Am I being aibu/selfish by having this baby?

[Bowejangles]

I found out yesterday morning that I'm pregnant, its very early days and unplanned. I have an almost 8 month old and had no desire for more children until my little one was at least school age. I've recently split from ex partner who is father to both, we were taking precautions which failed.

I do want to keep the baby but whenever I look at my little one I'm overcome with guilt and emotion, i feel almost as though by keeping this baby I'll be doing a disservice to him as his mum, and robbing him of the 1-on-1 relationship I intended to give him.

The only thing that would make me consider a termination is if it was possible that by having this baby it would have a negative impact on him, as he is my priority right now.

WTFdidwedo, we had the same experience - 16 mths apart and DC2 was a nightmare. That first year was a blur of tears and sleepless nights (and days).

However it does get easier and now I’d recommend anyone to have a small age gap if they can. Ours get on brilliantly and keep each other entertained for hours together (I can hear them playing next door and it’s so cute).

Good luck OP

Do you know what I don't think at any age that guilt goes when you have a second. I'm pregnant with no 2 and my 1st will be 9 by the time this little one arrives and I still worry about how I'm going to make sure they both get equal shares of me. I think having a close age gap will be amazing if you think you can manage it. Mum's (and some dads) have this incredible resilience to just get through anything and find a way that works for them. Like others have said with your ds being that young too he'll never know any different and will have that built in play mate! Good luck with whatever you decide!!

Thank you to everybody who responded, I appreciate the perspectives!

To the PP who has found it overbearing with a difficult baby I'm so sorry you're struggling, from what I can see here it does get easier and I hope it does for you, soon.

I remember when my DS was first born, for a week it was bliss and then he cried constantly too! He had colic, screamed constantly, hated sleeping in his moses basket, would only nap for 1-2 hours maximum and i dare say it was awful. Looking back at those not-so-distant-days I did wonder how I'd get through it but he grew into a very easy baby eventually. I'm hoping DC2 will be an easier newborn but even if she/he is not I'll have faith that its only a temporary stage.

I've read about the fourth trimester theory and thought that made a lot of sense, by the end of three months DS was like a different baby (although babies vary, of course)

I didn't get much sleep last night due to over thinking, not in a dreadful sense but trying to play through different scenarios in my head about how things could be with the baby.

I'm not against abortion to the extent I'd ever judge others for being able to make what is clearly a very hard decision, I admire their strength, but for me personally I know I'd never get past the "what ifs" and I'd struggle to deal with the guilt (more guilt!)

As you can probably tell I'm %90 percent set on keeping the baby, I just need to give my head a shake and stop projecting my guilt onto DS. Bless him.

To answer the PP who asked whether perhaps I see us as a team more so because ExP and I have split, I would say that is entirely possible yes