They took DS present back

[HelloToYou]

DS just has his birthday.
Grandparents brought presents to our house for him to open, didn't stay to watch him open them.
They asked for the presents back so they could keep them at their house for him to play with.

He has been going to their house 3 days a week during the school holidays and we have a great relationship with them, normally during term time we will see them at least once a week and they take him out alone once or twice a month.
Both gives me and DH time to ourselves, builds that bond with DS and his grandparents and they ask to spend the time with him so this works for everyone.

But I was very surprised and a bit annoyed that they asked for his birthday presents back, he won't be there during the week, just visiting a few hours at the weekends once he's back at school so he won't really get to make the most of them.

Aibu here to be slightly miffed?

Sure, we will bring them over. Then “forget.”
Bring other toys and if queried, say “this is what he wanted to play with this afternoon” and we didn’t want to lug over more stuff, etc.

Thinking back, some of the things my parents bought for their house ended back at ours when the DCs didn't want to leave them behind, never an issue we would just take them back the next time they went round.

Common practice in this household; for the grandparents to keep the presents at their house. It's a non issue. Especially if they provide you with free child care.

YANBU it’s not a gift if there are strings attached like this.

MIL’s friend once gave our DS a gift. MIL opened it and kept it at her house.

My Mom always did this with my nephews toys but it was because their step-brothers would take or break their toys if they took them home.

YANBU!! They are his toys, he/you get to say what happens to them. So many responses on other threads say that once a gift is given, the giver has no say in what happens to it … so this doesn't apply if the receiver is a child? MIL used to do this with gifts we gave to BIL's DS: she would be grabbing them as he opened them, saying 'we'll keep this at our house'. Used to drive me mad, especially as BIL and the child's DM were separated and no doubt one of them would have liked them. My DM kept stuff that my Dsis (who lives a good distance away) had brought over for my DC … my DC rarely went to my DParents' house so the toys were played with maybe twice before being labelled 'too babyish'.

YANBU. I know how hard it is to part my 5 YO from a new toy, especially if it's a birthday present. It probably could have been handled better if the presents were opened at their house.

Bit weird this. I think YANBU. The op has said he’ll be starting school so WON’T be at the ILs house for 3 days any more. Anyway, at that age it’s mean to give a kid a toy then take it away! Best way is to say something like “oh, he loves the toy so much, let him keep it and bring with him when he comes to see you next”.

They didn’t ask for them back (ie take them from your ds). They asked if they could keep them at their house for him to play with there. I’m sure he’s not short of toys at hind. So unclench. They do a lot for you. Let them enjoy this at their home.

Hey little five year old! Here's a present which you won't be allowed to be the owner of, we are and will control your access to it, and it isn't really yours anyway since we chose it for our house. You can use it when you visit us. Let's hope it's something you don't grow out of too quickly so you get a few uses of it! What a lucky boy you are.

Oh and look how thrilled mummy is at not having more stuff in her house and how other mummies will say they wish their little boys could be treated like this. You see, presents aren't about you at all. It's all about meeting the needs of the grown ups. Happy birthday!

YANBU OP. Very disrespectful to your son, and he'll learn not to trust them or whatever they gift wrap for him since their gifts aren't gifts and what they give comes with strings.

We do this. Grandson (5) has toys here that he doesn't see as often as the ones at home so is really keen to play with them. He understands the logic perfectly.

If you didn't want the present to go to theirs why didn't you stop them.
Can we have them back to use at our house? Answer, NO as he will like to play with it here and he doesn't see you as much over term time.

My mil tried this once and I just said No, with explanation

I can see their logic, but it might have been better if he’d opened it at their house and suggested it was kept for when he visited them.

My in-laws always do this if DC open presents at their house. They actually say, "He can leave them here and then his cousins can play with them." I don't think they would do it if they brought them here though.

It’s fine.

It's a bit weird to physically take it back and carry it off in the car IMO. Is it something like a play item for the garden? How did your DS feel about them taking it back with them?

If they wanted them kept at their house, they should have held them there and had them open them at their house.

I agree with Frances. My aunt has my 2 younger DC at hers a lot. They have all kinds of things there that I don't even know about, unless they're mentioned in passing. They're never presents. Presents are brought here and kept here.

Awful idea, my inlaws did this to Ds when he was three, he only visited a couple od times a week for a couple of hours, she went on and on about his present. He loved it, then said no I couldn't load it in the car, it needs to stay. Ds cried al the way home.
Went back a few weeks later and she was running a childminders, the kids wouldn't let Ds anywhere near "their toys" All Ds stuff was in use/broken/thrown away.
The cherry on top for me I never bothered going over again, lots of other stuff had happened too. We are now NC Dh has had enough of her.