Hogfather I hear ya!
However, after my 2nd breakdown I had something of an epiphany.
One of my favourite films is copycat, in which sigourney weaver plays a psychologist who (understandably - she was targeted by a serial killer) had PTSD and agoraphobia.
I'm paraphrasing but essentially the character has a line
'The beauty of having a breakdown is I no longer give a fuck!'
I wasn't bringing things up randomly but I'd has enough of lying, hiding, trying to cover the rituals etc I had a major 'fuck it' moment.
In terms of friendships that definitely sorts the wheat from the chaff!
I'd hidden it for 17 years at that point. I was exhausted from the effort of hiding it - let alone the actual physical and mental exhaustion of assessing everywhere I went, following rituals, hiding the anxiety symptoms, hiding the depression symptoms, hiding my pain...I'd had enough!
And part of it was because I thought I was overreacting to what had happened to me - because I knew people who'd had it much worse. Including my best friend. I dreaded telling them, because they HAD been through SO much worse...
And yet when I did tell them, they not only accepted my truth, they supported me and helped me understand why, even though the abuse was 'on paper' less, it was harder in other ways for other reasons.
Their reaction made it easier to tell mh professionals without fearing a 'what? Is that it?' Reaction (aa I know they deal with people who've had 'worse' abuse).
That meant I could start to get the help I needed. Although admittedly still feels like 2 steps forward 3 back.
Still need to be doing much better - I'm on almost 9 months since I went out the flat this time round and I'm struggling to get heard partly due to budget cuts has caused a staffing issue at my Cmht.