Event two weeks post section

[cocopops33]

This is slightly sensitive and I'm not sure if I'm BU or mil is being slightly selfish about her expectations regarding my recovery.
I'm due to have a section in a few weeks time. Two weeks after my section date it is fils anniversary mass. For the first few years after fil passed away mil would have a mass said and invite family and friends back for a buffet at her house but she hasn't done this in a few years and instead we've just had attended mass and gone for a meal with just immediate family. This year mil wants to do a mass to mark fils anniversary which is fine but then have a buffet at her house with all friends and family attending and keeps saying how it will be great for everyone to meet the new baby. I'm not keen on this and am feeling under pressure as I want to be there for DH but I'm not feeling comfortable being in a full house of 20 of more people some of them with young kids with a newborn 2 weeks post section. I'm hoping to breastfeed also. Im also worried about the baby been passed around by so many people some are smokers and I think it would be harder to ensure people were washing their hands before holding the baby. WIBU to ask DH to drive me home after the mass and let him attend the buffet on his own?

I absolutely could have done this 2 weeks post my EMCS but appreciate everyone has different recovery times/natured babies.
I would not commit to this until the day of to see how you feel.
I would probably also wear baby in a stretchy sling the whole time to avoid being passed around.
If I only felt up to going to the mass then I would have DH drive me home.
You and newborn baby are most important in all of this.

If you don't want to do it, don't do it. It's not outlandish of her to suggest it though.

I would have been physically fine to go 2 weeks after mine, but I wouldn't have gone because I would have felt it was too early for the baby

Just see how you feel on the day OP and take it from there. Don't commit to anything now. You may be up to it which is fine but if you're not DH can explain that when he gets there.

Play it by ear - depending on travel distances how about just attending the nosh after but have an escape route if possible - people should be understanding as you'll have just had an operation and a baby - women who've delivered normally or near normally can feel just as sore and tired - if it was me I'd glam up , grab some food , keep hold of my baby from most of them , stay for a short time tell MIL how lovely it was then leave early ( if you want to )

Don't make an issue of it. See how you feel on the day. I found after my babies I was often delighted to clean myself up and head out to daytime stuff. It helped me feel a bit more normal. It's entirely up to yourself on the day and not something you can you can decide on beforehand. I also had c sections and I recovered really well but everyone is different

I agree you should play it by ear.

I would have been fine with this after both my c sections (the second one, which was planned, I was up for most things after a week). And I would have quite enjoyed it.

But impossible to know how you'll feel, so don't feel pressured into committing.

Wait and see how you feel but definitely don't feel bad if you aren't up to it! You might surprise yourself and be keen to show off baby! I think even going to the mass would be very good of you (I probably wouldn't even do that!) so please don't be feeling bad. DH can say you aren't feeling up to it. Unless it is important to DH that you go, which doesn't seem to be the case from your op

Just say you'll need to see how you feel and how the baby is feeding etc and leave it at that.

another vote for saying you'll see how you feel. I've had 2 sections, I couldn't have done it after 1 of them but could, and did, after the other. it was my aunt's 80th party 2 weeks after ds was born, an hour and a half's drive away. thankfully no-one put any pressure on me to go but on the day, I felt able to manage it, so we went and it was lovely. but if I'd been nagged to go and was feeling sore/tired/emotional it would have been a lot less fun.

It's major surgery and you have no idea how quickly you'll recover
Like a PP I went out about 1-2 weeks after my c-section, then managed a wedding after 6 weeks.
But, I only managed the service and meal, I came home then as I was absolutely knackered and needed to get back into comfy clothes.

Just see how you are on the day, and best of luck !

I like the PP ideas about being enthusiastic (so you dont have to put up with interim nagging etc) and then just decide on the day.

You just have to decide if you are letting DH in on your cunning plan (because he will be 100% supportive) or not (if he is going to be annoyingly “oh I'm sure you will feel up to it”, “just keep an open mind” which is all code for I’m going to try and persuade you to go, so I dont get any flack from DM)

I wouldn't want lots of people passing my newborn around! They have such immature immune systems at that age, even a cold or norovirus or cold sore can be dangerous. I'd only go if I could have the baby in a sling or DH could (not sore if you can use a sling 2 weeks after a section but it puts people off touching them if they're on your boobs. I used to wear low cut tops for breastfeeding so baby I as literally snuggled on my boobs!)