What is wrong with me?

[User123640872]

Longtime lurker, keeping it vague so not too outing!

Basically I’ve had a terrible year with work and health, after being ill at the start of the year I’ve gone through three jobs this year due to repeat illness only to find a job I finally love. I’ve been fitting in with everyone and it was all going really well until the end of last/beginning of this week when everyone has seemed to turn on me, I’ve been told off twice today for doing things my colleagues do that is acceptable and had a frosty reception Thursday and Friday of last week for no reason, just not the same one morning.

To add to this my relationship (one year) is going terribly. We live together and my partner seemingly hates me, he cheats emotionally and physically regularly and if I go to touch him he flinches, he no longer cuddles me, we haven’t had sex for a few months barring once three weeks ago and he turns me down regularly. When I ask what is wrong he says there is nothing wrong with me and he’s happy but considering how touchy feely he was at the start I can’t believe he is. Yesterday he said three words to me all day and as I type this we’re laid back to back in bed each on our phones.

I feel so alone in every sense of my world and I try to do everything I can to make people happy, work hard, keep a clean house and am willing to give my partner all the emotional and physical support he needs but I’m just not good enough for anyone. I feel so low and can’t see it changing anytime soon, I need my job and love my boyfriend but I’m not enough for either of them.

For the work thing - Sometimes when you are feeling low you can misinterpret things or things that would normally go over your head are more hurtful and take on new meanings. For me it's a bit like when you have a burn, things that wouldn't normally hurt suddenly do, you feel things you wouldn't do normally.

I'm not saying it's all in your head but give it another week or so, it sounds like this has come on quite quickly and may go just as fast.

For your partner- You know what you need to do, you just need to plan and execute it. How he is treating you is making you feel worthless. Instead of thinking "Why are those bastards at work being arses with me?" you are assuming it's something you have done.

You poor love. First things first. Your partner deserves to be dumped posthaste. Cheating is a deal breaker. Doesn't matter whether emotional or physical. You deserve better than to be treated like this. With regards to work, give yourself a chance to decide whether the job is the right fit for you. You have to feel comfortable and confident in what you are doing. It's been going well up to now so that's good. Can you have a chat with your line manager or a one to one to try and determine which area you might need more support in. If ultimately your workmates have frozen you out for no reason then that is a nasty and bitchy environment and I would be job hunting for something better.

Please dump him you k ow you deserve to be treated better . When you were told off for doing something dif you ask why others were allowed to do it? Perhaps you have misunderstood something or are taking it too much to heart. Without more details its hard to say

I agree with all the PPs but also wanted to give you an unMumsnetty hug.

I don't want to trivialise what you're going through but do you think you could have PMT/PMS (don't know which is right) as things were good at work and now you are down about it?

If your DO genuinely treats you like that, get rid! You will be happier alone than with someone who makes you feel shit.

Big hugs. Sounds horrible.
Gather your courage together and ask what has changed at work. O be you know, you’ll know what to do about it.
And your partner? Read your post back to yourself. What would you say to a friend? You deserve a faithful partner who gives you love.

It sounds like a real low point, I'm sorry, but I think basically I'd say it's the relationship that is really very obviously bad and needs to change. How easy would it be financially/in terms of living arrangements to get rid of him? Get preparations in place, then sit down with him and tell him that's it's over. I'd keep posting here for advice/hand holding on that.

With the job, maybe you were feeling down and misinterpreted things or maybe there is more to it - nothing obvious though from just two days so I would act like everything is as normal and carry on doing job as well as possible. I really wouldn't say anything along the lines of 'what have I done/what has changed' as it's most likely nothing and comes across as very needy. Deal with one thing at a time.

Health wise, can you go back to the doctor and ask them to run bloods to look into why you've been ill so much? Maybe you have a deficiency or something simple so rule it out. Take a vitamin, eat some veg. Do you think you may be depressed? Talk to the doctor.

Thank you all for your comments, you’ve all made me realise maybe it wasn’t work but my feelings of worthlessness at the moment. Today has been better with having that attitude so I’m gonna have to keep my work and emotions separate despite having no self concidence!

I honestly think I have depression and anxiety, whenever anything is going ok I worry and whenever it’s going wrong in a way I feel less surprised because it’s what I expect, and in all honestly I feel like my mental heath is terrible right now.

Breaking up with him would be easy, I pay all the bills and food etc., but I do really love him which makes it so difficult. When it’s good and he’s how he has been in the past it’s amazing, and I still see glimmers of that with little things like when he cooks and makes sure I’m ok when we’re just sat watching tv or whatever, but then days like the past few when he sits and says two words to me all day and is glued to his phone I feel horrific, the good days are far and few at the minute. I keep thinking it’s because he’s not working atm so maybe when he is and has something more stable in his life and to distract him it might be all ok again but honestly god knows

I also don’t have anyone at home I can talk to because I’m all honesty im so embarrassed by the situation and don’t want friends to judge my choices