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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want DP to look for my mirena coil strings?

21 replies

GerddwrEryri · 30/08/2018 09:43

I had a random period last week and now I can't find my mirena coil strings. I never have periods on the mirena so I'm a bit worried about it. I asked DP to see if he could feel them for me and he said no. AIBU or is he? I think contraception is both of our responsibility and so he could at least try and look for them for me.

OP posts:

JellyBaby666 · 30/08/2018 09:46

Sorry but I think thats really odd. My OH never looked for or felt for mine - if you can't find your strings and you've had a change in your periods, go see your GP or practice nurse and get it checked. Yes contraception is dual responsibility but you also have to take responsibility too, go get a medical professional to check things over if you can't feel them. Him furtling around trying to find your cervix to feel the strings isn't taking responsibility for contraception!

Gigis · 30/08/2018 09:49

I think you're being a bit UR. It's a hugely intimate thing you're asking and if he doesn't feel comfortable doing it then he shouldn't have to. Can't you go to see a dr/nurse about it instead? Bit more faff I understand but more peace of mind that they'll know for sure whereas a squeamish partner might not be as reliable...

Lethaldrizzle · 30/08/2018 09:50

I wouldn't want my dp fiddling around up there unless it was for pleasure!

Breakfastofmilk · 30/08/2018 09:55

YANBU. I had to get my DH to this once, it was pretty weird but we both found more funny than anything.

At the end of the day, you both need to know if your contraception is effective. And if you can't ask your DH to have a look in there who can you ask?!

polkadotpixie · 30/08/2018 09:56

It's easy enough to check your own cervix (I did when TTC) and you're probably better to trust your own judgement anyway because he won't really know what he's feeling for

Breakfastofmilk · 30/08/2018 09:57

It's a hugely intimate thing you're asking

It is. I wouldn't ask a friend to do it. But my DH is the person I have an intimate relationship with, if anyone is going to do an intimate thing (which is in both our interests) then it should be him.

polkadotpixie · 30/08/2018 09:58

Apologies, I mis-read and didn't see you'd already checked yourself!

If he won't do it, do you have a drop in family planning clinic or similar nearby?

DameSylvieKrin · 30/08/2018 10:00

Unless he's worried about hurting you or dislodging the mirena, he's being oddly squeamish.
I don't see why this is more intimate than sex.
I'd do it for my wife. Probably much easier than the time I had to get her mooncup out when she got it stuck.

SleepIsNeeded · 30/08/2018 10:02

I'm really surprised by these responses. My DH feels my IUD strings for me, why wouldn't he? My cervix is very high and my fingers aren't long enough to feel my cervix unless I'm on or due on my period. I don't understand what's weird about it.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 30/08/2018 10:02

No, I wouldn't ask DH to do that.
Go to your GP & get checked.

Original poster

GerddwrEryri · 30/08/2018 10:03

It's easy enough to check your own cervix

But that's the point though, I've tried though and can't find the strings.

I don't see why this is more intimate than sex.

That was my point!

OP posts:

Ollivander84 · 30/08/2018 10:04

Can you feel your cervix and not the strings? Or can you not reach the cervix? If you can't reach, give it a day and try again, squat down while you do it

Cutesbabasmummy · 30/08/2018 10:05

Just get it checked at your health centre. I had a smear on Tuesday and I can't feel my strings as my cervix is very far back so I asked the nurse to check and she said she could see them clearly. My DH can't feel them either btw! The nurse did say that if I had more than very light bleeding or spotting I should make an appointment straight away.

Yutes · 30/08/2018 10:06

You’d be better going to a doctor or nurse who can use a speculum. Not sure having someone poke around (when they’re maybe not sure what they’re looking for) is going to be very comfortable

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 30/08/2018 10:08

I think you're going to get a lot of different responses here. I am squeamish and wouldn't like it if th r roles were reversed. But others are fine with it. Some couples use the toilet in front of each other and some prefer a bit more privacy. It totally depends on the type of relationship you have. But if he doesn't want to do it, is it really worth pushing it? Does he know what he's looking for etc? If he can't find it or isnt sure, you will still have to go to the clinic anyway. I agree men should have more participation in contraception but not sure this is the way forward...

JellyBaby666 · 30/08/2018 10:15

There's a difference (for some, me included) between pleasurable intimacy in that type of activity and my OH essentially performing a vaginal examination without having a clue what exactly he's feeling for. And if he can't find them, what then? You'll go to the doctor/nurse!

I would never have asked my partner to do it, but obviously each relationship is different. But ultimately, coils can and do move, I wouldn't mess around - get it checked.

fieryginger · 30/08/2018 10:16

My DH had had to retrieve a lost tampon once - tmi, I know, so I think yanbu.

I think you need to see your gp if you've previously been able to feel your strings and now you can't.

DarthLipgloss · 30/08/2018 15:29

Mine has put my mooncup in/out for me more than once and also (accidentally) pulled a Mirena out last year...yanbu

Talith · 30/08/2018 15:32

You need someone with a speculum to have a proper look. If you can't feel it with your fingers he probably wouldn't be able to either and not sure you could see much if you just try to look up a vagina. Get thee to the GP.

tccat · 30/08/2018 15:40

I had exactly the same, random period and couldn't feel the strings , went to doc who had a look, they had sort of gone up the way inside me, she pulled them down with a little hook thing and all good, said random period could be down to peri menopause which I'm in complete denial about!
If dh is willing to have a feel then why not

Original poster

GerddwrEryri · 30/08/2018 17:26

and also (accidentally) pulled a Mirena out last year..

Ooh ouch! How did he manage that??

said random period could be down to peri menopause which I'm in complete denial about!
Better not be! I'm only in my twenties!!

Well he had a look and said he thinks he can feel them. Mildly reassuring but not sure I trust him if he only thinks it. I'll try again tomorrow myself. Am away at the moment so can't get myself to the GP.

OP posts:

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