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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my 15 year old DD going to Notting Hill Carnival

39 replies

Margot110 · 26/08/2018 17:01

Hi all, my DD (15, 16 in November) is set on going to carnival tomorrow with 5 or so friends. I’m terrified of the violence (acid and splashing), not so much her being overwhelmed with her being very streetwise and not someone to find these situations scary. I know she’d have a good time but I’m just very scared of something going wrong and she’s trying to tell me the likelihood of this is low but I’m not convinced

OP posts:
Dapplegrey · 26/08/2018 17:03

Don't blame you.

Original poster
Margot110 · 26/08/2018 17:03

@Dapplegrey I’m so torn between allowing her some freedom and fun and her safety. What do you think I should do?

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 26/08/2018 17:04

To be honest OP violence at carnival is much lower than the media suggests, the majority of people are there to dance and have fun and take in the spectacle. I can understand your anxiety though and if you’re not comfortable with her going it’s your decision, but there are a lot of police there - loads! And they have anti weapon scanner etc. If your DD did go maybe you could ask her to stay near the police to make you feel better?

CarolDanvers · 26/08/2018 17:06

I wouldn't. I live near by and have a 15 year old and no way in hell would I let him go. He wouldn't want to anyway. I think you'll get loads of posters telling you it's fine and SO much fun because they had fab times as youngsters themselves. Well it's different now, more drugs and knives about. Today would even have been better, Monday is always busier and more chaotic. How would she take not being allowed to go?

Original poster
Margot110 · 26/08/2018 17:09

@caroldanvers I’d definitely be dealing with stroppiness tomorrow but I’d take that over blaming myself for letting her go forever. Drugs don’t worry me as I think that if she wants to do them, she will: whether it’s at the park, a festival or carnival. I do think the violence is overplayed by the media but I just don’t know to what extent. Ah I wish she was 2 again! Sad

OP posts:
Lndnmummy · 26/08/2018 17:10

Hell no!

NameChangedNow · 26/08/2018 17:12

I'd let her go. There is minimal violence compared to the amount of people who go there. Normal rules at festivals/events apply re sticking together etc

MissusGeneHunt · 26/08/2018 17:17

Go through the basics of personal safety with her, at least so you're reassured that you've 'had that chat'. The Suzy Lamplugh website has some good stuff on it about PS. www.suzylamplugh.org
HTH Smile

Hoopaloop · 26/08/2018 17:20

Been 3 times. As long as they leave the area by end of Monday (7pm), they'll avoid all the marauding gangs.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 26/08/2018 17:21

It was the most threatening environment I experienced 30 years ago. Has it improved? I’d probably say no based on my experience.

Dapplegrey · 26/08/2018 17:21

Could you come to a compromise that she only goes for a certain amount of time?
I have no first hand knowledge of the Notting Hill Carnival as we live in the country so all I know comes from reading the paper.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 26/08/2018 17:21

if you let her go, impress upon them that they must leave the area before dark.

SpoonBlender · 26/08/2018 17:21

I've been to about a dozen and had more random dances and hugs from happy drunk strangers than anything else. Never seen any fights, don't think I've even ambo folks moving.

Obviously I missed the actual riot a decade ago...

She'll be fine, though as ever it's best if she's with a group of friends.

Kamma89 · 26/08/2018 17:57

Violence totally over hyped by media and targets & perpetrators tend to be known to each other. I'd insist she leave at least an hour before it ends to avoid the mass crush to get out/on public transport.

Bluelady · 26/08/2018 18:01

The media love to hype up the dangers of things like the carnival. I can understand your anxiety but she should be fine with a group of friends if she leaves at a sensible time.

Sophia99 · 26/08/2018 18:03

YANBU. No WAY would I let a 15 y.o to the NHC.

No way in hell.

For a multitude of reasons. Which I think are pretty obvious!

And I have been to it before, before anyone starts.........

ladyloopy · 26/08/2018 18:04

Been to it many times. As others say the bad press is so overdone. I'd let her.

surferjet · 26/08/2018 18:05

YANBU.
Thankfully my teenagers wouldn’t go anywhere near it.

Tobebythesea · 26/08/2018 18:16

I wouldn’t either. No way!

Fruitbatdancer · 26/08/2018 18:18

I’ve been twice. (Dragged by friends reluctantly both times!) it was shit. I got High just walking round, the atmosphere was vile and scary (and I was in a big group) I love a good festival, Carnival was not a nice atmosphere. I saw violence both times. I would put up with her strop and keep her home.

Mandarine · 26/08/2018 18:19

I inadvertently ended up in the carnival today with DS (also 15). It was chucking it down and absolutely crap. The worst thing was it took us hours to get out. No Ubers as the whole area closed to traffic. Walked to Ladbroke Grove - closed. Walked to Westbourne Park - closed. Walked to Notting Hill, got elbowed in the face in the midst of a street party, only to find that was closed as well! Literally you can’t get out of the place. All the usual shops and cafes boarded up and graffiti sprayed already. To be honest the rain was so bad and I was so pissed off, I didn’t notice if it was threatening or not. The police were EVERYWHERE but none of them could tell us the way out. Even when we got to Notting Hill Gate the traffic was being restricted by police so basically we had to walk to Kensington to get an Uber. Hideous.

noleavinggift · 26/08/2018 18:21

No, just no. She's far too young.

CarolDanvers · 26/08/2018 18:26

Anyone stuck in the area as Mandarine describes, and I have experienced this myself, head towards Shepherds Bush or Hammersmith tube stations, it feels counter productive as you are heading out of central London, but those tubes are running and relatively uncrowded and at Hammersmith there are 4 different tube lines to pick up there.

Alternatively don't go Smile. I've lived a couple of miles away for 15 years and never felt the need to go more than once.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 26/08/2018 18:32

Today would have been better to go

Monday later on in the day the atmosphere can change

aintnothinbutagstring · 26/08/2018 18:35

I went about 10yrs ago, when I was 21/22. It seemed pretty safe but not as much fun as I expected, lots of walking as covers a large area (or was it just because I was drunk?). Lots of police but they can't stop everything. The year I went appeared to be stabbing free. Me and my friend left early evening and went out closer to our hotel.