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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think its unsurprising mental health services are so under funded..

104 replies

abacucat · 27/08/2018 11:30

when so many people have such awful attitudes to the mentally ill.

OP posts:
lola212121 · 29/08/2018 20:57

I'm not getting the stigma ... where is the stigma ? Stigma means it is disgraced , I really don't think mental health issues are disgraced , if someone says they have depression or manic depression or schizophrenia I don think they are disgraced , I think behaviors that are indicative of mental health illnesses are , if someone doesn't brush their teeth , or smells on a train, or can't keep a tidy house, or gets stressed without explicitly saying they are unwell then they are disgraced ... I have read it on here ....I do think that mental health issues are still not sufficiently understood and compassion is the key .

Graphista · 29/08/2018 20:59

I had a similar experience in that people u thought were good friends vanished...and people I barely knew came through wonderfully in a way I absolutely didn't expect.

Graphista · 29/08/2018 21:01

Lola are you a sufferer? Because I can assure you I have experienced stigma to the point of discrimination!

lola212121 · 29/08/2018 21:02

Graphista can you give me examples?

lola212121 · 29/08/2018 21:05

@Graphista going by your comment about friends disappearing , Do you think that they are disgraced by you ? Or is it that they are selfish and can't deal with your behavior (not compassionate ) or another explanation ?

Graphista · 29/08/2018 21:07

Denied housing, denied work, denied childcare (they wouldn't even have been dealing with me! Situation was I wasn't even doing drop off/pick up), lost friendships, even hcp's (mostly not mh ones) have been 'off' with me - and it's not just been me that's noticed, I tend to take someone with me - not always the same person - but basically having mh issues seems to mean to some hcp's that you're imagining physical ailments. When you get frustrated/cross at unprofessional/poor treatment they blame it on my mh issues rather than accepting even the possibility they may be in the wrong...

Do I need to go on?

Graphista · 29/08/2018 21:09

The 'friends' some of them I've spoken with since and they've admitted they didn't want to be with me in public 'in case I did anything weird' - which I wouldn't have I've spent my whole life hiding my illness. I'm bloody good at it.

lola212121 · 29/08/2018 21:16

@Graphista I really haven't come across this in all the years of having mental -health problems and working with people with mental -health issues . I live in a community where people with mental health problems are given so much support , I'm really shocked that you have been rejected purely on the grounds of a mental -health illness label .

Graphista · 29/08/2018 21:22

Well I can assure you it has happened. And not just to me, I've one friend who's barely clinging onto her job due to a far from understanding boss and her mh issues even she'd tell you, aren't that obvious - not helped by the fact the cause is work related and same boss made matters worse.

Thehogfather · 29/08/2018 21:59

graphista very few people in rl knew with me at the time. And I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that bringing up an abusive childhood is a bit of a conversation killer.

(not in an over sharing way, but people who are quite comfortable discussing eg pnd being the start of mental illness don't feel comfortable or know what to say when it stems from your parents)

MissusGeneHunt · 29/08/2018 22:11

@lola212121 what @graphista describes goes on day by day. I totally understand how they feel and recognize first hand what they've experienced. You are clearly in a very unique place if MH conditions are not stigmatized.

lola212121 · 29/08/2018 22:13

How can the stigma be stopped ?

Graphista · 29/08/2018 22:24

Hogfather I hear ya!

However, after my 2nd breakdown I had something of an epiphany.

One of my favourite films is copycat, in which sigourney weaver plays a psychologist who (understandably - she was targeted by a serial killer) had PTSD and agoraphobia.

I'm paraphrasing but essentially the character has a line

'The beauty of having a breakdown is I no longer give a fuck!'

I wasn't bringing things up randomly but I'd has enough of lying, hiding, trying to cover the rituals etc I had a major 'fuck it' moment.

In terms of friendships that definitely sorts the wheat from the chaff!

I'd hidden it for 17 years at that point. I was exhausted from the effort of hiding it - let alone the actual physical and mental exhaustion of assessing everywhere I went, following rituals, hiding the anxiety symptoms, hiding the depression symptoms, hiding my pain...I'd had enough!

And part of it was because I thought I was overreacting to what had happened to me - because I knew people who'd had it much worse. Including my best friend. I dreaded telling them, because they HAD been through SO much worse...

And yet when I did tell them, they not only accepted my truth, they supported me and helped me understand why, even though the abuse was 'on paper' less, it was harder in other ways for other reasons.

Their reaction made it easier to tell mh professionals without fearing a 'what? Is that it?' Reaction (aa I know they deal with people who've had 'worse' abuse).

That meant I could start to get the help I needed. Although admittedly still feels like 2 steps forward 3 back.

Still need to be doing much better - I'm on almost 9 months since I went out the flat this time round and I'm struggling to get heard partly due to budget cuts has caused a staffing issue at my Cmht.

mostdays · 29/08/2018 22:26

People know it could easily be them, don't want that to be true, seek to site the cause of the I'll

mostdays · 29/08/2018 22:27

Bugger!

... the cause of the illness in some deficiency in others that they don't share so they can convince themselves that it could never really happen to them. That's what I think a lot of the shite aimed at people with MH issues comes from.

Also people are ignorant.

Graphista · 29/08/2018 22:35

Mostdays yea I think there's truth in that too - fear of the seemingly unpredictable nature of mental illness. Similar to Hogfather I was the 'together' person. The one others turned to for support, rationality (ironically a marker of OCD - hyper logical ) I think it came as a shock to certain people that it happened 'to' someone they though had life sussed.

But then that's kinda why it happened when it did - I was doing too much, juggling too many balls, so when one was effectively taken off me, rather than relieving the pressure, it disrupted my rhythm and it all went belly up! I dropped he whole bloody lot!

Thehogfather · 30/08/2018 00:23

That makes so much sense graphista

Juggling is a very apt description. It's only luck that I didn't drop the balls when they frequently slipped, rather than it being about will power or strength. Plus, how we subconsciously find coping methods. Mine were just as controlling as yours, but less damaging iyswim. Eg having always been active and sporty I went that route, rather than agoraphobic leanings. Rather than food issues, I was obsessively cleaning the oven or doing quiet diy during the night. But never having needed much sleep it wasn't a problem in itself. And although my coping/ control methods were no more planned or deliberate than yours, again luck meant they didn't cause further harm.

Imo too comparisons aren't always accurate, let alone a good way to decide who is worthy of help. For me anyway the experiences other people would think the most destroying aren't the hard parts, I've blocked them to the point they happened to another child, so effectively don't harm me. It's the parts that individually don't sound that bad on paper that I have the most difficulty with.

And I think being a parent yourself makes it worse, because it suddenly dawns on you just how awful it was, especially unwitting comparisons to your own childhood. Although on the plus side the realisation for me anyway that it couldn't have been my fault.

Graphista · 30/08/2018 00:34

Yea, I had what I've described as a 'mini' breakdown just after having dd upon it making me realise just how completely abnormal my own childhood was.,

I've never been a sleeper either. I'm currently entering hour 32 of this bout of sleeplessness and that's even despite being on a medication that knocks most right out! Many sleepless nights due to just not being able to fall asleep. Even when I do it's rarely for more than 4 hours at a time.

Bineverywhere · 30/08/2018 14:38

Stigma: try buying personal accident insurance for sports! I usually have to speak to the under-writer who goes to great lengths to tell me I'm not covered for slashing my wrists whilst participating in sport.

People not talking to me.

Health professionals assuming every ailment is attention-seeking. "Ingrown toenail? That's your BPD".

Dog still adores me. Cat indifferent.

CorneliusCrackers · 30/08/2018 14:45

From my experience, people who have acute severe mental illness get the help they need, I.e people with psychosis/true mania/psychotic depression/a truesuicide attempt.

People with long standing personality disorders get worse care, but are also (IMO!!) less motivated to personally work in their own issues and improve their lives, and can take on a victim role that means they are at odds with services who are the ‘bad guy’

Mental health services were designed for the severely mentally ill, but are having to cope with societal problems such as personality disorders caused by early trauma due to poverty/abuse.

lola212121 · 30/08/2018 17:33

@CorneliusCrackers I agree , I think that the personality disorders are not stigmatized as such but they are very awkward to deal with and yes they see themselves as victims or can be very selfish and demanding which is very hard for everyone else . I m not sure mental health illnesses are stigmatized but people with personality disorders would see it that way . Lightbulb moment Smile

mostdays · 30/08/2018 18:08

I m not sure mental health illnesses are stigmatized but people with personality disorders would see it that way

I don't have a PD; I know that there remains social stigma attached to mental ill health. I know that people with mental health issues suffer discrimination. I know that outcome and experiences in terms of work, finances, relationships, housing, etc are far worse for people with mental health issues than those without.

Graphista · 30/08/2018 19:05

Mostdays - thank you! Well said - no PD here either.

CorneliusCrackers · 30/08/2018 19:14

Mostdays - I agree, people with mental health conditions are definitley stigmatised and discriminated against.

Speaking. As someone with a close relation who has a personality disorder, I don’t think people necessarily intend to stigmatise/discriminate, rather that there is a certain standard of behaviour expected in most situations, and if people don’t meet this then people view them very negatively, which is where the discrimination comes from.

An example would be: my relative in Starbucks. They ask for your name on the cup. Most people would give there name, maybe sigh, give a fake one, whatever. I was with my relation with Pd where they went into a long rant about how unacceptable and upsetting it was being asked for their name, asked to speak to the manager, cause a massive scene. Over nothing. So now my relative feels uncomfortable about going into that Starbucks as some of the staff obviously talk about them and are rude. They discriminate against them and make them feel uncomfortable, but not because they have a mental health condition but rather because their behaviour marks them out as unsual/gossip worthy IYSWIM. Whereas my relative thinks that all Starbucks are evil now, and perceives hemselves to be a victim of Starbucks the corporation, taking no responsibility over any difficulties.

It’s very difficult. I genuinely think that mental health services are trying their best in difficult services, and that societies view of people with mental health issues is much more understanding, but we don’t live in a perfect world.

MajesticWhine · 31/08/2018 21:10

@mostdays - In terms of work, finances, relationships, housing, etc how would people know about a mental health condition in order to discriminate? Or do you mean more a systemic discrimination?