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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take my mum around town?

54 replies

morecoffeepleas · 28/08/2018 13:23

I've been having growth scans every week baby is due in two weeks.
Mum has been coming with me because OH is at work and I need her to watch ds as he can't come into scans.

Every time we leave the hospital she suggests that we do something today was "can we just pop into town so I can go new look because I need some sandals". Sandals in this weather?

I'm absolutely knackered so I need to know if I'm being unreasonable.

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 28/08/2018 14:38

She's helping you out so surely you'd want to help her out? Could you suggest that you'll sit in the car while she quickly nips out?
I'd love to still have my mum to go to the shops with but I appreciate that you're heavily pregnant. Having said that, my mum was dying when I was 38 weeks and I'd have done anything for her.
Each to their own though I know.

Maelstrop · 28/08/2018 14:39

Drop ds at hers then collect?

Original poster
morecoffeepleas · 28/08/2018 14:39

She doesn't have to come to the hospital with me she wants to because she doesn't go out much now she's quit her job.

It's because I drive why she wants to go in to the town. I've given in and came to my aunties with her instead she's now hinting that she wants to go to the chip shop after.

I tell her I'm tired but she makes me feel bad I'm not doing this next week though it's to much for me.

OP posts:
Antigon · 28/08/2018 14:39

You don't exchange favours with a knackered 38weeks pregnant woman. You just try and make her life easier.

I'm sure OP will repay the favour when her mum needs to go to the hospital by not dragging her to the high street post-appointment.

diddl · 28/08/2018 14:41

"She doesn't have to come to the hospital with me"

Don't take her then!

Antigon · 28/08/2018 14:45

OP, this is time for you to rest, boy to be your mum's chauffeur / companion!

You need to put your foot down. She can get a bus or taxi to town or anywhere else.

Postino · 28/08/2018 14:49

She should be kind when you tell her you're tired, not make you feel bad Flowers

WhatchaMaCalllit · 28/08/2018 15:03

I'd say "Mum, my next scan is on X date and I'll only be up for going to the scan and then home. I'm sure you can remember back to how tired you got the closer you got to your delivery date with me? If you want to or need to go into town or to the chip shop can you ask X to bring you this time please? I'd be delighted of your company when I'm getting the scan done but I really wont be up to much afterwards". See what she says to that.

NonaGrey · 28/08/2018 15:04

I love my Mum. I love spending time with her.

At 38 weeks pregnant I’d have said no to this. It’s not about not cherishing your Mum enough.

The OP isn’t being selfish about this. She’s heavily pregnant and exhausted.

What if instead of it being her Mum, what if it had been her DH or her brother asking to go pick up a computer game?

Would the answer have been the same?

BertrandRussell · 28/08/2018 15:06

Can you stay in the car while she pops into the shop?

Butterymuffin · 28/08/2018 15:09

Can't she go and look at sandals with your DS in tow while you have the scan and then you all reunite afterwards? Not that much fun for him, but that might help curtail it all Wink

Sophia99 · 28/08/2018 15:15

Wow, of COURSE YABU. It wouldn't hurt you to put yourself out for a half hour or so, when she has done so much for you (and you will need her when your baby comes!)

I know you're tired and weary, but cut the poor woman some slack!

Sophia99 · 28/08/2018 15:19

@NonaGrey

What if instead of it being her Mum, what if it had been her DH or her brother asking to go pick up a computer game?

Well maybe yes! It's not that much effort to pick up a computer game for someone! Confused But the 2 situations are in no way the same ANYway! Confused

And what is 'sandals in this weather' meant to mean? It's still August! And we are due another heatwave in a few days.

It's not flippin' January.

teaandtoast · 28/08/2018 15:25

YANBU, at all.

It's like my fil always asking Dh in for a drink after Dh has taken him shopping. Even if they had an hour's chat beforehand. He then gets huffy when Dh refuses.

Some people can't think further than themselves, unfortunately.

HildaZelda · 28/08/2018 16:07

YANBU OP. At 38 weeks the last thing you need to be doing is dragging around town for unnecessary stuff, presumably with a toddler in tow as well.

MrsJayy · 28/08/2018 16:11

She just wants to spend a bit of time with you after the hospital go to new look or for a coffee with your mum. She is helping you out or next week say mum do you fancy going to x y z first before the hospital today.

User12879923378 · 28/08/2018 16:16

Of course you're not unreasonable to not want to go shopping for someone else's shoes at 38 weeks!

"Free childcare". Really? Going to an appointment with your pregnant daughter and grandson every fortnight? How much of that time is even spent looking after OP's little boy on her own? Ten minutes? Growth scans are pretty speedy.

User12879923378 · 28/08/2018 16:19

I agree that suggesting a coffee somewhere with comfy seats and accessible parking might be a good compromise but yanbu at all not to want to go shoe shoppinh

hammeringinmyhead · 28/08/2018 16:32

It depends on your relationship. If she's just bored at home and it's because you drive so she doesn't have to get a bus to town/auntie's on another day, absolutely say no. If she's hamfistedly trying to turn it into a girly day out, still say no but maybe in a nicer way!

Corbby1 · 28/08/2018 16:37

Bluelady I was going to say the same. I'd give anything to wander round the shops with my mum.
Even if you are tired OP, enjoy how lucky you are to have her sharing the experience and meeting her grandchildren xxx

Bluelady · 28/08/2018 16:42

I'm glad I'm not the only one, Corbby, but apparently the way we feel is bollocks.

Goth237 · 28/08/2018 17:31

I think you're being royally unreasonable here! Perhaps she wants to spend time with her daughter rather than just being used as a free babysitter? I can't believe that you're actually asking this, OP.

diddl · 28/08/2018 18:25

Presumably it's hospital policy for you not to be allowed to take your son in with you?

Perhaps your husband needs to take time off work then?

EmUntitled · 28/08/2018 18:40

How many times has this happened? If it's only two or three times I'd probably let it go. Any more than that and I'd say no next time.
She's asking in a "would you mind" way, rather than demanding, so you wouldn't be unresonable to say no once. On the other hand it's not a long term problem.
Could she stay at home with DS rather than coming along to the hospital.

User12879923378 · 28/08/2018 19:44

I'm glad I'm not the only one, Corbby, but apparently the way we feel is bollocks.

Of course it's not and I am so sorry about your mums. I felt the same way after my dad died and I know I will feel the same way when I lose my mum. It's just that it's actually really hard to live as if you could lose someone at any moment when there's no obvious sign that you will, if that makes any sense Flowers

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