To get pissed off by strangers comments when baby cries in public

[Bowejangles]

Why is it whenever your baby is crying in public, on transport, in cafe's etc.. People more often than not assume they're hungry and some take it upon themselves to "tell you" as much?

This morning.. Sat in a waiting room with baby DS who is teething and has the flushed cheeks to prove it, complete stranger clearly irritated by the noise looks at me and says "your baby is hungry"

Instantly got my back up and I felt embarrassed as though I was being assumed to not know my own child or god forbid be starving him. He had just had his breakfast.

Aibu to be pissed off that people think its acceptable to interject judgemental remarks?

It's probably meant kindly most of the time, or to make conversation, but I also used to find it annoying. Or sometimes upsetting when you are sleep-deprived.

I remember the first time I ventured out to the shops with DD1, managed to go to a couple of shops and buy things, but then she cried on the way home. Someone said "I think she has had enough of shopping now, mum!" with a tone that implied I was always out shopping or something.

You know when you're pregnant and you're treated like public property? Strangers touching your bump/ judging you for x,y,z? This happens with young kids too. I wouldn't be pissed off, I'd just have said thanks, but he's just had his breakfast. I'm fairly sure he's teething, then if you're upset walk away and sit elsewhere

What I would say though is that you develop a thicker skin over time and these things won't bother you as much. And people hardly say anything at all when you have older children. Or even when you have two or more, there were far more "advice" comments when I was a first time mum. But most of the time I did feel like I knew what I was doing. I was 30 years old, not a teenager.

When it's a well intended comment I smile and ignore.

When it's a know it all comment I correct them and give them either my 'go fuck yourself' stare or my death stare.

Works well for me.

Just say "No he's teething"

I used to get this all the time. If we were shopping, waiting at doctors, in a cafe, a soft play etc. People would comment "oh someone is tired, hungry, bored" etc.
I'd get annoyed because they were all wrong. My baby was just a miserable bugger and cried all day everyday. I was always quite aware he was crying and really didn't need strangers pointing it out to me.

I’ve had that a few times and it really winds me up; having strangers tell me what my baby wants isn’t helpful. Same with family members actually.

Don't take it literally. What they're actually saying is "that noise is really getting to me (of course it is - it's what it's designed for), but I know he's not doing it to annoy, so please don't worry about calming him down for my sake".

While on the bus with 5 day old pfb ds someone told me off because "that baby is much too young to be out and about". He was crying because he was hungry and I was struggling with bf and really didn't feel able to try and do it on the bus.

It really upset me for ages afterwards. Pisses me off now as a more experienced mum as I know exactly what I'd do differently!

Just tell them to fuck off. It works

I always get “is someone tired?”. The hungry thing bothers me though because it makes me feel like they think I’m neglecting them. Look lady I just fed him and he puked up half of it he was so full so no, he isn’t hungry.

Glad people can relate!

I need to get a thicker skin that is probably true, I would just never dream of commenting like that myself (and I've been on busses and trains where babies could have woke the dead with their cries)

They probably don't mean any harm but for ftm's especially it can really make you feel judged

It doesn't stop at the baby stage. My toddler was crying in the supermarket and so many ppl felt the need to stop and ask, 'is he tired, is he hungry? Aw what have you done to him?' erm he's crying as he wants to hold a jar of jam, which we don't need as have loads at home and he'll probably drop it if I let him hold it, so he's crying but thanks for the input

I totally get you. It depends what mood I’m in, sometimes all I can respond with is a snarl and a death stare, other times I’ll smile sweetly and respond nicely. Some people have good intentions and are just trying to show you they empathise, others are grumpy buggers!

I think sometimes people are trying to be kind - my DM often says aw are you fed up of shopping/sitting still/whatever to crying babies as a way of empathising a bit with the parent and maybe distracting the baby for a minute or 2.

I hated people saying oh s/he's hungry when mine were babies as to me they had a very distinct hungry cry so I always knew if that was the case. With hindsight a baby crying probably sounds the same to strangers tho!