To not share our news?

[Cheekyfseverywhere]

Hi

Tonight me and my dh will be going for a private scan for a wellbeing scan I am currently 17 weeks pregnant with dc2 At the scan I have opted to find out the baby's sex (if baby allows) I wasn't initially going to find out but I had an accident last week that potentially could of very serious and I could of easily lost the baby so i have softend up to the idea and dh wants to know so i think it's fair.

Wibu to not tell anyone we know what the sex or we even went to this scan. Last time around when I was pregnant with dd I did find out and everyone knew and it just opened the door to lots of interfering with names, loads of unwanted gifts all in bloody pink tonnes of dresses which never got worn as they wernt practical and I hated them. I find its harder for people to do this if they don't know the sex.

Also last time mil really upset me over the name I chose I actually ended up calling dd something entirely different she didn't mean to and has since apologised but I know how people get about babies and for once just want something private between me and dh. When I say we wouldn't tell anyone I do mean all our friends and family I wouldn't secretly tell a few people and not the rest as I dont feel that is fair. Nobody knows about the scan at all not even my best friend.

What do you all think?

It's a difficult secret to keep, you may accidentally say his or her, he or she etc.

You don't have to tell anyone the name. Just say we haven't decided yet.

Don't tell anyone, nobody really cares anyway but like you say they all of a sudden have opinions on things that aren't their business like names etc

Of course you don't have to tell people.

You could tell them that you had a reassurance scan, if you wanted to, but you can say that you didn't ask to find out the sex.

If your baby has a nickname (we call ours sesame, for example) then refer to him/her by that rather than a gender. That'll help keep the secret.

Sorry to hear about your accident, but glad all seems to be ok now :) good luck with the rest of your pregnancy :)

Well i did think about the slip up but usually people refer to unborn babies as he but since I've had a girl I already refer to he and she depending on how the mood takes me I dont think anyone would read to much into it.

Another reason is because I think if I found out I was having another girl and anyone dared to utter words along the lines of that's a shame, try for a boy next or as long as it's healthy I think I might throttle them I think its a vile way of responding to someone who's just told you the sex of their baby. Im not phased either way a healthy boy or girl would be perfect so why should anyone else care.

Oh thanks Steph what a kind message.

i think its fine, just dont tell people you know but wont tell them- thats so ridiculous.
Best of luck with the scan

We did this with dc1 - found out, but didn't tell anyone we knew. It was very easy as we didn't find out at the 20 week scan, we found out at a later scan that nobody knew we were having and we'd already fielded all the questions about finding out! I think the most difficult way to do this is to find out, tell people you've found out, but then try to keep it a secret - if you say you haven't found out then people will stop bothering you about it.

We are currently doing this!

We have told everyone that we haven't found out. We didn't find out with our other two kids so everyone has just believed us, and isn't analysing our speech for a dropped pronoun because they think we don't know. I am loving having the secret we had our reasons for finding out, and our reasons for not telling anyone. It's totally doable.

Definitely don't tell people that you know but aren't sharing the news - that would lead to months of people trying to trick you into giving it away (because some people wouldn't be able to accept your decision).

Just read your second post and our reasons sound similar. I already have two boys, and as soon as I announced this pregnancy people started making stupid comments about hoping/trying for a girl etc. I'm having another boy, and am over the moon about it, and don't need people's "sympathy".

Oh no I certianly wouldn't tell anyone I knew I just think doing that would be mean I would play ignorant and make out I dont know dh is the same. Im so nervous about the scan because of what happened last week ive had the heart beat checked which did help my anxiety but I will feel much better once I've seen the scan. Ive had a total of 8 miscarriages 2 of which happened after dd so this baby is just as longed for and wished for as dd was and I can't get over the thought that I could of lost him or her. Sorry everyone I know I'm being a bit dramatic and I promise I will chill out after tonight I had to go all over the bank holiday weekend feeling like this not to mention the sheer panic over every twinge during the first 12 months. This anxiety isn't helping anyone! My poor Dh has been fantastic!

Just wanted to update all you lovely people. Thank you for the kind messages earlier it's nice to post in aibu without it turning nasty! scan went really well baby is totally fine from what happened last week and it looks like me and dh are to be blessed with a beautiful baby boy.. I tried my eyes out when I found out but they were tears of happiness and releif! I feel extremely lucky I was however very shocked as I was so sure I was having another dd. Dh is absolutely over the moon!

That's fantastic!

I don't think it's unreasonable at all to want to keep that to yourself. Eventually the baby will be born and everyone will know the sex anyway.

We found out with both of ours and told everyone we didn’t know what we were having. Didn’t slip up at all!

Hope the scan went well!

Don't mention that you found out, if they ask if you did say no.