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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend and her DH dropped out of going to a show, passed tickets to a couple we don’t know

63 replies

TheSconeOfStone · 24/08/2018 21:40

An old friend of mine suggested going to a comedy show with our DHs. Tickets bought early in the year. She bought them I transferred the cash. Show is soon so I mentioned I was looking forward to it. She sheepishly mentioned they have since been invited to a wedding and have sold their tickets. It’s OK though because they’re a really great couple and we’ll get on with them.

I have recently lost a parent and I’m exhausted and probably a bit depressed. I don’t want to be stuck with friends of friends I don’t know. AIBU to have preferred her to actually tell us about the wedding when she was invited and given us the opportunity to sell her tickets people we already know?

OP posts:
Mrsmadevans · 24/08/2018 22:08

You are not giving them a lift OP? Surely not? That WOULD be CF on her part.
I am so sorry you have lost your parent my dear Flowers.

justchangingagain · 24/08/2018 22:08

Perhaps the other couple aren't that fuzzed about being social with you and would happily just go to the show.

I would just treat it as just you and DH going alone.

MangoBiscuit · 24/08/2018 22:08

Yanbu.

It's not "never learning", it's never giving up hope. Manage your expectations, and draw your line in the sand, for sure. But don't take this on you, your friend did wrong, not you. Sorry for your loss. Flowers

mumsastudent · 24/08/2018 22:09

Make it a date night for you & your husband - pick your choice of restaurant or pub & really enjoy each others company. !

buckeejit · 24/08/2018 22:09

It's incredibly rude of her to change plans, (understandable though for a wedding possibly), and not tell you immediately, but wait for you to bring it up. Not giving you first refusal on tickets is also shit.

buckeejit · 24/08/2018 22:09

I'd probably sell my tickets & not tell her.

LostMarblesAgain · 24/08/2018 22:16

Go and enjoy a date night with your DP. You're not obliged to entertain or make a night of it with this other couple & I'm sure they're not depending on you for their enjoyment of the night either. A brief hello & friendly smile will go a long way. There shouldn't be pressure on either couple - you're all there for the show, not each other's company. Just be friendly 👍

ThatFridayFeeling · 24/08/2018 22:18

A brief hello and on with your night. It was out of order that she sold the tickets but it is a show, you'll be far too busy watching it to care to make small talk with the people sitting next to you.

CSIblonde · 24/08/2018 22:22

People have patterns of behaviour, their MO if you like. She's shown hers is to let you down "a lot" to use your exact words. I think keep her as peripheral friend in future.

Andylion · 24/08/2018 22:25

Probably fine in the circumstances to say that you'll just meet them at the theatre then and head straight home afterwards

I don't think you need to say anything more than "Hello, you must be X's friends. Nice to meet you." Then focus on the show. You certainly don't need to worry about meeting them beforehand.

Bimgy85 · 24/08/2018 22:25

Jesus Christ.

The appropriate thing she should've done 'I don't think were able to go anymore, do you know anyone that would take our tickets?'

Yanbu. Cf

Everyoneiswingingit · 24/08/2018 22:25

YANBU and sorry for your loss.

I guess she has told the other couple they are going 'with' you. Bit different to just selling their tickets and you go with DH alone?

She doesn't sound like a friend to not even tell you until you asked. I think it sounds very awkward.

category12 · 24/08/2018 22:37

I don't believe for a minute the other couple either want or expect to "go with" the op. They don't know them either - neither couple will want that. That's a non-issue.

It's rude that OP's friend didn't give first refusal to OP or tell her when they decided they couldn't go. The friend is a flake and inconsiderate.

But there's no reason why OP can't enjoy the night anyway with her dh.

MoonFacesMum · 24/08/2018 22:39

Sorry for your loss.

Maybe your friend just mentioned to her friend something along the lines of “I’ve been invited to so-and-so’s wedding but I already had this show booked,” and friend said they would love to see that show and offered to take the tickets off her hands. Then later your friend realised that was not the best thing to have done and that is why she was sheepish when she eventually told you? Perhaps that is a lot of conjecture there, but I think it could be possible that she might have accidentally ended up in this situation.

But you say she has form for letting you down so maybe she’s just really thoughtless.

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/08/2018 22:39

YANBU
Especially at such a sensitive time in your life she should have given you more thought.

Do you know which ticket numbers they have? Get your dh to sit next to them so he can shield you a little. The alternative is not to go or to sell your tickets on. There will be other comedy nights afterall.

I also agree that it isn’t a case of not learning. But rather of wishing to see the best in people and looking for connection. She sounds pretty selfish and self absorbed actually. It doesn’t sound like she gave you a lot of thought when she sold on her tickets with you as a package deal.

ScreamingValenta · 24/08/2018 22:42

Just a thought, but might your friend have been well-intentioned - perhaps she thought you might not want the hassle of reselling the tickets at such a difficult time?

Desmondo2016 · 24/08/2018 22:42

I'm probably missing the point but I love meeting new people so I would embrace it. Bit weird of your friend not to have told you she was doing it when she did it tho

BMW6 · 24/08/2018 22:51

I am a bit confused - why will you be "spending the evening" with these total strangers? If you and DH went to cinema or theater you would be sitting next to total strangers so how is this any different?

FrayedHem · 24/08/2018 22:55

Flowers Sorry for the loss of your parent. It would have been more considerate to give you first refusal and can see why you feel the friend connection makes it feel different to a stranger. I'd maybe just try and focus on that there's always a chance of being seated with someone you know a little - small world and all that. I hope you're still able to enjoy the night out. Has the friend given you your tickets?

BackforGood · 24/08/2018 22:59

I probably would have offered them to you first, but I can't see why it is a problem really as long as it is a theatre / arena type show where you would normally be sitting next to complete strangers anyway. Different I suppose if it is more of an 'all sit round tables, having a meal and a drink' type show.

ChasedByBees · 24/08/2018 23:00

This would really, really annoy me. It was very unreasonable of her to sell them on to someone you don’t know when it was her idea in the first place. I’m sorry for your loss OP. Flowers

toomanychilder · 24/08/2018 23:01

I am a bit confused - why will you be "spending the evening" with these total strangers? If you and DH went to cinema or theater you would be sitting next to total strangers so how is this any different?

didn;t you read the thread?

category12 · 24/08/2018 23:11

People are inventing the OP having to socialise with the other couple. All OP has said is that the friend said they are a great couple who they'd get on with. This was probably just said as a palliative for selling the tickets. There's no reason OP needs to do anything at all with the other couple other than sit near them during the show.

BMW6 · 24/08/2018 23:13

Yes of course I read the thread! But surely op isn't going to be meeting up with these total strangers before or after the show (cos that would be weird), so these people will just be sat next to op and her dh at the theater?

BackforGood · 24/08/2018 23:14

toomany

I've read the thread - the OP hasn't said that the show is any different from a theatre-seat-style performance

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