To want DS to care I'm not there?

[Bouncingbelle]

DS was born very prematurely. He has just turned 2 and started nursery 2 mornings a week (to try & help with his communication as he currently has no language/doesn't point/gesture etc). My issue is that he just doesn't seem to care that I'm not there - walked into the room quite happily and instantly went off to play (he LOVES interaction with other kids) and didn't look for me. He had have 3 hour-long settling in sessions so it wasn't a completely strange environment but is the fact he is so settled concerning? He has always been happy to go to strangers, a fact I just put down to him being in hospital for a long time & being used to lots of nurses. He is very affectionate towards me (and me to him) so it's not like he doesn't feel bonded to me, but is this happiness to go off indicative of a problem?

I think you are massively over thinking this. He loves you and is affectionate with you, and he is also secure enough to happily socialize with others. Consider yourself lucky! He sounds like a bright, wonderful little boy.

I think a child like that is a credit to their mother, it means they are very secure and I say that as someone who had a clingy child.

My Grandad once told me that a child who is happy to wander off and leave their parents is a child that knows their parents will always come back and be there when they are needed. I'd take him settling so well as a good sign that he is a happy, secure child who knows they are well loved.

Not at all it is a good thing. I can understand feeling that it is a result of the time away from you as a baby as the NICU experience is hard and makes you question everything. My eldest two were term and both were like this when they went to nursery. It's want that they didn't care if I was there but that they were confident I would come back.

Children can vary quite a bit in terms of temperament. It sounds as if he has an "easy" temperament. I don't think there is a cause for concern.

It's a good thing. :) But I understand where you're coming from. I had a bit of the same reaction when my kids started daycare and school.

My first DC's first full day at childcare was extremely anti climactic from my POV. He wandered off and couldn't really care less whether I was there or not. (I obviously made sure to say goodbye; I didn't just take off unannounced!). No tears or tantrums. Like your little boy, he was/is very sociable so that may have been part of it.

Ditto when my children started school - I actually thought I'd done something wrong that they weren't upset like some of the children! DC2 actually told me to leave so he could get on with the important business of playing.

Is he happy to see you when you return?

Sounds like he has a secure attachment to you.

You don't want really want him to be upset, do you? - that's about you, not him and as parents (I say this from experience) we have to always be aware of making our emotional reactions into their problem

but is there something else worrying you?

Thank you all, the idea of him just being secure is a much better one :)

He IS very easy going by nature anyway and always has been, and I really wouldn't want him to be upset or missing me. He didn't even seem that bothered on my return - I eventually got a smile then he went back to playing!

Ladybirds - I think you have nailed it in one. I DO have a fear in my gut that's a symptom of something else. It's been so reassuring to hear that maybe he's just happy!

You will never stop worrying about him. It's the burden of being a parent, and him being premature will of course have added to that. My friend's 28-weeker turns 18 soon, is a big strapping lad and she still has an extra pocket of worry in her heart for him.

Just take each day at a time

I never had that natural bond or clingy ness to him because of the months he spent in NICU - it's something I have tried very hard never to make him aware of and became a SAHM as I knew we needed that time together to bond. So I'm probably being unrealistic to suddenly think we can't cope being apart for a few hours!! How far my teeny tiny baby has come.

None of mine ever cared, and I still don't get a goodbye as they go into school. It means they're happy.

Not at all - it’s a sign that you’ve raised a confident child who is totally secure in your love.

It may well have something to do with it that he interacted with lots of nurses etc in hospital but it really isn’t a bad thing - it shows that he has the confidence to be independent, which is only possible because he trusts that you will be there.

I used to work in a nursery and in 99% of cases when kids were devastated about being dropped off, within a minute of their parent leaving they were happy as Larry. It was just the moment of departure they found hard - not being away from their parents entirely.

As a teacher of young dc l would just think a child was happy and secure to pop in and take off immediately. Thats no judgement on other dc as each one has a different personality. My dc never even looked back. They were happy to do sleepovers/ stay at cousins etc and still the same as they jet all over the world. I just have to be happy and let them off.

Aw phew! Very very good point about it being the actual separation some kids find hard, not being without the parent Twotailed. I feel much better now!