How to Avoid Wedding Nightmare - AIBU?

[PinotNoir88]

This could have gone in weddings section too but posting here for traffic.

I am getting married in 3 months and feeling increasingly nervous about the day. I'm so looking forward to marrying my partner but it's the thought of all the different friends and family in the one room that is making me nervous. I'm sure this is fairly common for some people and would be appreciate advice if anyone has experienced this.

So as not to drip feed - my family are small (only 3 surviving) but very very weird and I'm not to too close to them (unhealthy history) but things are on a polite enough level that I feel they ought to be there. Sometimes they are snobs and say awful things about people. They are also INCREDIBLY socially awkward and my awkwardness is nothing in comparison. They make others feel on edge at best. I'm worried they will say something embarrassing or humiliate me.

I have moved around a lot in my life and therefore my friends are all from different parts of the country/world and also different fields etc so I am worried lots of them won't know many others and may feel awkward / not relaxed. Lots of my friends are bringing their partners who I know, but don't know as well, so I am visualising lots of awkward partners wishing the day to go as quickly as possible.

Also because of this I don't have a single 'core' group of bestie's to invite to a hen do, but disparate close friends living in different places, only a few of whom know each other. Not sure what on earth to do for a hen do that will help them to bond, and again don't want it to be too awkward or too much of an imposition in everybody. (i.e. travelling a lengthy distance to spend a whole day / weekend in the company of strangers...)

I know that I should feel confident enough to think it doesn't matter, or that they are my friends and they will be happy to see me happy, etc etc... I just can't help feeling anxious the whole time that the day will be a flop and people won't gel, or worse my Adams family members will make me feel mortified!

My plan at the moment is to provide plenty of food and drinks, good music, and hope that does the trick. I am also hoping my in-laws will keep my family busy so that they don't speak to any of my friends.....(joking not joking).

Help please!!!!!

I think the thing to do is not to overthink it - you honestly won't have that much time so see all the social nuances going on during the wedding in all likelihood. I had a disparate set of friends, awkward and judgy inlaws and so on and it was fine. I think your plan sounds just fine! Good luck, congratulations, and enjoy!

We live in one part of the country. We have friends we've made since moving her, family in four different parts of the county and friends even more spread out than that.

To ensure that there was no (or as little as possible) awkwardness on our wedding day as these different groups met for the first time she didn't have a clue who anyone else was, we organised a meet up in a pub (the one next door to our venue) the night before. It was extremely casual, and no pressure at all to attend of stay for a specified amount of time. But as most people had travelled down for the wedding the day before, they came along. It meant that DH and I could introduce people as we weren't swept up in the busyness of the wedding day and the night went off an absolute storm. The next day, those that were there on the night before greeted their new friends warmly and everyone had a lovely time. It was especially good for those friends who had travelled down in ones and twos and didn't know anyone else at all.

For your hen do. Why not pick am activity that will keep everyone busy? That way there's no awkward standing round and trying to make small talk? I did Go Ape. I brought in about five different groups of friends, some of whom had never met each other, others who were really close. It worked well as we did it as a group, but you essentially do the sections of course alone, so there was no cliques. Everyone cheered everyone.

Good luck with it! Could be worse than Addams Family. Myself and my bestie refer to our families as Jeremy Kyle families. She's currently winning though.

You don't have to have a hen do

OP I was in a similar situation with the hen do thing, group of people ask friends of mine but from different areas, different backgrounds, different generations. We did a three team escape room, not one with zombies etc (it later featured on R4 so very Mumsnet) we then went for brunch, bottomless for those who wanted it and then took the day from there, including a pub with an adult size ball pond, some live music, dinner etc, some people came for the morning others joined later in the day, we ended up at a club but with a retro night so everyone was happy. The focus initially being on doing something really broke the ice though and it was a real laugh, and almost no one there had done anything similar before. (We went to cluequest )

You are over thinking it. I used to do that at social stuff as I have mild social phobia (never taught social skills). You don't have to have a hen do. If you really want one make it an activity so not too much need for making conversation. talking. Enjoy your wedding.

You won't know a lot of what is going on at your wedding, so don't stress about it!
There is no need at all to have a hen do if you don't want one.