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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

not to know how to act now that neighbour has declared hatred for me?

35 replies

SadSackStruggling · 27/08/2018 23:31

Name changed in attempt to not be outed irl.
Will try to put the basic facts but it's likely to be a bit long.

Lived here 15 years.
Became friendly with neighbour when we had DC at same time.
Friendship changed over years as our lives moved on (used to be stay at home mums, then I went back to work, different interests that sort of thing). Friend asked years ago if I had fallen out with her.
I said I hadn't. Acknowledged that we weren't as close but that I thought it was due to me being full-time and having more children/being ridiculously busy.

Funny thing was, though she accepted it seemed likely that being so busy meant we didn't have much time to catch up, anytime I suggested having a coffee or catch up she was busy as had lots of ironing or housework.

Months later, she again asked if something was wrong.
"No, maybe you feel that way because we never get together anymore but I'm going part time. Why don't we make an effort to catch up on my days off?"
Again, if I suggested a catch up on those days she had ironing or shopping to do.

As we are neighbours with DC the same age we used to walk to school together each morning.
Once I started working I either didn't do school run or was pushed for time so would leave a little earlier and not have time to hang at school gate chatting.
Friend/neighbour started to ignore me in playground couple of year ago. I assumed it was because she had other 'playground' mum friends and because I had a younger child in the infants (so dropped DC in other side of playground).
This made occasions when I did walk to school a bit uncomfortable. Often felt like a third wheel if another playground mum joined the walk.

There was an event recently that friend and other neighbours planned. I joined to help with the planning after being invited to a planning meeting by one of the other neighbours.
A misunderstanding over something I had been asked to do led to me having a little tantrum on the WhatsApp planning group.

After the event, friend/neighbour started to totally blank me.
Didn't respond if I spoke.
Hardly made eye contact.

I asked on day why and she let rip.
Said I'd been ignoring her for years. When I denied this I asked if she meant situations like on playground when she was with other people and ignored me, she responded that she wasn't talking about the playground.
She said I'd been constantly sniping about the event. I admitted to being a dick on the WhatsApp group that one time after misunderstanding, she insisted it was constant. It really wasn't.
She said that I'd been making snide comments all day during the event. I absolutely did not, it was a great day.
She said I'd said something really awful to her that day. Again I had not. The comment he insists I'd made was something I'd said to another neighbour and was said in a totally different way. She made it out to be really cruel and aimed at her.
Bottom line she said was that she was sick of me, found me mean and nasty. Wanted absolutely nothing more to do with me.

She now completely ignores me.
Ignored my daughter on school run during final week of term.
Ignored my sister in local shop.

If it wasnt for the fact that she's a neighbour I'd be upset but would know how to deal but the fact she is a neighbour makes it so awkward.
It's a street where people are close.
She was stood with other neighbours last week. I said hi, the other neighbours responded, she kept back turned. I felt embarrassed.
She walks past me in the street while her husband and/or children say hi.

I don't know how to behave.
Keep being polite and saying hi knowing I will be ignored?
Start pretending she is invisible?

OP posts:
user1485342611 · 28/08/2018 12:22

I had a friend who was a 'one strike and you're out' type of person. I upset her once, rang her, admitted I was one hundred percent in the wrong and apologised. She continued to cold shoulder me. I had seen her do it with other people too.

She had very few long term friends, unsurprisingly!

Unacceptable · 17/11/2018 09:21

Rude neighbors are a nightmare.
I don't want to be besties with neighbor I was once friends with but my god, I still have manners.
What a pompous, arrogant cow I live near.
I pray to God that her and her family move house.
Wish I had the balls to publicly call her out everyone she ignores me in front of others.

weleasewoderick22 · 17/11/2018 13:00

I have a neighbour like this too. In the summer they were all out in the street drinking and left the kids to jump on her trampoline, the noise from the kids was horrendous. I went out at 9.30 to ask them to be quiet ( I was a bit sharp in the way I said it, but it was bad). So the neighbour had a right go at me and called me a horrible cow and stopped speaking to me and told any neighbour who would listen about it. I could hear her talking outside.

Turns out that it was nothing to do with the kids. I'd had an argument with another neighbour a few years ago over parking and this woman now hates me because I called her out on bad behaviour. 1st neighbour and her are friends and a lot of the street are very cliquey.

Anyway, I now find it quite amusing when she pulls up on her drive at the same time as I do. She turns her music up load or talks really loud to her dd, attention seeking shit. I pretend she's invisible so it doesn't get to me and it drives her mad!

Honestly op ( sorry to hyjack your thread) people like this are not worth knowing. I know it hurts, but be the bigger person and move on. Pretend she's invisible if it helps and you'll soon see that she'll try and get your attention because she's a drama queen. Good luck Thanks

Unacceptable · 17/11/2018 13:12

It is a bit funny isn't it WeleaseWoderick everytime I see my ex-friend/neighbor I smile and say Hi.
Not in a suck up way but in the same way you'd respectfully say hello to a work colleague you didn't particularly like.
She totally blanks me and looks so uncomfortable.
I know it's horrid to make someone feel like shit but I do find it satisfying to see her squirm when she could just grow up and say hello

chickywoo · 17/11/2018 13:21

I have an in law like this, after years of me trying to understanding her weird behaviour, trying my hardest to spend time together, her blanking me in the school playground - or sometimes not Confused I’ve finally resigned myself to realising that she’s impossible and seriously unhinged! I feel relieved not having to try anymore.

oldsewandsew · 17/11/2018 13:32

Oh no, I completely sympathise! I fell out with a friend a couple of years ago over something really silly, and my main worry was how to react when I passed her. Initially I kept it cheery, and she completely blanked me. It made me feel really crap, and so I started blanking her. She obviously took umbrage to this, and started saying hello to me again. So I started saying hello again, and she started blanking me again! Honestly, it gets absolutely ridiculous, so I would say try the polite hello, and if she doesn’t respond, ignore her. It’s not worth the worry.

ButchyRestingFace · 17/11/2018 13:33

She said I'd said something really awful to her that day. Again I had not. The comment he insists I'd made was something I'd said to another neighbour and was said in a totally different way. She made it out to be really cruel and aimed at her.

Was she present when you said whatever you said, OP?

Was gossipy neighbour present?

Tistheseason17 · 17/11/2018 14:03

I have a neighbour like this. Been a year now.
When she is on her own we respectfully ignore each other.

When she is with other people I know I say hello to the group. Everyone else says "hello" right back except her and she ends up looking like the immature dick she is.

weleasewoderick22 · 17/11/2018 15:40

Unacceptable. I know what you mean, it's not that I'm spiteful by enjoying seeing her squirm but she destroyed me that day and it took me months to get over it. I won't even say hi to her because I will never speak to her again.

Unacceptable · 18/11/2018 21:31

I think I am being a bit spiteful when I enjoy seeing her squirm but I sort of justify it by reminding myself that she's being a rude cow.

It easier said than done to take the high road.
I do try but I can't help feel satisfied seeing her squirm when she acts like such a rude knob Infront of the other neighbors if I say hi/talk to them.
A part of me wants to acknowledge it publicly by sort of saying 'did you all see her totally ignore my hello again' but if I drag anyone else into the nonsense I'd be as big a drama lama as her

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