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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Please help - need some advice

14 replies

Digout · 26/08/2018 13:01

I’ve had good advice on here before so thought I’d come back for more.

I split up with my ex four years ago. We have two children. He has remarried but it was not an amicable break up and he still revels in trying to make my life difficult. Unfortunately he’s still at the stage where if I ask him to do something, he will do the opposite. So I can’t even broach the subject with him or he will do it even more.

While looking after our seven year old DD last week he left her unattended at his workplace. He is a flying instructor at a small but busy airfield. She was alone in his office. This office opens directly on to a grassed area which leads to a taxi way and then the runway. The only barrier between the office and taxi way and runway is an old wooden fence with a 2m gap in the middle. So basically there is no barrier and she could walk straight out. It is about ten metres from the office door to the taxi way.

She says that every ten minutes he would touch down on the runway and she would run out so he could see her, do a thumbs up and then take off again.
I should probably also mention that there is no security to the airfield. It is open access to the general public.
She is a sensible child and knows not to wander on to the runway but I am not happy at all. There may have been some other airfield users around but none supervising her. She actually managed to cut herself during this time in the kitchen area but didn’t tell her dad as it had stopped bleeding by the time he landed.

So AIBU in wanting this to stop? As I said, I can’t ask him not to so what could I do? He would deny everything to SS or police and it would be his word against a seven year old.

OP posts:
TheSerenDipitY · 26/08/2018 13:49

wow, sorry to read n run but ill get you bumped back up and maybe someone will have some good advice

Digout · 26/08/2018 15:51

Anyone?!? Could really do with some unemotional input

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Aprilshowersinaugust · 26/08/2018 15:55

Email his boss. Health& safety issue.
And what are you requesting him to do that he does the opposite? - this is normal twat ex behaviour ime

Pebblesandfriends · 26/08/2018 15:57

Why is she allowed at his workplace? surley there's some health and safety regulations about this? If he's working why is she with him rather than in childcare? I think I would be raising concerns with his employer about what they have in place to protect her. I can't imagine that they allow kids to be at an airfield unsupervised.

unicorncow · 26/08/2018 15:59

I can totally understand your frustration and I'd be furious! I find it bad enough that my ex lets my just turned 7 year old at the park on her own (her siblings go too but they aren't much older and they can't be responsible for her!) I'd definitely speak to his boss, that is not safe at all!

frenchfancy · 26/08/2018 16:00

Not acceptable. Was it a one off? Was there another plan that got changed at last minute? Who ever is responsible for the airfield takes responsibility for the unaccompanied minor if anything should happen. I would want full assurances that this will never happen again.

Digout · 26/08/2018 16:15

Unfortunately he is the boss. It is his flying school. There is no contract in place with the landowner so I wouldn’t be able to approach him. He probably wouldn’t even let me on the land anyway.
Would ss do anything?

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Pebblesandfriends · 26/08/2018 16:29

If he's the boss he is even more responsible for her wellbeing and making sure health and safety at work are adhered to. I would phone up the civil aviation authority in the first instance.

Digout · 26/08/2018 16:38

That’s a really good idea, I hadn’t thought of that. Thanks

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3girlmama · 26/08/2018 16:39

I know you have said you can't ask him to not do it any more but.... give it a go. Broach the subject with him. Tell him you don't think it's responsible, anything could happen. Accidents happen in a split second. If he won't listen (sounds likely) stop letting him have her when he's working. He'll possibly kick up stink about it but if he gets anyone involved with it then you can explain why and they will see your reason and agree.
Apologies if I sound naive btw. It's just what I would do x

Digout · 26/08/2018 16:51

There is a court order stating when he has her which I can’t go against. Things have settled down since it was put in place so I am reluctant to provoke him by criticising him

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3girlmama · 26/08/2018 19:33

Hmmm it's a tricky one 🤔
Is dd happy when it happens? If not she could tell him that. If she is, maybe just have a chat with her about safety and danger and rules there as it might not be obvious to her what the danger is there?

fluffypudcats · 26/08/2018 19:36

Can you speak to a solicitor to find out whether you could go back to court and get the order amended?

Digout · 26/08/2018 20:04

I don’t think she’s bothered, she’s just bored. But I’m very bothered by the fact that she’s unsupervised for such a long time and in that environment. If something scared her, like a bee, she would just run straight out.
Unfortunately I can’t afford to go back to court. And he always comes across really well to officials so I can’t risk it.

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