discuss that diagnosis with your MH team, particularly as you're involved with SS who will seek advice from the people involved with you.

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