Changing name after marriage

[TheMarbleFaun]

It seems to be a complete bollocks to change your name on things (particularly bank accounts when there’s no actual branch) so AIBU to just open new ones?

*@SlothSlothSloth
*
Of course. Funny how the majority of women, and very few men, want to put themselves through this specific hassle though, isn’t it?

My DH didn't give two hoots about what name I should choose. I chose to double-barrel because I want to. I like the look of it. My DH officially uses his birth name but he has used mine informally in restaurants etc. We are given the choice to use someone elses name, and some of us want to. Don't be so agressive over it, your choice shouldn't effect ours.

I am glad that banks are a bit difficult about name changes tbh. Feels safe to me. But they should have a working protocol for it though.

I started reading this thread and I was waiting to come across a "why are you changing your name" 😂😂

When people write this stuff on threads, do they truly expect to change someone's mind? Or it's a just a vent?

OP has told us off for making assumptions about sexes here cough! Non-use of husband was deliberate and in response to that.

Jeez I'm sorry I asked what I thought was a genuine question
Mumsnet is a strange place sometimes

Re posters having a go at people who question the name-changing. If someone posts about the enormous faff they are having in changing their name, it seems entirely reasonable to point out that you don’t have to change your name. So. You don’t have to go through the hassle that so many posters are describing.

I don’t know why people are questioning your choice here. I wanted to change my name too.

I didn’t find it too much hassle really. I did my passport before we were even married, since I wanted to go on our honeymoon as Mrs newname. The bank was easy...just went in with my marriage certificate I think. Can’t remember if I made an appointment or not, or if I needed other documents. I don’t have a driving licence so don’t know about that.

The only issues were with things that don’t matter. I went in to switch my mobile phone contract and they copied my certificate, but never actually changed it. Called them, they said they needed another copy, and I never bothered and stayed in my maiden name. Same with internet provider. Just doesn’t matter, and couldn’t be bothered with more long phone calls (I asked to change names while was on the phone about something else for a long time, and they told me I’d need to join the queue again to speak to another department!).

Actually, not changing your name may become more of a ballache once children are involved and one parent wants to (do anything) e.g. take the children abroad and the names don't match. Or when you need proof of address, proof of ID etc.

OP, changing your name is really straightforward. A marriage certificate (or a certified copy - I rarely use the original) is usually all you need.

And I would find it more of a hassle having to change all direct debits, standing order forms etc. when attempting to open a new account rather than just go and show a certificate in a branch.

If someone posts about the enormous faff they are having in changing their name, it seems entirely reasonable to point out that you don’t have to change your name.

So if the post had been ‘I’m trying to organise a group holiday, but it’s a hassle getting people to commit’, you'd have commented ‘Well you don’t have to go on holiday’? If the OP was struggling with wedding planning you’d have said ‘You don’t have to get married’?

I very much doubt the OP didn’t know she doesn’t HAVE to change her name. There’s only one reason for these posts.

Just take a copy of the cert with the original in to the Garda station and they will stamp and sign the copy as a real copy and that's it certified

Yes, God forbid that anyone should express any scepticism or offer an alternative to the patriarchal status quo on a predominantly female discussion forum.

Actually, not changing your name may become more of a ballache once children are involved and one parent wants to (do anything) e.g. take the children abroad and the names don't match. Or when you need proof of address, proof of ID etc.

Why would the names not match one of the parents? People can and do use both.

Why are you putting yourself through all this hassle for an outdated tradition that positions you as firmly secondary to your husband? Why not keep your name or have him change his

If you think that then surely getting married is also an outdated tradition?

I have only ever heard this on MN

I just photo copied loads of copies of my marriage cert when I got back from honeymoon and wrote a standard letter all in one go - was so much easier.

I have only ever heard this on MN grin

Don't people realise that when they say that they're just saying they know an extremely narrow range of people in real life?

Or Mumsnet is full of miserable cows

Yes, God forbid that anyone should express any scepticism or offer an alternative to the patriarchal status quo on a predominantly female discussion forum.

It’s nothing to do with ‘patriarchal status quo’ The OP hasn’t expressed any concerns about or resistance to changing her name. She wants to do it - she’s simply asking for practical advice. It’s not up to you to force your agenda on someone else.

Why would the names not match one of the parents?

As evidenced in my wider family and friendship circle more than once: parent 1 called Smith, parent 2 called Jones. Children named Jones after parent 2. Parents later split up and take their children abroad in alternating years. Jones parent has no issues. Smith parent faces far more extensive border checks as the children's names don't match their own and need extensive evidence every time - permission letters, birth certificates etc. rather than just a passport. Far more hassle.

The point being wormzy that it's more than possible to give both parents' names to the children, thus avoiding the problem you speak of. You said not changing your name may be a ballache once the children are involved, but that assumes the children only have the father's surname. No reason to think that would be the case.

It’s nothing to do with ‘patriarchal status quo’ hmm

Yeah, it really is.

The OP hasn’t expressed any concerns about or resistance to changing her name.

The entire thread was started by her describing the 'massive ballache' of doing all the admin of changing your name.