To be miffed at my DH for saying this

[macondo]

My DH and I were having a conversation about divorce....the reason it came up was that a couple we know are getting divorced. We’ve also made wills recently and I was asking about what would happen to them in the event that we split.

Anyway in the course of this conversation, my DH said to me “oh you wouldn’t cope if we split up...” he was laughing when he said it but he insisted, when pressed that he didn’t think I’d cope.

Let me preface this by saying we live in my house that I bought in my mid 20s (he owns a property that he rents out) , I’m university educated with a good job and have always worked full time and contributed equally to the house. I’ve also looked after our DC single handedly while working while DH worked away for a period of time to further his career.

I’m bloody seething inside. Yes my DH does things about the house - washing, cleaning etc and is good with the kids but now I know he thinks I need him. I don’t know why I’m so angry about this. It’s like he thinks I’m weak when I’m far from it?

I told him in no uncertain terms that if he were to leave I’d cope and reminded him of the above.

Aibu to want to be so angry?

Whole not while!

I'll happily admit that I'd be lost without mine. I'm financially and generally independent, perfectly capable of surviving by myself but, after 20 years together, I'd feel like I'd had my arm cut off if he wasn't around. He feels the same. It's not just about keeping all the plates spinning.

I think it was his insistence that he’d be fine and I wouldn’t.

Sorry if that’s not been made clear.

Oooh I'd be f'ing raging.

It's actually funny that he thinks that though (and sorry, he must believe it to have said it in the first place! Unless it was a joke or he meant it lovingly, as in you couldn't cope because you love him so much??) But otherwise, yeah, pretty funny. Bless him..

So if you split up over this what happens to your wills? Or did you not get to discuss that?

It sounds like he's tried to deflect from his own insecurities that he wouldn't cope.

Tell him to leave his keys on the side on the way out. Fuckwit.

As per @MajesticWhine and @SecretNutellaFix said.

He's insecure and can't admit that he's the one who can't do without you, not the other way round.

Hope you told him off when you weren't in front of DC especially if any of your DC are female.

Yanbu. My ex once said "if you hadn't have met me, you would have become a heroin addict "

Fyi I was 20, living with my mum and working at I.C.I. Obviously well on the slippery slope, Iv managed to avoid the inevitable heroin addiction since we split too, a marvel really

People are dying in war zones. This is trivial and childish self centred nonsense.

We would both miss each other as I am sure you would. It’s all bs.

Of course you need him. There's nothing shameful about that. But he needs you too. That's the way it works.

I have come up to bed before I bash DH in the balls.

I was watching GPs Behind Closed Doors- which he scoffs at me for by raising his eyebrows when I say it is on. There was a man having a vasectomy on the programme. DH has just about come round to the idea and said yesterday he ws definitely going to have one. He watched this man- who groaned during the initial examination and pain-killing injection which were clearly a couple of minutes of discomfort. Apart from that he was fine. DH has announced he isn't doing it. 'I couldn't go through that pain, having my balls squeezed like that and then having a needle jabbed deep into them. He was in agony and he said he could smell the burning........he didn't even get a lie down and a cup of tea afterwards.'

I have just come up, had a bath and got into bed before I lamp him. This is a man who went faint when I was in labour with DS and the midwife had to get him sitting in the armchair and stuff pillows round him to support him until he perked up, so she could look after me. He also complained I was squeezing his hand a bit too hard and hurting him. He has clearly forgotten what I went through in childbirth - twice.

That sounds like a weird conversation.

In my opinion it shows very clearly how he truly feels about you and that he doesn't value anything you have accomplished.

YANBU. I'd be pissed off at this as well.

That's such a peculiar attitude - what does he think you'll do? Lie down in a darkened room and fade away?

My dad walked out on my mum after 30 years together. She'd never even put petrol in the car before! And she bloody coped.

I would find him a patronising git if it were me.

I’d be furious, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of getting a rise out of me. I would smile and nod, then file it away mentally.

Have you heard the phrase, “ half in fun, whole in earnest”?
No.