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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you just don't do this?

35 replies

Cupcakecafe · 27/08/2018 22:48

Been handing out wedding invites recently. We were away for the weekend, so gave a couple to mil to give out to people they see on a Saturday night.

Saw mil today and asked if she gave out the invites and did they say they were coming. She said yeah "Julie" said she's coming and she's going to bring "Lisa" with her.
Now it's only an evening invite but still. Surely you don't just say oh I'll bring someone with me who isn't invited?!
I just looked at mil like excuse me what, then looked at fiance. He said well it's only an evening one so I guess it's ok.
Aibu to think no it isn't ok and you don't just invite your random friend along to a wedding you're invited to?

OP posts:
Twotailed · 27/08/2018 22:51

Someone did this at my wedding too (only it was for the whole day!). I thought it was cheeky but just shrugged and let it go - what else can you do!

Ethylred · 27/08/2018 22:52

Don't subcontract your invitations, it's asking for trouble.
As you have found out.

cablewable · 27/08/2018 22:52

When we were planning ours, it was very strict during the day obviously as you're paying per head but in the evening of it was an invite for 1 we wrote +guest as no one likes to turn up to things alone. It was only with a few as most were couples or families x

Bunchofdaffodils · 27/08/2018 22:55

Do you think Julie said she didn’t really fancy coming on her own and your mil said that’s ok, bring a friend?

garethsouthgatesmrs · 27/08/2018 22:55

Do you know this persons contact details i would just send her a polite message saying strict numbers etc. unless it really doesnt matter. We had a few randoms at our evening reception (by random I mean non invited friends of friends but they did know us) it didn't matter as there were no number limits.

AngelsOnHigh · 27/08/2018 23:27

Maybe wait until you actually hear from the invited person.

Although, as you gave the invite to a third party, they have probably responded through the same third party.

Sounds a pretty ad hoc way to send out wedding invitations so probably expect more confusion along the way.

Bluntness100 · 27/08/2018 23:31

I'd suspect there was a bit more to this conversation than your mother in law has told you, she's very likely told This woman she could bring her friend. Maybe she just doesn't want to tell you she added to your guest list without your approval.

OzymandiasFanClub · 27/08/2018 23:50

It's really difficult going to weddings on your own. Is the guest single? If she is, show her a bit of compassion/ understanding.
I was widowed ( aged 44) and going to parties or formal occasions alone just reminds you how on your own you are. Even if you know people there, it's awful going on your own and having to make your entrance on your own, find some people to tag on to.
It's so much easier to have someone to go with.

Rebecca36 · 28/08/2018 00:41

It is quite usual to add +1 as some people don't like going to wedding receptions alone.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/08/2018 00:45

Why are you "handing out" invitations to your WEDDING? Why didn't you mail them? Confused

Sophia99 · 28/08/2018 00:45

@Cupcakecafe

Do you not like 'Lisa' or something?

And why are you sending an invite to someone without a +1?

Poor etiquette! Hmm

Gersemi · 28/08/2018 01:04

Contact Julie and say sorry, there seems to have been some sort of misunderstanding, there's no room for extras.

It's perfectly normal to invite people without plus ones.

SandyY2K · 28/08/2018 01:16

Will one extra guest really be an issue?

I wouldn't go to a wedding on my own if DH wasn't invited ...especially the evening part...unless I knew other friends would be there on their own too. I wouldn't want to hang around with another couple.

Tbh I'm not sure I'd go to the wedding breakfast alone either.

SandyY2K · 28/08/2018 01:17

Forgot to add...I wouldnt bring someone without clearing it first.

onetimeposter · 28/08/2018 01:21

It's really difficult going to weddings on your own. Is the guest single? If she is, show her a bit of compassion/ understanding.
I was widowed ( aged 44) and going to parties or formal occasions alone just reminds you how on your own you are. Even if you know people there, it's awful going on your own and having to make your entrance on your own, find some people to tag on to.
It's so much easier to have someone to go with
Excuse me what?!
I am sorry you are widowed and perhaps different but I am divorced and would quite happily go to a wedding alone-there is no shame in not being partnered up with someone. If being a couple wasn't the social default and anyone single seen as a second class citizen then people wouldn't feel like that.
I have had people openly express sympathy that I don't have what they have-I'm quite ok as I am thank you very much!

Mytwistedimagination · 28/08/2018 04:29

there is no shame in not being partnered up with someone

That's not what Ozy was saying though, was it? Of course it's easier walking into an event already populated by (possibly) a bunch of strangers, if you are with someone you know. Not just a partner in the relationship sense.

Pengggwn · 28/08/2018 06:20

I wouldn't go to most 'evening only' weddings anyway, but certainly not on my own. That's definitely rude.

thaegumathteth · 28/08/2018 06:23

Didn’t she have a plus one invited?

Anyways it really really wouldn’t bother me.

DiamondsInTheMud · 28/08/2018 06:24

Im going to a wedding this weekend where ive never met the bride and groom...

Im the plus one of my fairly recent bf, its his work colleague and to-be wife. Bf has asked his colleague and ok-d it though so im not technically gatecrashing i don't think...

DiamondsInTheMud · 28/08/2018 06:24

Should mention its just for the evening!

TheDowagerCuntess · 28/08/2018 06:26

onetimeposter - I really think you've rather spectacularly missed Ozy's point.

Pissedoffdotcom · 28/08/2018 06:28

Why do people do this? DPs daughter is getting married soon & her fiance's mate has rocked up with 'so & so is coming with his girlfriend' like it's nothing. The answer to that saga would be 'is he hell' & that would be the end of it i'm afraid. People just randomly inviting others to your event is bang out of order.

I'd chase up any invites MIL gave out tbh & get confirmation yourself...then you can also clarify the guest situation

billybagpuss · 28/08/2018 06:42

Its the evening do, no one will even notice. Things happen through the day, not everyone will make the night that said they would. Its not like the main event where it will cost you another meal and you physically have to find space. Its not unreasonable to expect a plus 1 and far nicer for the invitee if they do have a plus 1.

So unless you have something really unusual planned with a cost per head and its not just the standard buffet and disco unless she's going to break fire regulations, the more the merrier.

OzymandiasFanClub · 28/08/2018 08:54

onetime I don't feel any "shame" at being single/ widowed . I have never thought of myself as being a "second class citizen" - thanks for that but it appears to be your baggage, not mine.
I just find it much easier to go to a party/ wedding/ formal social thing with someone else.

PurpleDaisies · 28/08/2018 08:58

I am divorced and would quite happily go to a wedding alone-there is no shame in not being partnered up with someone. If being a couple wasn't the social default and anyone single seen as a second class citizen then people wouldn't feel like that.

It’s nothing to do with shame. Some people literally know nobody else at the wedding apart from the bride and groom who are obviously busy!

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