To tell DF to do one?

[bananabreadd]

Me and DF used to be really close but I became very depressed and suicidal when I was in my teens and he completely cut me off. His reasoning being that he wanted to scare it out of me as he thought it was an attention grab. After a suicide attempt, out of the blue he brought my 4 and 7year old siblings to my bedside and they just watched me vomit and cry. They sat there in silence for about ten minutes and then left. Things got very bad for me and I was hospitalized for my mental health problems. He then realized they were real. During the first hospitalisation he promised me that once I was better we would finally take our first trip to Japan, just me and him, to do photography and art together (our passions). After being discharged from inpatient care I had an up and down recovery. But he kept dangling Japan in my face as incentive. Fast forward a few years and I've been diagnosed with EUPD. Since the diagnosis he has barely spoken to me. I fell pregnant and he ignored me until I was 8 months gone and insisted I get on a train to see him 3 hours away at 37+6. He came to see my new house in February and moaned we had no furniture despite us living there for less than 3 days and it not all being moved from storage yet. He posted on social media that I had a little brother hours before letting me know. Also posted on social media that he's going backpacking across Asia (including Japan for that extra bit of ouch) with his whole family in October including his then to be 3 month old son. And then to top it all off his mother passed away a few months back. He insisted I didn't go to the funeral as the ceremony was disrespectful (my uncle arranged in his religion and my dad is very against it). He said we'd have our own goodbye. I saw photos of the ceremony my uncle had, it was lovely. And my dad had his goodbye without me.

He won't even let me call him grandad to my daughter. Insists I call him by his first name. I was assaulted and I'm suffering ptsd and he said well atleast you're not getting beat black and blue everyday. Stop acting like it.

Sorry I needed to vent. How do I get him to fuck off. I hate this. I've been seeking this mans approval for years and now he knows I'm broken goods I'm nothing to him :(

I think you need to cut all contact with him, including blocking on social media. He doesn't seem to like you very much

Seems like it. I want to cut off contact but I know with him if I do there's no going back

Hi Banana, I'm sorry that you have had so many horrible experiences. Whatever has made your DF is heartless and uncaring, his behaviour and responses are no reflection on you. No half-way decent parent would treat their daughter like that. Concentrate on your own little girl and the other people in your life who love and care for you

I don't think that 'no going back' would be a bad thing in his case. He has proved over many years he is void of emotion. It sounds like you need help to come to terms with your relationship with him. Can you afford private counselling? Concentrate on building a life with the people who care about you. I know it must hurt you to the core that he is seemingly being a good parent to his other children but his care could be very conditional and dependent on them behaving in a certain way - like he expected from you. I could never imagine treating my children the way he has treated you. He sounds like a monster :-(

Cut all contact. He has done nothing to contribute anything good to your life.
Don't let him control you a moment longer.

Yuck . He sounds vile.
Lady, don’t stand for this. Cut him straight out. I wish you luck in the future.

@babanabreadd - you are mourning the relationship you should have had with your father - the loving, supportive dad you should,have had. I suspect that is why you are hesitant to take the final step of going no contact - because it means accepting that you will never get the caring dad you deserve.

But you deserve so much better than the way he is treating you - embrace the people in your life who do love you and support you, and don’t let this horrible man abuse you any more.

{{{hugs}}}

Sorry - that should be @bananabreadd. I am a grown up who can spell banana - honest.

Some people are horrible - he's one. Cut him dead, grieve, get counselling. Forget him. If you ever think about what he can offer, remember he doesn't come through.
Go your own way.

Honestly he doesn’t sound like he cares - he is cold and controlling from what you write.

I’d go no contact or at a very minimum low contact

Even growing up I was left out of everything. Family holidays, trips ,even just days out were scheduled around my visits. Despite promises to be invited. They got anything they wanted. My sister got an Xbox when she was 7 (no joke!) Yet daddy dearest still had a problem putting money forward to help buy me new clothes through a growth spurt. And if he did he dictated what I could wear at 16. Idk. Maybe being a jealous child has carried on until now

Are you saying you are a jealous child, @bananabreadd? Because, if so, please don’t. It sounds as if you were an emotionally abused child. A child who didn’t get the love, care and support she deserved from her father.

You are a worthwhile person, and his bad treatment of you is HIS fault - it is not, and never was your fault. I promise you this.

Banana, maybe being a left out child has carried on until now. Not jealous.

Oh I definitely was jealous as a child. Because when I was very young I had an amazing relationship with my dad. But he had a son with his new partner and then I was the tag along. And then they got married. And had another. And now another. And with every new step they take it's like they build another barrier to keep me away from their picture perfect family. Of course I was jealous. I still am. That my three siblings have the world handed to them on a gold platter. I'm lucky if I get the scraps.

Wow I am a bitter lemon.

They created that reaction in you by pushing you away, @bananabreadd - that is why I doing think you are being unkind to yourself, by attaching the jealous child label. It isn’t and wasn’t your fault.

Apologies for the random ‘doing’ in there.