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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to report to nspcc/ss

20 replies

Changedforpost · 26/08/2018 08:41

Changed name and will have to be fairly vague for this but I'll give as much as I can.
I have a feeling I really should report someone to ss/nspcc but the sheer guilt of doing so is something I'm struggling with.
It's my friends children I'm.worried about. They regularly look unkempt unwashed and generally not well looked after. They are regularly ill and suffering from Infections. House isn't clean and to be honest is a bit of a shithole. They never have any money to feed kids properly as the dad spends it on weed and gambling.

Struggling to give examples of this as it will out me, but kids always have injuries from dads lax parenting. Missing lots of school aswel.
This is hard as I can't say a lot. Happy to via message as this is private. Just don't know what to do. I've helped endlessly with food,furniture,clothing etc but there's still a niggling feeling in the back of my head that something else needs doing. Any advice would be amazing

OP posts:

sd249 · 26/08/2018 08:45

If you know they miss school a lot then maybe you could go to the school?

Then it wouldn't necessarily reach SS, however your information may be the last bit of the jigsaw puzzle for school to realise that these children are really in need of help.

The school will have a designated safeguarding person just for things like this, so maybe ring up and ask to speak to them?

Queenofthestress · 26/08/2018 08:45

Pm me if you want
But I would speak to either nspcc, social services or pastoral care, this could be the last piece of the puzzle needed

Babdoc · 26/08/2018 08:45

It sounds like their mum is not coping and needs some help. Why would you NOT get SS or the NSPCC involved? It’s not “reporting” a crime, it’s getting an aid agency in to sort out a crisis. You’re doing it to help, not to get a friend into trouble!

user1493413286 · 26/08/2018 08:47

I would call social services; sounds like they need help/a hard push to sort things out

Myusername2015 · 26/08/2018 08:48

I work in safeguarding in education and I’d urge you to report. It could be the missing piece in a jigsaw for the family to get some support. I imagine School already have concerns due to absence.

SenoritaViva · 26/08/2018 08:51

I also have safegauarding responsibilities at school and would recommend making contact with NSPCC (will offer good advice) who will probably recommend SS.

stillnotTheDoctor · 26/08/2018 08:51

If they miss school a lot I'd expect ss to already be involved?

QuantumPixies · 26/08/2018 08:51

The best thing to do is to ring the NSPCC for advice. You can give them all the details you might not be comfortable sharing here and let them guide you.

Schools usually have policies for persistent non attenders so I’d expect them to have a flag raised there already.

NameChange30 · 26/08/2018 08:54

Please call NSPCC. They can advise and will report your concerns to social services if necessary. So you only have to make one call, you don’t have to call both.

If I were you I’d feel guilty if I didn’t report. These children are being severely neglected

Original poster

Changedforpost · 26/08/2018 09:03

Thankyou everyone sound advice. I am compiling an email to nspcc anonymously as we speak. I think it's guilt as I know she tries... I do think she's dragged down by her lazy disgusting partner. I know ss arent monsters I just feel guilty as it's going behind a friend's back.

OP posts:

Lalliella · 26/08/2018 09:19

Definitely definitely definitely report. Those kids are at risk. If in doubt always report. It may be that it’s investigated and everything is fine and it’s been a waste of time and effort, but that is so much better than the alternative. In this case it sounds pretty clear cut though.

NameChange30 · 26/08/2018 09:19

She doesn’t try hard enough. To put it bluntly, she is failing them.

An email is better than nothing but it would be better to call and give them all the information they ask for. The family will never find out it was you who reported even if you give your name to NSPCC or SS.

Original poster

Changedforpost · 26/08/2018 09:54

Do they really never give your name? If this is the case will ring tomorrow when my 3 are in bed and my oh goes to work

OP posts:

xJessica · 26/08/2018 10:00

I'm in a very similar predicament to you, OP. I would pm you for a chat if I knew how!

hungryhippo90 · 26/08/2018 10:00

Yeah I think it needs reporting. There’s no way these children aren’t being failed

Welliejellie · 26/08/2018 10:38

I work with children's services you can phone them without giving your name. They will then look in to it. Please do it this family obviously need help. The children won't be removed if mum and dad co operate they will be given help to make the children lives better.
They will never know it's you and thinks can only get better.
It is hard op if it is your friend but the children need to come first.

Leesa65 · 26/08/2018 12:03

I used to have this fear of the SS (Not helped by the ending of a docudrama called Cathy come Home) . Until I had need of them in my youngest DCs lives and they have been incredible.

However, they will HELP so in this case, Yes, tell them OP

They don't want to break up families, they cannot afford to do so for one, but they can and will offer the support the Mum obviously needs.

Good on you actually OP , for looking out for them , You also mention shithole of a house ... can be Depression as (from past experience) you want to just stay in your bed, or ignore it and hope it goes away.

Leesa65 · 26/08/2018 12:04

That is correct . They will never inform who told them of their concerns. Don't worry you are doing the right thing here.

Original poster

Changedforpost · 26/08/2018 12:23

I help alot or try to help make the house better for her as I know it can be an uphill struggle . Have 3 myself youngest I am.actually a full time carer for. I often send paint furniture ornaments bedding etc over to try and help. Only so much I can do though. I think your right it's sometimes just a little help people need not judgement or anything.

OP posts:

StarUtopia · 26/08/2018 12:31

I would ask her directly . She's your friend???!! Just tell her the kids are dirty - has she not realised etc.

I don't think it's much help take things round if you don't actually show her what you mean. My MIL was like this with SIL - just kept going round tidying and cleaning for her. You need to be direct with things like this. I would just simply say, you do realise someone is going to report you to SS..see how she reacts!

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