My DF does it all the time. I'm at the end of my tether with it. DD off school poorly and I have something I need to go out for so I asked if he'd mind sitting with her for an hour or so while I'm out. He usually comes on a Thursday in time for school finishing and stays for tea so really was just asking if he could come early. The last thing I said was don't come before 12.15. I've been up during night, I'm tired, I wanted a slob around in my pj's, have a potter & tidy up (ish). I step out of shower at 11.40 and he's already here. I've not had the half hour to get ready and the 5 minutes to tidy up. He lives 5 mins away, it's not like he has to factor in bad traffic or anything else that might hold him up.
Actually writing this down I think it's the tip of the iceberg, he's recently moved to be nearer us and I feel suffocated. He loves to be needed and used to do lots of wee jobs for his neighbours, but he doesn't have that now. How do I get him to start building a new life that doesn't revolve around us? I thought I'd love him popping in but he forgets to pop back out. One of my friends said I need to find the reverse of a toddler group, somewhere you can take your aging relatives to mix and make friends while you have a cuppa & natter with people in the same boat.