So I am currently lying on my bed having a cry because my husband has made me feel like shit but AIBU?
I am about 4 months pregnant with my first child. I have suffered regularly from UTIs since I was about 18 (I am now in my mid-30's). I have struggled this pregnancy because things down below haven't felt exactly 'right'. It doesn't hurt when I pee but I don't feel 100% down there after I pee. I am peeing more frequently but I think this is normal? Some days I feel fine and others less so (more urination and more weirdness in my urinary tract). I have seen the doctor and my urine test was normal. They are going to check again at my next visit in a few weeks but the doc says that if I wasn't pregnant she would give me antibiotics but as I am she doesn't want to without a definite diagnosis.
As a result of all this I am nervous about sex. I know that after sex it sometimes feels worse etc. I thought that my husband understood but he has just had a conversation with me about how I don't really fancy him anymore and how I don't take care of him like I used to. I have offered to do other things for him (use your imagination), he just has to let me know when he's in the mood but he says that I should be the one to come to him to make him feel wanted. He also said he is too scared to come to me because the last time we had sex I freaked out. I didn't, it's just that he licked his hand (sorry TMI) and decided to rub my fanny with his hand when I specifically told him to avoid my UT area. So I pushed his hand away and said hat are you doing? We then continued and all was fine but clearly this has stuck in his head.
The last time we had sex was about a month and a half ago, but he was away for 2 weeks of that time. He is working all the time and when we get to Bed it is often late at night and I am more tired than usual, so I don't initiate things. I told him that and he said that I am making excuses and then says it's fine we can have sex again in 2 years (because I will be breastfeeding). I said comments like that aren't helpful and he said, well it's the reality.
He then said that he had discussed it with friends at work. He said told them that I was too nervous to have sex (didn't mention the infection issue), and they all said that their wives had increased libidos during pregnancy. I said I couldn't believe he discussed that with people from work and started to cry and he can't understand why I am upset. He said that he was gossiping with them just showing that he cared about me and was concerned. Asked why I was being dramatic by crying.
So I am now in the bedroom crying and writing this (sorry, I don't even know if it makes sense and it is sooo long), and he has texted me saying that he will keep it inside from now on and not say anything because he can't talk to me about anything without me getting upset or angry with him.
So AIBU by being upset? Should I be initiating sex more? Am I a bad wife for being off sex when pregnant and not doing more about it? He also says I have been less tactile in general which might be true, but is this normal for pregnancy or am I ignoring him without realising?
If you manage to read all this, thank you...