Have I been had?

[whereisthatpenguinfrom]

Not so much an AIBU but have I fallen prey to a CF?

A parent of one of DD's friend messaged me the other day. Started by saying a close family member was at death's door. Then asked me to look after their DD. It sounded like one was linked to the other, so the way I understood it, I would be looking after the DD so they could visit the relative before they passed away.

I agreed to do it because it sounded like such a difficult situation. It was a tough decision because this was the first day in several years that I had booked off for myself - I'm a lone parent with full custody so I never, ever get a day for myself. It has been about 5 years I guess. I had already arranged paid childcare for my own DD.

Today the other parent's DD told me their mum has not gone to visit a relative, they have gone to work. So I feel pretty irritated. It sounds like they have used me as free childcare. We live in a place where there are options, so it is not like they needed to do this.

Maybe she told her DD she was going to work?

How did she know you would be off work? Did you explain your dd was in childcare?

She may have told her DD she was working to avoid difficult conversations about terminal illness. Or she may have had a last minute change of plans imposed on her. Or the need to deal with the relative may have meant she just hadn't the time to explore childcare if her needs were for a time period which fell outside normal child care hours.

Still, you know for next time.

You're clearly a nice empathetic person. Please offer to yourself the same care and consideration that you would offer to other people.

True, I didn't think of that. I guess I won't know until I speak with her directly.

Someone else was supposed to pick up the DD and is so far about an hour late as well.

The cynic in me says you have been had.
Sorry. I agree you sound lovely, that is why the mum asked.

Sitting here in a similar scenario so I feel taken advantage of too. Also an hour late funnily enough.

My DC left about 12 to go to my mum's for the night so I can have a day off work in peace but instead am stuck with cheeky fucker's friend's children.

Won't fall for it again.

Quiz the person picking up but sounds like CF.

I once looked after someone’s child when a relative was in a very bad situation. It was obviously genuine, the mum phoned me up in tears asking me to look after her dd right away. So I was happy to do that.

Anyway tread carefully. There are a lot of CF about but also many in genuine need.

So it was only for the morning?

You really don’t know the full situation. Maybe she told her DD she was going to work to avoid her asking to go with her and it might not be appropriate. She might have had to go to work first, it might be a complicated arrangement changing the hours she normally works so she can’t visit the relative after or something... who knows? But I’ve certainly told the children I’m working when actually I’ve had to go to visit an I’ll relative (that they’d like to see but it’s not appropriate) or had a hospital appointment. When they’re little the truth isn’t necessarily in their best interest and working is something they understand and aren’t upset by.

I can see why you’d be pissed off if she’s indicated that she has a dying relative and needing childcare because of that, to find out that’s she’s completely lied about the relative & actually just gone to work, but you don’t know if that’s the case or not. You may never know. If she asks again, you can always ask a few questions about where s she will be/how long etc or suggest other childcare options if it doesn’t suit you.

You're clearly a nice empathetic person. Please offer to yourself the same care and consideration that you would offer to other people.

^^ Agree.

I hope this is a case of the parent involved being euphemistic and not thinking it's time for this chat with her DD. If it isn't, I'm sorry that your good-nature and kindliness were mis-used in this way when your instincts and actions were so neighbourly and helpful.

I admit I used the going to work answer when my dad was in intensive care with the dc. I felt at the time it was kinder and to stop them worrying.

I’d be well pissed off if I was you and found out it was for work. I would be fine if they said they were going to work, it would be the CF part that would wind me up.

What happened in the end OP? Did the child get picked up? Did you find out if you had been taken for a ride?

What happened in the end OP?

This used to happen to me all the time. I had to do an assertiveness training course to learn to say no. I still find it hard though.
Someone above said you need to treat yourself with the same level of care you show others. This is a really good point to remember.