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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex husband weekend & he is on the piss

16 replies

Stepmum3 · 26/08/2018 17:55

I am fuming. My ex husband has the children this weekend and made the children stay an extra night (tonight). They should of returned tonight but he told them to stay. So I am not wanting my children to choose between me or him. So I didn’t make s fuss.
So my daughter got a notification on her fb it comes up on my phone as I check her fb constantly for safety. Anyway her bloody Dad has gone out on a lads night out and left the children with his girlfriend. On closer inspection he did the same on Friday their first night at his.

I am so annoyed but I am sorry the children are there to see his dad not the girlfriend. I have no issue with her I buy her gifts etc for events. He has the children for roughly 48hrs in a 2 week period and he can’t keep lads nights out to his weekend with no children.
My partner says I can’t really dictate what they do and as my children are too fearful to say anything to their dad it will never change.

I really need to vent.

OP posts:
NapQueen · 26/08/2018 17:56

Do you ever go on nights out when the dcs are with you?

Branleuse · 26/08/2018 17:57

It would piss me off but i wouldnt do anything about it

CarolDanvers · 26/08/2018 17:58

What's that got to do with anything? He kept them an extra night that OP and kids didn't want them to and then pissed off out!

Original poster
Stepmum3 · 26/08/2018 17:59

Generally no as I feel my time is important with them. However, I have them 12 days out 14 days so I have to limit my nights out to certain times.

However on a rare occasion I have been out. I know this isn’t rare for my ex he does it most weekends.

OP posts:
Coconutcreampie · 26/08/2018 17:59

@napqueen that's besides the point. He's gone out 2/3 of the nights he's had them this weekend, the op would have had to have gone out roughly every night for a week to have had the same amount of time out

c3pu · 26/08/2018 18:00

Do nothing. Your ex is demonstrating to the children what he thinks of his priorities, when they are adults this will be the foundation of their relationship with him.

RedSkyLastNight · 26/08/2018 18:01

What time did he go out? I agree it's pretty rubbish, but if he didn't go out until they were in bed, you can't really argue he's prioritising going out over his DC.

ThePinkOcelot · 26/08/2018 18:02

I would be furious! I wouldn’t be able to not say anything!

Napqueen, he has them for a weekend every other week! Surely he could stay in then! Not the same as OP having a night out!!

Original poster
Stepmum3 · 26/08/2018 18:03

C3pu- I try to remember this but it really annoys me and actually upsets me as I actually want to do something tomorrow with them.
I have tried to contain myself by not driving over to his house and collecting them. But I know I would upset them more.

OP posts:
MissusGeneHunt · 26/08/2018 18:03

I get it, OP. DS goes to his dad's in the hols, for four or five days. At least half of those ExP ends up working. Then when DS is back home, we find out he takes another week off. Not good.

justnotgoodenough · 26/08/2018 18:03

I agree it's poor on his part since he doesn't have them all that much, especially as he's gone twice. Not sure what you mean by the dc being fearful, but if they are old enough to be on FB, perhaps soon they will feel able to tell him if they're not happy about what goes on at his. I'm not saying kids should dictate everything that happens, but they should feel able to say they're disappointed, assuming they are, and then he could decide not to go, or explain it's a special occasion etc etc.

Yanbu to think it's a bit shit, but there's not a lot you can do other than keeping an eye on the kids' feelings and perhaps not allowing him to change plans at the last minute if they're not happy.

ThePinkOcelot · 26/08/2018 18:04

Redsky, it’s just after 6 now. They’ll not be in bed surely!

Toohot12244 · 26/08/2018 18:04

To be fair I’d just leave it up to him... as you said you have then 12 out of 14days .. if he wants to make poor decisions then so be it...
realistically the kids will probably remember when older without you making it an issue.
Yes they should be seeing their dad but it’s not for you to police it. Enjoy 11 out of 14 nights with them this time and let them make their own mind up.

Original poster
Stepmum3 · 26/08/2018 18:04

My children don’t go to bed till 11 as this is a constant debate.

Thank you to those who can see my point. If I say anything I will not be constructive.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stepmum3 · 26/08/2018 18:05

Bed time is 11 at his house not mine.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stepmum3 · 26/08/2018 18:20

My children are 11 and 13. They don’t like to upset their dad. As he is very dramatic and everything is about him. Sort of person who also flys off the handle and it’s everyone else’s fault. Currently he’s partner is having anger management which shocks everyone as he is the person who really needs it.
We have counselling for our younger son and when he attends he makes it about himself which frustrates me and I remind myself it’s about my son all the time.

OP posts:
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