Advice

[Vada13]

I’ve been considering an idea for a while and have now decided to commit to it -unsure how to go about it though . Atm I’m seriously struggling with life and my past . When I was a child I was sexually abused on a daily basis by the neighbours . This has fucked my life up I destroy every friendship and relationship I’ve ever had , I can’t stand letting people be close to me I selfharm and am generally a hideous evil person . I’m can’t ignore the impact anymore and am waiting for counselling . But I want to meet them the people who abused me I would like nothing more then to ask them why ? I don’t know how to go about this

I’d personally wait to speak to a counsellor and discuss this with them. IMO you’d be unlikely to get the answers you might be looking for, so it’s probably a decision that needs to be made with expert guidance. Good luck with the therapy x

I don't think for one moment you are a hideous evil person.

You are someone who has suffered in the most unimaginable way and you just need some help to see you through this dark time.

I hope the therapy helps you and I am very sorry to hear what you have been through

Op you know that it's never too late to go to the police over this, and you will be able to get your answers in a safer controlled way (the police will ask them why they did it)

I'd be afraid for your mental and physical safety if you confronted these people, and if they thought there was a possibility that you might expose them would they harm you out of anger?

Op if you want answers please do it safely by going to the police and then you have the police to protect you

OP i would wait until counselling, and having worked in the field, restorative justice really isn't recommended for sexual offences. It's unlikely you will get answers that will give you closure and even if they are honest (unlikely) it is likely to make you feel worse. What would you hope to achieve from that conversation? If it's too get across how much they affected you, consider a letter instead. General motivations for sexual offending against a child are, sexual gratification resulting from a position of control over a person who is vulnerable, or seen as innocent , sometimes it's not about sex at all it's simply about power, sometimes it's as a result of abuse suffered in their own childhood giving warped views of appropriate sexual behaviour, ie it normalises what happened to them if it happens to others, it can also sometimes come from adults with serious learning difficulties as they genuinely relate to younger people eg a 19 year old with the developmental age of a preteen, there could be a whole host of other complex psychological motivations too. I'll come back to what you hope to hear from them that will make things different for you?

Also there is no pressure to report anything, this is just about your recovery

Confronting never goes the way you want it to. They've spent years covering up what they did, and they're not going to suddenly admit to it or apologise just because their victim asks them to.

I hope your counselling goes well. Its hard work, but there is a better life on the other side of it all.