AIBU or is this why no parents help with these things?!

[jessebuni]

Soooo maybe I’m being a bit dramatic but I’m getting very frustrated. My son has been a member of the local cubs group for a year now and my daughter is on the wait list for beavers. Now they are forever sending emails saying the desperately need helpers to volunteer and my husband does this as he was told that as long as there is an actual leader there then parents elders don’t need a DBS check (which doesn’t sound right to me because parent helpers still need them to help at school) anyway. So he helps at cubs most weeks. About 5-6 months ago they started sending emails saying that three of the leaders were moving up to scouts so they need new leaders that can commit to at least one week out of every four. My husband again volunteered and we emailed saying he was happy to become a leader what would he need to do next? Anyway, since then we have spoken to multiple leaders/helpers involved with cubs to ask about how to do this and they are always enthusiastic but vague in person but then no emails of paperwork ever materialise. They sent another email last week saying they are desperately in need of helpers and leaders or they might need to close the unit. Once again we replied. A week later and we’ve heard nothing. Not a reply to acknowledge the offer to help and become a leader. Nothing. So surely they can’t be that desperate can they? If they can’t even reply to someone who has been willingly volunteering for months! The plan was that both my husband and I would become leaders and trade off weeks when he was working late so one of us could cover most weeks. It just makes me think that maybe this is why parents give up volunteering to help with things if it’s so bloody difficult to sort it out.

That’s so bloody annoying

Is there a higher body you can email?

Sorry I don’t mean a complaint

Dh was a volunteer coach in one of the dc’s sports team.

It was bloody thankless. Parents moaning, people taking the piss and dropping out of games last minute for no reason...then he was getting shit from the higher up leaders, spending hours of his time etc.

He’s quit and we’re all completely relieved, even the dc who had initially been thrilled at the thought of daddy being a coach.

Contact the Group Scout Leader or the District Commissioner. I'm sure you will be welcomed with open arms.

I’m a guider not a scout leader but I imagine it’s similar. It all comes down to local organisation, sometimes people are great about new volunteers, sometimes not so much. No one at local level is being paid and everyone has a different amount of time to commit so it will vary a lot.

Re DBS our rules say that occasional parent helpers (I think 3 meetings per term or less but I’m not 100% on that) don’t need DBS but won’t ever be left alone with a child/children. I think the reasoning is that we’d never be able to operate a parents’ rota otherwise.

Are you sure your emails are getting through?

I think I would go above those you've emailed.
For starters, you do indeed need a DBS check, I've volunteered as a parent when DS was at Beavers and all parents had one done as we had a rota system, no DBS meant no way you could help. They're clearly clueless as to the rules so it's no wonder they've ignored your DH and his very kind offer of help. We would've been glad of it at ours.

members.scouts.org.uk/supportresources/4020/occasional-helpers-and-section-assistants-faqs?cat=268,271,279,595&moduleID=10

No DBS unless volunteering more than once a month or you are with the kids unsupervised

Yanbu, that’s pretty poor really

I know in Guiding occasional parent helpers don’t need a DBS and therefore can’t ever be unsupervised with the children. I don’t know if Scouts is the same as the two organisations are separate, but it would make sense as many units can’t function without parent helpers, as long as the parents are always supervised by a leader (who would be DBS checked) I imagine it’s ok.

If your DH is helping most weeks I would suggest he’s more than an occasional helper and should be DBS checked though tbh.

I’m surprised they’ve not bitten his arm off if he’s offering to be leader though! I believe there’s a leadership qualification and would imagine there’s some kind of training or mentoring that should be in place?

The leaders are volunteers. If you’re not in Scotland it’s still the summer holidays, some leaders do like to have a proper break from Scouting over the summer. And people are away and it’s hard to co-ordinate people who all have different holidays. It’s not great to ignore volunteers though, especially one willing to train as a leader!

Scouting and Guiding are very rewarding to be a part of. It’s great to be able to give kids the experience but it’s a great personal experience for leaders as well, which is why so many people do it for decades. I hope this doesn’t put your DH off volunteering, he’s very much needed!

Scouting and Guiding are very rewarding to be a part of. It’s great to be able to give kids the experience but it’s a great personal experience for leaders as well, which is why so many people do it for decades. I hope this doesn’t put your DH off volunteering, he’s very much needed!

Totally agree

We have spoken to the group leader. This was before the summer holidays started. We mentioned it again when husband helped out at the cubs camp before summer. He helps nearly every week and has done since about March so by those rules I would imagine he does indeed need a DBS check but again we have asked various people including a mum who is admin helper for a local beavers group because she’s a parent at the kids school and she explained about the leader thing that it’s mainly a dbs check and application followed by a straightward interview at a local place and then obviously he would be a trainee leader while completing various training things. My son loves cubs and our daughter is on a list for beavers and if my husband becomes a leader that will also move her up the list but it’s certainly offputting not getting any straightforward responses. I wouldn’t have worried about chasing people over the summer holidays but we got an email last week specifically asking for volunteers which we replied to and have heard nothing back which personally I think is a bit rude and husband is getting a bit stroppy about it since they’ve been supposed to be sending him paperwork for months and months.

For context, I am a Brownie leader. I can see it must be frustrating but I'm sure they really do need your DHs help, if only to manage their communications a bit better!

First of all, do make sure they are actually receiving your emails and they're not just ending up in someone's junk mail, and equally, make sure their responses haven't ended up in yours!

It sounds as though it hasn't actually been that long, although I'm sure it feels frustrating to you. You say you spoke to the group leader before the holidays started and mentioned it at cub camp (at the start of the holidays?) which, given that this is an organisation run by volunteers and it is the holidays, isn't really that long.

I would suggest that communicating direct with the GSL is likely to be the best way forward. Other leaders/helpers might sound keen to help you with your enquiry but won't necessarily have the authority to act on it and push things forward for you.

My husband first said he would be happy to be a volunteer back in March so that was nearly six months ago so not that short a time. There doesn’t seem to be an email issue as we’ve had replies previously regarding payments for things and when we had to let them know our son wouldn’t be attending due to illness so it’s not going to junk and we have double checked junk mail our end just in case the paperwork would be sent from a different email. Like I said above if i wasn’t really expecting a reply from them over the summer holidays but since they emailed to ask again about urgently needing leaders and helpers surely they could’ve done something about it? The camp was back in June also so even if they forgot the first time my husband mentioned it in March and actually again in April to someone else then when at camp he said it to all of them then surely someone could’ve done something? I think he’s going to mention it one last time when they start back up again and if they don’t sort a dbs check or something then he probably won’t bother chasing them any more. We don’t want to get in trouble for him helping at the meeting every week and him not having any checks etc. We’ve tried and surely they can’t ask more than that.

the first time my husband mentioned it in March and actually again in April to someone else
As I said, speak to the GSL and get the contact details of the person (it's likely to be one specific person) with responsibility for dealing with applications from new leaders.

then when at camp he said it to all of them then surely someone could’ve done something?
Don't you think they might have had other things on their mind at camp?

We don’t want to get in trouble for him helping at the meeting every week and him not having any checks etc.
You/He won't, 'they' will.

This is so frustrating! My DH responded to a request for volunteers for our local group and hasn't heard a peep back from them months later. Makes you not want to bother to help next time they ask.

Yes of course at camp they will have lots to think about but this was at the end when the kids had gone except those who were the children of the remaining helpers and leaders as it was a topic they brought up as they would be short three leaders in September. So since it was a topic they brought up and were concerned about you would think they would surely remember someone saying they’d do it. I understand they are volunteers and have a lot to organise but they complain when parents don’t help but it doesn’t seem to be that easy to help and after a while people will just stop offering which is a shame because obviously things like scouts can only run when there are volunteers. It makes me wonder if every cubs group like this or is ours just particularly disorganised? DD did rainbows (which she stopped in July as she wants to do beavers instead) and the main leader for that was so organised she’s a little scary! She would be chasing for permission forms for things months and months away haha but things got done and she did a very good job. It’s a shame cubs seems to be the compete opposite. And again this may not be all cubs groups it might just be this one I don’t know.

I joined as an assistant beaver leader. After 8 months I still didn’t have any training materials and hadn’t been invested despite chasing and chasing and chasing. I left.

Sometimes your face does not fit .
There is scouts web site
Go 9n therr and there there should be a local area part where you can apply online .
Is your pack attached to church do you go there .
Do you go to church ?

scouts.org.uk/get-involved/

(Just because you posted in AIBU).

Maybe they just don't like him. Is he too strict/too lax?

I had a similar situation with the pony club. It turned out the they didn't really want me to help and we trying to get some new parents, who they admired, to help. They kept emailing saying things would have to be cancelled, I'd offer to help, either no reply or a vague one. Eventually new (rich) parents volunteered and they wrote an email to say how brilliant they were for volunteering and now the event could go ahead

I tried not to take it personally!

Yes of course at camp they will have lots to think about but this was at the end when the kids had gone except those who were the children of the remaining helpers and leaders as it was a topic they brought up as they would be short three leaders in September. So since it was a topic they brought up and were concerned about you would think they would surely remember someone saying they’d do it.

I really do understand what you're saying and I would also find it frustrating. But I can also see it from the other side. Whenever I've taken my Brownies away, I am absolutely wiped out by the end of it. The weekend is just the culmination of weeks/months of planning. When I get home, there is still paperwork to be dealt with, equipment and resources to deal with, my own children to catch up with, and my full time job waiting for me the following morning, not to mention 101 emails from parents about their child's lost sock/hat/mug. I'm not complaining (it's my choice after all), but personally I might easily forget what someone had said at the end of camp unless they followed it up with an email when they got home (which is what I advise people to do).

But yes, all groups will be different because they are run by volunteers with varying amounts of time to dedicate and different skill sets. Some groups may be excellent at the paperwork/admin/comms side of things whilst others may be better at delivering an amazing programme of adventurous activities.

I've had the same with our PTFA. After going along to the meetings a few times, it became clear that they wanted to pick their own higher profile village mums to help.
I gave up after a short time.
It's not good but there you go.

After going along to the meetings a few times, it became clear that they wanted to pick their own higher profile village mums to help

This is much more common than people think