Leave two children at home

[cantfindamoniker]

Dc1 (14) and dc2 (12) argue and bicker constantly (pretty much). Dc1 is a 'very full on' teen, but close to my mum. DM has offered to have all 3 so that DH and I can go away for 3 nights (20th anniversary). Having just come back from holiday, it's fair to say that my poor mum is likely to find all 3 very hard to manage. She's in her late 70s too. So I suggested she had the two oldest and that we took the youngest with us. Not ideal but there isn't anyone else we can ask. However, the oldest 2 have let us know they will be jealous. They haven't made a big deal out if it (yet...) A friend said they thought this was a 'spiteful' thing to do. Is it? We have had one night together away from the children ever. That was our 10th anniversary. AIBU?

How old is DC3? I can see why DC1 and DC2 would be upset by that but can also understand why DM might not be able to have all three if DC3 is very young

I wouldn't do it. It's not like it's going to be a child free relaxing break so to the kids it just looks like you're favouring the youngest.

How old is your youngest? Surely a 14 and 12 yo don't actually take much looking after? Do they not behave better for their gran anyway? I know I always did. Even my 2yo behaves better for his gran 😂

I have teens and preteens close in age so I know how hard they can be. I would however, find it hard to take one child away and leave two behind. I also think it's a big ask of your mum to have all three. Having only had one night away ourself in almost 16 years, I'm afraid I would suck it up and either take all three or none at all.

Let granny have them. Children are often much nicer to people other than parents and outside their own home.

DC3 is 7.

Could you just go away for one day & night then it's not as much for your mum to handle? She could even look after them in your house so she doesn't really have to entertain them?

Could DC3 go to a friends instead?

DM helps me out a few times a week, so she knows what they can be like I guess. DC3 is 7. The older two often go to holiday camps together. DC3 sleeps in our room when we are on holiday and the others two bunk together. I was trying to see it from all angles. Dc3 us still the baby to us. We really could do with a night away though. We have been so focussed on the family and need to reconnect. Maybe if we just go for 1 or 2 nights and stay locally it might be better then?

“If I also leave dc3 with granny I will be counting on you to help her out as much as possible and not squabble with your sibling.”

Is the natural answer to that.

Can they officially stay with grandma but arrange sleepovers with friends for one or more of the children? And/or just go somewhere locally for 1-2 nights. Absolutely a night away for your anniversary should be something you do without the youngest coming too and sharing your room (doesn’t that rather defeat the point?!). But your Mum isn’t obliged to provide you with childcare and nor is she ‘spiteful’ for not being able to handle all 3 at once, especially given her age. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your mum so I’m sure there’s a workable compromise that gets you some much needed couple time and is ok for her too.

My mum has offered to have all 3. I can see it's probably best to stay locally for one or 2 nights in case it's too much for her. There isnt anyone who will be around that weekend for Dc1 and dc2 to stay over with. But yes I could arrange day trips for the older ones to.make it easier. Thanks all