Struggling with feelings

[Candymay]

I would really appreciate some advice or feedback but please not too much criticism!

I have always struggled with dealing with bad news or worrying events. This has blighted my life and more importantly it has been damaging for my children when they see mum can’t cope. I’m very guilty about this. I am single and don’t have many friends. This is very much linked to my fear of having relationships. I have never got over the pain and anguish of my first break up so I stay of any repeat.

Last week I had some very bad news. Several horrible shocks. I have not managed to process this and I’m struggling to get through each day. The weekend is worst. And this weekend is a bank holiday which means I have an extra day to get through. This is what has prompted me to reach out on here. I suppose the AIBU is - is it ok to reach out to strangers here? Is it ok to feel wounded and distressed to the point wh

I feel distressed and sick and as if I will never get over the loss. I can’t be specific about the loss because of identifying myself if anyone knows me on here.

The main issue is that I feel so dreadful inside. So full of shame and so worthless. Why can’t I be a better and stronger parent?

It’s fine to reach out to help! I’m sure you’ll get good support on here.

As you say, you haven’t given any specifics so it’s hard to comment but I’m sorry you’re having a tough time

Does keeping busy and distracted help you not to brood on things? It’s raining here today but if I was feeling stuck in my head I’d wrap up and go for a long walk.

What makes you feel better about life, the small things?

Have a lazy day! See if there are any good films on, preferably comedies, or go on Netflix and see what's on there that's funny. Alternatively music does the trick for me...

Thank you so much.

I can’t seem to distract myself. It’s the constant thinking about this awful situation. I find it almost impossible to do anything else. I’m not even sleeping without pills.

The pattern I’m seeing is that I have always reacted like this to sad or stressful events. It’s like an inner sick panic. And I’ve damaged my children by my inability to cope with life.

"Why can't I be a better and stronger person?"

Well, it sounds like the battle you're going through with yourself makes you an unbelievably strong person.

It's ok not to be ok, and it's definitely ok to admit that you're struggling and reach out for help. Strangers are great for that. Without knowing specifics i can't give much advice, apart from be kind to yourself and just spend some time doing things for yourself.
I would also recommended asking for help elsewhere as I bet it would be amazing for you to speak to someone about all this (maybe a counsellor-someone else you don't know).

Hope you're ok ❤️

Hi Candyman,

Please stop beating yourself up! You've gone through something traumatic within the last week (and it sounds like it involves loss/grief) so it is quite natural to feel completely balled over by it and entirely overwhelmed and to even experience despair. Maybe this is causing you to panic and even to feel a bit like the world is ending- that's ok too.

Try to remove your guilt about the effect of your panic on your kids from the equation. If you experience psychological symptoms then you don't always have control over them, just as someone suffering from a "physical" illness cannot necessarily control the impact of their seizures or persistent vomiting or whatever else on their family.

Instead focus on steps you can take to cope with the situation- so you could phone or whatsapp a friend, write a diary entry about everything that you're going through (you could even write to your future self and ask when you will feel better and how things work out); bake, watch a film, go bowling, go out to a cafe with the kids, go for a run/swim. If all this seems impossible at the moment then you could spend some time researching counsellors, CBT therapists or other support that could help you through this difficult time.

Thank you so so much. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your kind words everyone. It’s made me cry which I think I need.