Do I have to tell my mum?

[Darknessinthevalley]

My mum is in the middle of a divorce. We aren't close, speak maybe once a month or so. She was with my step dad for around 15 years, and I'm fairly close to him, we've got loads in common and talk a little more than I do to my mum (there are reasons for this, really valid reasons). I'm meeting his new girlfriend next month, at an event that we all share an interest in. Do I need to tell my mum that I'm meeting her? It feels slightly disloyal given the divorce but I don't have the most functional relationship with my mum, whereas my step dad has generally been supportive and kind to me.

I think it would be a case of shooting the messenger if you tell your mum. It's hard when parents divorce, loyalty becomes a big factor. You said it yourself, you have a better relationship with him. I would stay quiet. She will probably find out eventually that he has moved on but this is not your battle, or your war. If she gets angry at you for not saying anything, simply explain. Why should you be caught up in the divorce? X

Be discreet, go ahead and just be yourself.

Thanks both, she occasionally asks about him, but she has also moved on. Just to be clear, this is my mum's second husband she's now divorcing, not my dad. She's really made the divorce the problem of my siblings and I, as its driven a wedge between her kids and his kids.

No, you’re an adult and can see whoever you want. If you’re close to your stepdad it’s entirely reasonable to maintain that relationship. It’s not fair of your Mum to make the divorce your problem.

Why tell her something that may only cause her hurt and is actually not her business?

No need to tell your mum anything, it's not her business.

Thanks all. My family makes me question things, mainly my sanity!