Children not knowing half sibling?

[Creeper8]

When I met my ex he told me he had a son from a previous relationship. He didnt tell me straight away as he said it was very painful to talk about and he only tells people once he is close to them as his ex was very difficult and would always stop him from seeing his son constantly, I know I shouldnt have believed him but in my defence I was quite young and naive when I met him but I took his word for it.

Anyway I fell pregnant early on (unplanned) and he said he told his ex and she now wont let him see his son, he said she blocked him on everything and he wasnt sure of her address as she would only ever bring his son to him. Anyway over the years he barely spoke about his son and if I mentioned him he would tell me that he doesnt want to talk about him as its “too painful” etc. I know over the years he tried to get in touch but never got a response so didnt mention him again. Anyway we broke up and I noticed a new facebook profile he had made (it genuinely suggested it as a friend on my fb) I clicked on it and on the profile was a picture of a woman he had “shared” on his fb. I clicked on it and it became clear it was his ex. I looked at her fb and went back a few years and there was some very nasty fb statuses about me at the time he told her that I was pregnant.

Anyway Ive never told the children about his son as ex didnt like me mentioning him and as they will never see him I didnt know if there was any point. Its unlikely ex will ever see him again now (He said he is going to leave it till his son is an adult if he wants to contact him.) and ex doent see our children anymore (through his own choice!) so is it worth telling them? They already have a father they dont see so I dont know if it worth giving them anymore upset?

Yes tell them. Just don't make it a 'thing'.
It's pretty shit finding out later in life that a) you have a half sibling, and B) your patents lied to you for years.

I would tell them. Try and keep it casual, just say families come in different shapes and sizes and just be honest. I have a blended family and also there are some feuds between family members, I always talk about everything with my kids though so they are always in the loop. The way you explain it depends on the age of your kids though.

How would I bring it up? We pretty much never speak about their dad.

Just tell them that their father eats, shoots and leaves and the consequence is that he fathers unwanted children

Harsh but true ( you said they have a father they don’t see).

I would tell them. Nothing good ever comes from secrets like this.

Yeh dont think I will refer to them or his child as “unwanted” but thanks.

Tell them. My dad didn’t tell his second family about my siblings and me until his eldest was 11/12 and the poor child is very very confused. It’s only happened recently and it will probably come back to bite him on the arse.

Team tell them. Hubby is in this exact situation. His father fathered a child a few months before he got with MIL. (Paternity has never been officially proven but BIL is the spitting image of FIL.) FIL denied the child was his and Hubby grew up never knowing his brother. They have since started an online relationship as adults (we are in Canada and BIL and his family are in the UK).

I doubt the mother will ever tell the son tbh. She was very angry at him (saw her fb statuses like I said) so I dont think they will ever have contact.

how old are your DC? I would tell them but when they are old enough for it to mean anything, my DD had this and only made contact with her half siblings when she was an adult but I didn't keep it a secret, just told her when she was old enough to understand what it meant.
I understand that with them missing their DD in their lives, they don't need any more stress and confusion and modern families can be very confusing!!

Please tell them so you don't become complicit in his lies. I grew up knowing I had a half sibling I would probably never meet because she was a result of my father's previous marriage. It was fine. Occasionally I would get curious and try and find her but I never managed and now I'm just not interested. There's a big age gap and when my father and her mother divorced she did not want to see him again (her mother had met someone else and eventually he became more of a dad to her - my dad openly admits he was not nice to her mum) and always knew where he was. To my knowledge she has never tried to contact him. Anyway my point was if you know it becomes less important, it's just a fact of life. If I found out now I'd feel I'd been lied to and would be upset.

Oldest is 7. Ive just remembered that she wont know about my other children as she hasnt had contact with my ex since I was pregnant with the first.

Im still debating it as it seems abit odd to just randomly bring it up? Maybe I should wait till they ask about their dad. We dont speak about him.