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AIBU?

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Original poster

To stop ex seeing DS?

18 replies

Gracie2906 · 27/08/2018 17:25

Looking for some advice, ex and I have been split considerable amount of time; we had one DS whilst together who is almost 6.

I got into a new relationship and we are extremely happy - perfect family life DP adores DS and treats him as his own; regular family days out, fishing trips, childcare whilst I work/if I ever socialise with friends and we are expecting a baby together shortly - since DP and I got together ex seemed to 'step down' from his role as father, regularly doesn't turn up to collect DS, very little contact, lives around 200 miles away from us, however he pays maintenance but it's always like trying to get blood from a stone with him and to be honest it's often commented how I try to force ex to have a relationship with DS.

Anyhow, recently I thought enough was enough, ex hasn't seen DS since 30th July as he's not turned up when he should and there's been very little telephone convo. DS hasn't mentioned it and neither have we, he seems happy and content and has so far been enjoying his summer holidays. Today, Ex text my parents Hmm advising he wants to speak to DS, DM contacted me asking me to make contact with Ex, I've done so and he seemed confused as to why it was me calling him and not DS (understandable!) but I wanted to ascertain as to why he's not turned up for DS? He was very rude to me on the phone and didn't provide an explanation as to why he hasn't shown several times for DS. Signal went & call ended, I've not returned the call and have no intention on doing so.

My question is am I within my rights to withdraw ex's contact with DS in favour of providing a stable home life without Ex 'dipping in and out' of Ds life or am I not allowed to do so? I've kept a log of everything.

Any help would be great I'm just trying to do what's right and my best.

OP posts:
stillnotTheDoctor · 27/08/2018 17:28

Technically if there's no court order in place you can do what you like. However if he did take you to court you'd have to explain your behaviour.

Why did he contact your dm not you?

It is very disrupting but rather than stopping contact id let things run their course. Ds will soon get the hang of it. Better he understands what his dad is like than blame his bad relationship with him on you stopping him from seeing him.

Queenofthestress · 27/08/2018 17:29

Is contact court ordered? If not the onus is on him to contact you as the resident parent about contact. Not the other way round.

UpstartCrow · 27/08/2018 17:32

Yanbu. Keep the diary, and make sure you include the fact that he is now phoning other people and dragging them into it.
He doesn't see himself as a neglectful parent and probably thinks he's hard done by.

LokiBear · 27/08/2018 17:33

I would always leave the door open for your son to have his dad in his life. He might be a crap excuse for a father, but your son needs to figure that out in his own time.

BaconHead · 27/08/2018 17:34

What Loki said

sue51 · 27/08/2018 17:36

As your DS is only 6, your ex should arrange contact and phone calls through you. I would not stop him seeing DS but I would not enable him in any way. All the effort should be from him from now on.

Claw001 · 27/08/2018 17:37

Agree with Loki post above.

Original poster
Gracie2906 · 27/08/2018 17:40

Thanks all for putting a bit of perspective in place. No court order. Always arranged every other weekend amongst ourselves and more often than not he doesn't show, I never tell DS he is due and he doesn't get the concept of dates/times as he's too young so thankfully I never have to explain why Daddy hasn't shown up; but make no mistake that's purely for my sons benefit and to avoid him getting unnecessarily hurt not to protect ex!

OP posts:
BaconHead · 27/08/2018 17:42

If you stop all contact your son may grow up and end up resenting you for it

WorraLiberty · 27/08/2018 17:42

I would always leave the door open for your son to have his dad in his life. He might be a crap excuse for a father, but your son needs to figure that out in his own time.

Best advice ever

And he will figure it out too eventually. Don't give your ex the 'ammo' to convince your DS that he would have been there for him if only you had allowed him to.

BaconHead · 27/08/2018 17:42

If you stop all contact your son may grow up and end up resenting you for it

Leeds2 · 27/08/2018 17:44

I would stop trying to facilitate a relationship between DS and the Ex, and leave him to make contact. If he does, I would do my best to try and make his plans for any visit work.

Original poster
Gracie2906 · 27/08/2018 17:45

You're so right, the last thing I want is DS to resent me for trying to protect him. That said it's so hard I'm only trying to protect my baby as all us Mums do I'm sure x

OP posts:
Original poster
Gracie2906 · 27/08/2018 17:50

What should I do now tho? Call him back? Get Ds to call him?

OP posts:
Original poster
Gracie2906 · 27/08/2018 17:50

What should I do now tho? Call him back? Get Ds to call him?

OP posts:
FilthyforFirth · 27/08/2018 18:00

Bite your tongue and get DS to call him back. It always pays to take the high road with this sort of thing. Your DS will figure it out on his own, probably in the not too distant future. Good luck.

Doubletrouble99 · 27/08/2018 18:05

I would tend to text him as you then have a trail of what was said. I would ask him when he was definitely coming to see DS.

LouHotel · 27/08/2018 18:37

I would text him to ask what time he wants to call DS. I don't understand a 6 year old having to make contact with his dad.

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