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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel awkward

17 replies

EWAB · 27/08/2018 14:04

Partner is very close to cousins particularly one close in age. We see him and his partner about 3 or 4 times a year travelling to their country and them coming to us.
Partner’s brother left his wife a few years ago- kids grown-amicable as can be nobody else’s involved.
At the cousin’s wedding last year We met BiL’s new partner for the first time. Lovely woman and good company. Met her about 3 times since all good.
When at cousin’s an invitation arrived for them for her significant birthday party, we invited them to stay with us when they came for party but we are not invited. Partner told his brother and he said she wanted to invite them as they had included her in wedding even though she was new to family and they had never met her, they don’t live together. Partner annoyed as it will be embarrassing. He is driving cousin who is staying with us to his own brother’s partner’s party but we’re not invited. I know we don’t really know her but we have met her and got on. I feel that it will be really awkward and putting cousins in an embarrassing position.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 27/08/2018 14:09

It will only be awkward if you make it awkward

It's odd that you and him and are not invited though, which indicates there is more to thr story, does your partner and his brother get on?

EWAB · 27/08/2018 14:14

Geniney no back story. Brothers, there are three of them all get on well enough. Other brother not invited either.

OP posts:
peachgreen · 27/08/2018 14:14

Has she maintained a relationship with the cousin? Maybe they just got on really well and became friends?

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 27/08/2018 14:16

Surely there is more to this? Does your partner not get on with his brother? Very odd not to invite him if not.

peachgreen · 27/08/2018 14:17

My DH knows my male cousin very well and they're now friends outside of our relationship. He would invite him to a birthday party, but he probably wouldn't invite my brother as they don't see each other very often and aren't really friends - no animosity or anything, they're just not close.

LusaCole · 27/08/2018 14:17

Yes, I agree it is a bit weird for her to invite her partner's cousin but not her partner's brother.

However, it sounds like your partner has already mentioned it to his brother, and an invitation wasn't forthcoming, so there's not much more you can do really!

Bluntness100 · 27/08/2018 14:22

If his other brother not invited either then it seems it's exactly what it says on the tin, her party, her friends, and she is friends with the cousins who are invited.

TerracottaDream · 27/08/2018 15:01

Just been in similar situation but without cousin dynamic.
Has she invited cousins because of the hospitality they offered her at wedding?
You have met her three times, in what circumstances? Have you offered her hospitality?

EWAB · 27/08/2018 20:54

Not really had an opportunity to offer hospitality to her other than a tea when she dropped by with BiL.
They don’t live together and she has older kids so has a busy life.
In her position I would have invited us. I wouldn’t feel awkward if cousin’s weren’t invited either or if they were staying somewhere else. We haven’t told them we are not invited.

OP posts:
peachgreen · 27/08/2018 22:34

But has she developed a relationship with the cousin? That seems the most likely explanation. It's her party, she hardly knows you, she's inviting her friends, cousin has become a friend.

Upsy1981 · 28/08/2018 07:12

I think its a way for her to acknowledge and return the invitation to their wedding, nothing more. Agree its a bit weird. How is she going to get to know you if she doesn't invite you to things? But I don't think its malicious.

EWAB · 28/08/2018 18:36

Partner’s brother has now asked us ( and other brother and cousins) to join them for lunch on Sunday at the same venue as the party the night before.
I feel that I am going to make an excuse as I will find this cringeworthy.

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 28/08/2018 18:54

Just go with good grace. Maybe numbers are tight or she has a small family or lots of friends? Anyway she’s inviting you to a lunch to celebrate her birthday. That’s not cringeworthy it’s nice.

peachgreen · 28/08/2018 19:39

You're ignoring the key question OP.

EWAB · 28/08/2018 20:21

Sorry Peach didn’t mean to. No the cousins have met her only at wedding. I totally accept it is to repay the hospitality of wedding.
However it will be weird cousins staying with us but we’re not going to party. It is BiL not her who has invited us to lunch.

OP posts:
peachgreen · 28/08/2018 21:08

In that case I'd say it's not weird that you're not invited but it is a bit weird that she's invited cousin. Maybe she just really liked her?

TerracottaDream · 28/08/2018 21:36

She clearly invited cousins to repay hospitality received at wedding she was invited to in spite of being unknown to bride and groom.
However while I understand that her relationship with your brother-in-law is relatively new and they don’t live together surely he should have insisted that you are invited given that cousins are staying with you. I could understand her not inviting you had the cousins not been invited or even if they were but staying in a hotel.
Your brother-in-law by arranging the lunch is almost confirming she is being insensitive. The cousins are going to be mortified.

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