DD (who is 7) was due to be spending two nights having a sleepover with her best friend, but when I spoke to her this evening she sounded unhappy and said that she wanted to come home. So I went and got her. Best friend's mum was being a bit odd when I got there, listing all the fun things they had done and saying that dd was very tired.
When I got dd back into the car she told me that the mum had made them do spelling tests and maths questions and told her that she was stupid when she made mistakes. So as not to drip feed, although I don't think it is relevant, the spelling tests were in dd's second language - the language they use half the time at school.
But whatever the language, AIBU to think that this is an appalling way to treat a visiting child? I've had to fob the mum off before when she has asked about dd's school reports, but this is much, much worse. D is really upset and thinks she is stupid and I'm not sure whether to say something?
I've been slightly wary of this mum for a while as she seems to enter into the kids' friendships in a rather overbearing way, and I could imagine her deliberately trying to make things difficult for dd if she took against her. But ffs.
AIBU?
Just had to collect distraught DD from sleepover
DiDonk · 28/08/2018 20:00
I also think the mum was trying to see how her DD and your DD compared to each other - which in itself is awful let alone the telling off comments 
From your first post I knew this was in France. I spent a couple of very long summer holidays with French families when I was 13/14 and the children of the families had to do "work" for 30 mins to an hour a day, and that was many many years ago. I now live in France and I see the same thing with quite a few of the friends of my children, particularly primary school age.
One of my DC, aged 9 at the time, came back from a sleepover horrified at being made to do an hour and a half of tests, spelling etc and vowed not to sleepover there again. The parents were lovely and kind but very fussy and "competitive". My DS remained friends with their DS until their DS was bumped up a class (they've only just stopped moving kids up and down classes recently!) and then moved to another school, but never did a sleepover again at his. Their son had fantastic results in all tests but only because he learned by rote, which is fine if you have a good memory.
As for the mum telling your DD that she was "nulle" - that's just downright nasty. But unfortunately each of my 3 DC has been told at one time or another that they are "nul" (by teachers in a "good" school) and my close French friends said it is horrible and rude but "that's the way it is"!!! My youngest DS was asked mockingly, in front of the class, by his maths teacher if he was "dyslexic" as his writing was not great!!! He's left-handed 
and good at maths. Sorry, I digress.
Maybe stick to play dates at your convenience and avoid sleepovers until your DD makes other friends. There are plenty of lovely French families who don't "test" their DC and friends at home.
I have spent a lot of time in France. I spent my third year at uni there and one of my closest friends is married to a Frenchman and has lived in France with him and their 4 DC for 25 years.
I don't think they do spelling tests, but she's English so I guess that explains it. I have noticed that her DH has always spoken very harshly to the DC, and so does she. I haven't heard them say 'Tu es nulle' to any of them, but it is a common expression in French. And I definitely agree that French people are more direct, and come across as being very rude sometimes.
I definitely wouldn't send your DD there for a sleepover again. Who would ever do tests on a sleepover anyway? I wouldn't want to do that, sleepovers are challenging enough without giving myself extra work! 
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