To not know to to respond to insults?

[BertieBott]

At work today (big office, so you don’t know everybody) I was at the photocopier and someone I have chatted with a few times was there.

I have my hair dyed one of the strange colours. Part of the reason for this is that I had dc young and never got the years of teenage experimenting with hair etc. This of course if none of his business.

He said ‘why did you decide to do all that to your hair? How long has it been like that?’
Me: oh, it’s been pink for about a year, it was purple before that.then he says deadpan

Oh, are you having a midlife crisis?

I said ‘I just fancied a change’.

Then he said if I did something like that my girlfriend would leave me for not being stable then he walked off.

Does anyone actually say ‘did you mean to be so rude?’

You couldn’t laugh it off as he was dead serious? What would you have done?

I would have said “That’s probably not why she would have left you...” and walked off.

I'd have said a slow "Riiiight ..." accompanied by a raised eyebrow, as a comment on the fragility of a relationship that could be broken by a change of hair colour.

Or, if I'd thought about it, feigned concern by saying, "Oh, so sorry, I didn't realise the two of you were having problems. Have you thought about counselling?"

(It's unlikely the latter would have occurred to me in time)

I would have said, "Please can you stop making personal comments about my appearance."

Oh are we trading insults are we. Pull up a chair and get comfortable. This could take a while.

"Were you born rude or have you just practiced a lot?"

They weren't insults.

The first was a real enquire as was the second. The third was a comment which could perhaps be seen as inappropriate.

However, I find an effective riposte (for want of a better term) is beckon so they lean in and you lean in too. Then a hushed, slow "fuck off, cunt!"

‘If she’s dating you, she’s the unstable one’.

‘You mean she hasn’t already left you because of your body odour/halitosis/weight problem/tiny cock?’

I appreciate it's not always easy to think of such responses at the time. If you find yourself tongue-tied a swift kick in the nuts is a practical and satisfying alternative.

"Perhaps you and your girlfriend need to loosen up a little".

Ooh, I forgot this one - ‘Your girlfriend? I heard she’d already left you for that bloke she’s been shagging on the side... oh, not yet then?’

I would have said ‘I’m surprised you have a girlfriend with an attitude like yours’

“What a sad little world you must live in if hair colour is world changing”.
Although I’d have probably mumbled dick under my breathe and walked away.

Should have said “it’s funny you say that as I thought it wasn’t you she was with when I saw her out the other night”

His relationship must be on a shoogly peg if it would end over a hair colour change.