In trying to help friend?

[Hangraut]

One of my closest friends is in a difficult situation - she semi lives with her ex, this is because her own place is not in a good state (lot of hoarding, it's not comfortable or relaxing being there...I've not been through the front door for 3 years because she's embarrassed about it) so it's easier to stay at his. However they're not together, he is seeing someone else and friend is quite distressed by this. He clearly doesn't want her in the house (though feels some guilt I think so won't kick her out) and is unpleasant and rude to her a lot of the time.

I think for the sake of her MH she needs to get out of there asap, but she can't live in her place ft as it is. I've tried to offer her some help with decluttering etc but she wasn't keen. I know she is embarrassed by it, and also that she is struggling with the task and finding it overwhelming. There's nothing more I can do that leave the offer open is there?

Does she have a mental health problem re the clutter? Obsessive hoarding is now a recognised mental health disorder that need help. Just offering to help clear it might freak her out

I don't think it's a MH issue as such. She's not completely obsessive about it I don't think, a lot of it is circumstance - she works long hours 6 or sometimes 7 days a week, doesn't have a car and has no easy way of disposing of stuff - she can only put out 1 small rubbish bag a fortnight. So trying to make progress on anything is difficult. And it becomes easier to do nothing.

She is someone who naturally has a lot of stuff, which is fine, not everyone wants to be minimalist, but it's impacting on her life because she doesn't have a safe sanctuary to return to, which is why I want to help.

I'm really uncomfortable with her staying in a house where she's subjected to verbal and emotional abuse.

Do you have a car, so could call round at an agreed time and collect any rubbish bags to take to the tip, without actually going into the house if she doesn't want you to? Or could her Ex do this, if he wants her out of his house?

Her ex won't do anything to help her, never has even when they were in a relationship he would leave her to make her own way to and from places.

I've offered to help with moving or disposing of stuff as I have a car but I am 45 mins away so can't just pop round unfortunately.

But there are companies that do house clearing. Surely her ex can chip in with few quid if only to get her to leave. I get that she may be embaraaased for you to see it. But it will be different if she never has to see the professionals doing it, again.

Perhaps have a ring round get a few figures.

After she pays her rent council tax and power/ water, she only has about £200 a month to live on, and half of that goes on travel expenses. I honestly don't think she has the money to pay anyone.

Her ex certainly wouldn't. He is very careful with money (that's an understatement). Chances of him giving her any money are less than zero. He is the type of person who takes soap, loo rolls and cleaning products from hid place of work rather than buying them.