To be upset that dp left me waiting again ?

[Tinkerbellx]

I know this is probably petty in the grand scheme but would really appreciate your thoughts as to AIBU ?
So I've been worth dp 18 months .
He's 43 no dc .
I'm 47 with 4 dc so I guess I have to be well organised .
So last night we were meant to be going to see his parents who live 250 miles away .... currently going every weekend as his dm has been poorly .
So he had a work meeting at 2 and I had one at 2.30 ( and we're both on annual leave ! )
Because I know him and that he just cba to drive all the way BH Fri pm ( who can blame him ) I had a gut feeling he'd change plans and go today instead . However as per usual I had my things packed and for all he knew could have been waiting at the door all evening for him to turn up or call to say he's on his way .
Once again I was left to assume something had come up at work .
It's just made me really naffed. off this time because I rarely get free time without my dc and if he'd bothered to call me and let me know he was stuck at the office and we'd go today instead I I really would have made a lot better use of my free evening . Time is seriously precious to us mums .
Yes I could have called him but he was I assumed working and tbh because I was naffed off I was leaving it to see how late he left it before bothering to call .
I've asked him before to please communicate with me re plans .
Seem to waiting around a bit too much but does that make me needy ?
We've never argued, I guess still overlooking each other's flaws a bit I guess .
I don't want to upset him with his dm being so poorly and now his beloved pet is dying too !
But ... AIBU to have expected a call to say we're not going this evening .

YANBU and I’d be fuming had I been left hanging round. He should have called you. I hope you tell him this.

So he just didn't contact you all of last night? That's not on, I thought you were going to say he was a bit late! That's really rude, is be telling him to go on his own

No YANBU. I wouldnt fancy going out with someone who was so thoughtless.

If you genuinely think it is worry over his mum which is causing him to behave like this then maybe give him another chance but if it is thoughtlessness then I would run a mile if he's not thinking of you now he won't be thinking of you in years to come. Either way I think you have to say something to him.

When did he get in touch?

When did he get in touch with you in the end?

Did you call him at all or was you just waiting?

Is he normally so thoughtless and inconsiderate?
If so, you might be better off being on your own.

I got a call at 8pm and sent it to voice mail . Probably childish but I did .

He did text then several times and I just told him I wasn't in the mood to talk this evening because I really wasn't .
Opened a bottle of wine and watched some crap TV .
I've never been so blunt with him so won't do him any harm .
He's not always like this but he has just left things hanging before and I think he genuinely thinks everyone moves at his relaxed pace .

I don't really understand why you say waiting. I would have called by 5pm and asked if he's coming.

Being worried about his mum is no excuse for being selfish and inconsiderate , he's really showing you that you just aren't important enough to him to bother letting you know what his plans are . It's as if he's allowing you to just tag along and not be part of the actual process.

It doesn't even sound as if the trip would have been much fun for you if it was to see his ill DM. He should discuss plans with you otherwise I would leave him to do trips like this himself in future so that you can plan something nice for yourself and stick to it. He sounds extremely selfish and immature or just completely lacking in empathy.

One of my DCs is like this and it drives me insane but I would expect better from an adult.

I quite understand as my ex did this to me and in the end it made me so mad!!! It creeps up on you. You can't decide when to ask, whether to ask, they don't let you know because they don't think its important. AND it IS!!! He is selfish. You do end up waiting. It isn't that you are needy, you are being to pliable. Don't be so easy, have your own plans sometimes. Don't be so available. He may not like it but you might find out more of what he is really like.....

Selfish and you are right to call him on it. You may need to educate him a bit more on how precious your time is, given your different circumstances.

He does'nt care enough about you to respect you OP.
Dont be a doormat, just tell him to fuck off. Hes not really a decent partner is he?

I bought my friend this book sounds perfect for your situation. She has mentioned a few things from it about it saying you need to not be so available not because you are proving a point but because you are busy, popular, successful.......

Did you arrange a specific time to leave? You said he called at 8pm...I presume that was to tell you of the change of plan.

My boyfriend used to do this, bloody rude and totally disrespectful. He honestly couldn’t see the problem at the time, tbh he had been single for a while and I think wasn’t used to making consideration for someone else in his plans. It took a while and a few rows but eventually he saw my point and has been much better since.

So you don't live together? But you had made plans to travel to his parents for the weekend? That's incredibly fucking rude of him.

Why are you going with him him every weekend? Do you take your DC? Doesn't sound like much fun for them either way.

I would just block him and move on. Life is too short to tolerate this kind of shit.

This seems evidence of a wider personality flaw. I wouldn't be bother. Imagine how pleased his first wife must feel to be free of being treated like a chump.