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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Necklace at work

48 replies

Flipside7 · 29/08/2018 21:42

On January 2018, my son was stillborn at 38 weeks. I am currently trying to go back to work, neonatal nurse, in the NHS. One thing I have left of my son is a silver pendant with his footprint on. On one of my KIT days it was pointed out I cannot wear necklaces. I cherish this item and would rather work at the tills at Tesco than be parted with it. Is there anything I can do? Am I being silly?

OP posts:

DidimusStench · 29/08/2018 21:56

I understand a little bit. I’m not allowed to wear my Mums necklace at work. She gave it to me when I got married and died shortly after, it helps me feel close to her but it’s for infection control reasons and I could lose my job if I purposefully ignore. She wouldn’t want that so I keep it safe at home and wear it when I’m not at work.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Perhaps it’s time to weigh up whether a change of career is on the horizon

girlalmighty · 29/08/2018 21:56

Sorry for your loss. I would find some way to pin it to you also.

Also I'm sure working on the tills at Tesco isn't that bad.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 29/08/2018 21:57

I’m not one for tattoos normally, but could you investigate having one of your son’s footprint? How would you feel about that?

MikeUniformMike · 29/08/2018 22:05

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sleepylittlebunnies · 29/08/2018 22:08

I am so very sorry for the loss of your son and I wish you well in returning to work. It will be hard wherever you work in a hospital with pregnant women, new babies healthy or not, even elderly patients dying can be extremely hard emotionally. But if your team are close they may be better placed to know what you need and to support you rather than starting a new role elsewhere.

Regarding the necklace; have you thought of photographing your baby’s footprint and keeping a copy on the back of your ID badge or made smaller and engraved on the back of your fob watch? Just thinking of items I always have on me at work. Otherwise a tattoo of his footprint may be worth considering and would always be with you.

Poppyinagreenfield · 29/08/2018 22:09

could you make another copy to carry with you in a purse or have a small tattoo done.

More importantly we carry people with us in our heart everywhere at all times.

Atalune · 29/08/2018 22:09

Perhaps you’re not quite ready to return to work?

It’s a terrible awful thing you have to endure. And working in neonatal might be just a step to far.

Wishing you all the best for the future x

hellotoyellow · 29/08/2018 22:12

I'm so sorry for your loss.

All of these suggestions are good except the one to give up your job. Move areas for a bit by all means, but you are an amazing, highly trained professional and we (I am also in a similar job, and have had recurrent early losses) are here to support each other. I have found my work family to be my best consolation even when the job is sometimes not my favourite thing. Find some place to put the necklace (on your bra) or get a tattoo or engrave the inside of your wedding band. Being human makes us better HCPs. Good luck.

Polly2345 · 29/08/2018 22:15

I have something similar following a miscarriage. When i'm not wearing it, it lives in a lovely silver pot on my dressing table.

AllyMcBeagle · 29/08/2018 22:17

I expect they would let you pin it to the inside of your uniform. There was that NHS nurse who sued because she was not allowed to wear her crucifix necklace and apparently her employer had suggested pinning it to the inside of her uniform (she refused as she wanted it on display).

And I am truly sorry for your loss

AlpacaLypse · 29/08/2018 22:17

Working on neo natal might be rather stressful for you right now, can you get yourself reassigned?

And yy a lot of previous posters are right - put the pendant somewhere safer than a chain around your neck, pinned inside your clothes is a very good idea!

We're not trying to minimise your loss, just trying to make sure you don't end up with a mess.

StuckSoutherner · 29/08/2018 22:24

I'm really sorry for your loss and totally understand why you would want to keep it. However, there are two things that would suggest to me it not being a good idea. Neonatal is a potentially fast paced environment, both clinically but also in general with small hands and feet going in many directions. If the necklace were to be damaged, or Lord forbid broken and lost, that is going to be devastating for you. The other being that neonates are susceptible to infection, so IPC is as critical as ever here and jewellery goes against the grain with that. I'm sure your little one will be just as close to your heart and just as proud of you for showing the love, care and dedication to these babies as you undoubtedly were for your own regardless of whether the necklace is around your neck or kept safely at home in a secure place ready to put back on. Good luck on your return to work, and condolences again 🤗

CrystalMazing · 29/08/2018 22:26

Could you attach it to your work pass?

wikedminx · 29/08/2018 22:27

I work in NHS and we are not allowed any necklaces or watches etc.. I have a fitbit and when at work I clip it round my bra strap. Could you clip the necklace round your bra strap, It would then be near to your heart xxx
I am sorry to hear about your loss xxxx

Ontheboardwalk · 29/08/2018 22:30

Something so precious as other PP have said could you leave at home and carry a picture of it tucked in somewhere?

To lose it would be devastating

CSIblonde · 29/08/2018 22:32

So sorry for your loss OP. Get a little velvet drawstring jewellery bag & safety pin to your bra?

LemonysSnicket · 29/08/2018 22:38

Agree win above. I'd also get several copies if possible

CSIblonde · 29/08/2018 22:46

OP velvet jewellery bags are all bit big but these are v light/ right size: Baker Ross mini organza drawstring gift bags from Amazon. £4.99 (couldn't paste link).

EleanorLavish · 29/08/2018 22:52

Taking it off, pinning it on somewhere, all likely to cause an accident where it gets left behind OP. Honestly, as someone says get a copy for work and keep original safe at home.
So sorry you are going through this.

Sparklingwinemakesmehappy · 30/08/2018 07:51

Get a pocket sewn properly into the inside of your uniform, right over your heart. Make sure it closes completely with a full Velcro flap. Then it won't leave you, it just moves down a few inches, if that.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/08/2018 08:26

I'm so sorry OP.

I would worry about losing it if you were to put it in a pocket or bra etc as you'd be taking your clothes off at the end of the day and you could forget about it.

A tattoo is an option. Maybe on your wrist so you can always see it?

Shoxfordian · 30/08/2018 08:49

Sorry for your loss op
Are you sure you're ready to go back to work? I agree its possible you'd lose the necklace from a pocket, maybe take it with you so you can wear it straight after your shifts?

Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 30/08/2018 08:59

Also NHS and think getting a picture of such a treasured item is a good idea. Things can get lost very easily and the pockets on the uniforms (I’m scrubs) aren’t that big or safe. I’m so sorry for your loss

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