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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable?

34 replies

Woznian1992 · 27/08/2018 22:36

I was wondering if you lovely ladies could help me, to cut a long story short I have a 5 month old baby, I am no longer with his dad. We are having my son christened in a few months (I have made all the arrangements) and I have asked for his guest list for invites, well it came out 10 days after my son was born that he was in a sort of relationship with someone new both behind my back and her husbands however he says that they are just ‘good friends’🙈 as you can imagine things have been a bit rocky since finding out anyway back to the guest list he sent me his list through and it had her name and her children’s name on there, I catagorically told him that she wasn’t welcome nor would she ever be welcome at anything we do for my son. So he’s sent me his new guest list through and he has taken her name off but left her children’s name on there, I’m in no way blaming the children or hold any resentment towards them however I don’t want them to come to my sons christening quite bluntly they aren’t anything to my son at all and I don’t fell like I should have to accommodate them, am I being unreasonable to tell him the children aren’t welcome? I just feel that given the situation and the things that they have both done he shouldn’t even expect me to have her or her children at my child’s christening? Help!!
Thank you

OP posts:
KatharineHilbery · 27/08/2018 22:39

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. He’s being a twat.

LongSummerDays · 27/08/2018 22:39

Are you a churchgoer? Or is the christening just an excuse for a party?

A christening is to introduce the child into the Christian faith so can be done in a church service. No invitations needed as everyone who goes to your church will be there.

LongSummerDays · 27/08/2018 22:40

You only need the Godparents there - or a proxy if they can't attend.

Twotailed · 27/08/2018 22:45

Are you a churchgoer? Or is the christening just an excuse for a party?

Way to miss the point. OP has come here with a genuine query but there’s always one weirdo who has to turn the thread into an unrelated discussion about the purposes of christenings 🙄 and FWIW maybe in your church christenings are only for the congregation to turn up to, but in many other churches it’s completely normal to issue invitations (especially in situations where not everyone who will be important to the child’s life is a member of the congregation).

OP - YANBU, you aren’t obliged to have anything to do with this woman or her children, and it would be very strange for them to be there if they have no relationship with your son. I wonder if your ex is keeping the children on there so the other woman has an excuse to turn up later? Absolutely stand firm on this one!

Mosret · 27/08/2018 22:49

No invitations needed as everyone who goes to your church will be there
That's so random. What if some of your relatives/friends live in a different parish?

Nooblynoo · 27/08/2018 22:50

What a knob. So these children will be there and only know your ex, who should be part of the day for his child. How will they get there? No. You are not being unreasonable.

Bizarre suggesting congregation are part of the day. They are A part of it. 2 of mine were christened in a service, 1 was in the afternoon and just us. Of course you invite people to your Christening. You invite who you want.

Nooblynoo · 27/08/2018 22:51

@Mosret exactly my thoughts

Brambleboo · 27/08/2018 22:51

Could he have just forgotten to remove the kids' names when he altered the list?

YANBU to not want these kids at your son's christening. It's a bit weird if he thinks you wouldn't mind.

Nooblynoo · 27/08/2018 22:53

@LongSummerDays yes you only need godparents however it is also a time for family and loved ones.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 27/08/2018 23:01

Oh for goodness sake this is a new mumsnet thing now... criticising people who invite "guests" to christenings or drink alcohol or have a toast...

She is allowed to have whatever type of celebration she chooses for her own child and invite people as she and the dad see fit. If you don't agree with her type of christening then you just don't go.

OP YANBU congratulations on your baby sorry his behaviour has been crap.

Thehop · 27/08/2018 23:07

Yanbu at all. Double check it’s not a mistake then remind him that he’ll have enough on with his own child and friends/family without babysitting for “his good friend”

TroubledLichen · 27/08/2018 23:08

What an utter twat. Absolutely I’d say the girlfriend’s kids aren’t welcome, it’s really bizarre he’d want to bring them if he’s accepted that she’s not invited. Was it an oversight not to also remove them from the list perhaps? If not maybe you could phrase it as since he’ll need to be with his son and as he’s part of the christening the other children would be unsupervised without their mum there, and obviously she’s not welcome so best that the children sit this one out too...

PuntCuffin · 27/08/2018 23:10

We had a private service for DS christening. It would have been mighty odd if people had rocked up without an invitation. How do the people you want to be there to witness it know to turn up if you don't invite them? They're not psychic!

Anyway, back to the OP, of course YANBU.

Lisabel · 27/08/2018 23:35

Wow of course you're not being unreasonable! Also how odd for him to want to bring them alone. Perhaps suggest that if they come you'll have to invite their real Dad too!

Original poster
Woznian1992 · 27/08/2018 23:46

Thankyou everyone, really appreciate it, I should just add that his ‘good friend’ is the sister to his sister in law, so he added the children’s name onto his brother and sister in laws invite. Quite frankly I don’t know how he has the ‘balls’ to even put her name or her children’s name down given the circumstances and I think it’s his brazen attitude that’s making me think maybe it’s me being unreasonable because he doesn’t see a problem at all.

I’m not a churchgoer but I am a Christian, the invites are to let people know where he is being christened and to invite her to his christening party afterwards.

I love the idea of just having the godparents there however I would really love my family and friends to be there and they would love to come, my son would love it especially as he loves being centre of attention however I’m not that much of a bitch as to have a christening for him and not invite his family and friends.

The children’s name being on the list wasn’t an oversight as I asked him to redo it putting the families together for their invitations (if you get what I mean 🙈)

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 27/08/2018 23:50

You do know you don’t have to be quite so nice and invite him and his family? Given he’s hardly being co conciliating, and it sounds like you’ve organised this. He could ahave a separate party and invite whoever and do all his own organising.

Hisnamesblaine · 28/08/2018 00:31

What a cheeky brazen fucker! Out of interest how many kids and what's their ages?

Birdsgottafly · 28/08/2018 00:40

""nor would she ever be welcome at anything we do for my son""

You might have to reconsider that, if they stay together, or your Son will be the loser.

At the moment, his relationship is to new for him to want her invited. The children's invite makes no sense, he should be available for his Son and not to look after a new Girlfriend's children, as they only re at the moment, given the time they've been together..

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 28/08/2018 00:43

NBU at all!
If I was in your position I’d be posting AIBU for toasting my exes balls on the BBQ for being such an insensitive arse piece.
You are christening your beautiful new baby boy. It’s not a bloody party that ex can invite his new squeeze to, tell him -fuck off- that you don’t feel it’s appropriate and you’d rather he didn’t invite these new people in his life on such a special day. Dick

MorseandLewis · 28/08/2018 04:40

I would assume that he is their father,is he?

Penfold007 · 28/08/2018 05:39

Withdraw the invitation to him and his friends/family. Obviously you can't stop them going to the church service but you are under no obligation to host them afterwards.

Original poster
Woznian1992 · 28/08/2018 07:53

She’s got two girls 7 and 3, yeah he’s the father however I do use that word loosely he seems to be under the impression that parenting begins the moment he collects him to the moment he drops him off however he is brilliant with him when he’s with my son

OP posts:
PipeTheFuckDown · 28/08/2018 07:57

Wait, I’m confused.

Her children are your child’s half siblings?

And is she currently married and having an affair with your ex?

Tigger365 · 28/08/2018 08:04

...we need a popcorn emoji.
This just got good!!

MoveOnTheCards · 28/08/2018 08:04

Sorry i’m confused. You say the woman is ‘someone new’ and married, that her children are nothing to your son, then you say your ex is her daughters’ father?