To ask how you split school holidays if....

[Pickledpickles]

Your children have different term dates?

From next Easter my children's holidays are different due to the eldest being at high school. Child one breaks up a week before child 2 and returns a week earlier. They have 2 weeks off each. Ex and I share holidays equally and I can't get my head around how to work it out. There is one week where they are both off at the same time.

Half term, DC1 has one week off, dc2 has 2 weeks.

Summer, dc1 breaks up a week before dc2 but they go back at the same time.

How do I work it out fairly? Thanks

How old is the youngest, I.e. how long is this going to be an issue for?

Youngest is 9 so starting year 5, eldest 12 and going into year 7

Sorry, typo, eldest is 11.

So an issue for two years?

What happens in term time? Are they always with you?

If so I’d keep the arrangement 50:50 of the whole holiday period and that way each DC will get some ‘alone’ time with each parent and some time off together with you both.

If that doesn’t work because of one parent wanting to book a week long holiday then just even it out the following year?

We have the same. We cover holidays w a mixture of activity clubs (tennis, theatre etc), grandparents, reciprocal arrangements w friends and us. Family holidays only when everyone is off. Next year we have to have to cover the whole month of April as holidays don't coincide at all. Luckily older son is ok to be left for a half day here and there (sensible enough for a whole day but doesnt like it). Glad it's our last year of this!

Yes, for 2 years. Children live with me and have EOW contact.

I'm not sure the children would want to be split up and go separately to their dad's.
A week away for a holiday would have to be in the summer holidays from next year but that's ok. There's a court order in place so the holidays have to be split equally.

Anyone else have to do this and have any advice?

You share holidays equally, but what does this equate to in terms of you being home with them, holiday club etc? And is it counted over the year or over the actual holiday?

What is better for them, would they be better going to ex's together?

TrappedByATurtle I'll be home with them when they are on holiday and ex is supposed to be off when he has them too. No holiday clubs or other childcare. They'd prefer to be together.

It's counted per holiday, not over the year. Ex wouldn't agree to an over the year arrangement I don't think. I did think about saying he can have October half term and me February to give us both a full week but doubt he'd go for that either and doesn't help with Easter and whit.

Then it depends on hiw your order is worded. If it's over the specific holiday you do something like the youngest is with you til Wednesday, goes to ex. Eldest joins on Fri evening / Sat and they both return to you on Wed.

Or they go together for the week eldest is off and you claim the week back in the summer, split the remaining 5 weeks of summer equally.

Would you mind if your ex had them both for the week they were both off, and you had the two other weeks of one to one time with them? Sounds like they might prefer that and it would be simplest logistically, but wouldn't work if you had plans to take them away/do things the three of you. Really tricky, for each of them one week won't be holidays, so should be the usual term time schedule, would that mean being at yours m-f?

I guess that way I'd still have weekends with them both but I doubt he'd agree to me having an extra week in the summer to make up for it. You're right though, two of those 3 weeks at Easter will be normal term time for one child so I'll be involved in all the school malarkey and not actually have 2 weeks off with them both myself. In theory they only both have one week off together so maybe that one week should be split equally. Perhaps they could have extra after school time with him.

Split it quite literally in half?

Easters's easy - child 1 will spend a week with parent A and 1/2 week with parent B. Child 2 will do the opposite.

Half term, both take two 1/2 weeks off. Split the week they both have off, and the week child 1 has off in addition. One parent here will get a continuous period of leave, the other will have to take two partial weeks.

Summer, split the extra week for child 1 between both parents. And then the rest of the summer as normal.

But if that's not already occurred to you, I'm sure I've missed something....?

I'm not sure the children would want to be split up and go separately to their dad's

Ahh... i see, that's the sticking point then? Does your ex live some distance away?

LannieDuck only a few miles away/half an hour but under no circumstances would he take either to school. In over 5 years he has never taken them to school. I have all the day to day care. He has his gf's kids to take to school and can't take his own

Could you ask him to make a suggestion about how to divide care equally without separating them and without him needing to do a school run?

I would let him have the weekend from the end of DC1’s first week off then the entire week they both have off together. That way you have both DC, just at separate times but it will give them both one to one time with you which is great.

pickled same here btw. ExH has also never taken our DC to school but takes his GF’s kids. It’s so weird.

LannieDuck I'm tempted to leave it to him to figure out. I don't know why it should be me. In two years I'll have my ds to take into account too as his holidays will be different and ex has 5 other kids to juggle too (2 are his). It's a joke. He's kicking off because I've not told him contact arrangements for the next year but he's not made any suggestions himself

OutPinked I could but it doesn't seem fair that I don't get any actual holiday time with both children. I don't drive so 3 hours of my day is spent on the school run with the younger dc so I wouldn't have much time during the last week to do much with the older one. Not enough time for day trips anywhere. Even local trips to nearby towns would only be for about an hour due to travelling time whereas he'd get to go away on holiday for a week.