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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my toddler in taking the piss?! Stay in bed!!

30 replies

MrsHobbs · 24/08/2018 21:24

Help!!

DS is 2.5 and has always been a very ‘spirited’ child who is sometime quite challenging in his behaviour.
We took the side of his cot a few months ago as it was getting to the stage where he could practically climb out. Before this he had always been an excellent sleeper- slept through from 3 months and went straight off to sleep soon as we put him down and self settled. After we took it off, for a good while he played up a little, and wanted “another cuddle”, “another story”, “sit there Mummy”, “water” etc. But it maybe only lasted half an hour and eventually he’d give in and stay in bed and go to sleep.

10 days ago we’ve moved house, and now we’re back to square 1 and then some! Myself or DP read him a story at the same time each night before bed after having a bath etc- he has always had a very structured bed time routine and there’s no change there. He now thinks it’s a game, soon as we stand up, before we’ve even left the room he’s up and running around his room laughing. He repeats this over and over again, we sit there for a while, and then soon as we’re up he’s out of bed. It takes absolute hours, and often both myself and DP going up alternately to eventually get him off. We’re at our wits end and maybe this is karma for our smugness at having such a well sleeping baby until now!

I know we’ve just moved and I’m hoping he’ll settle soon, but he’s not distressed or scared, he loves it here, and it really feels like he’s doing it for a reaction and is deliberately playing up and taking the piss out of us!

Any tips on how to get him to stay in the bed and sleep!? Without losing our minds?!

OP posts:

Rainatnight · 24/08/2018 21:27

Hm, I think I'd put the side back on in your shoes. I know you're saying he loves it in the new house but it will be an upheaval and it sounds like it's making him a bit crazy (I mean that in the nicest, toddler-friendly way). DD's not far off that age, and I'd be inclined to assume she was having some sort of regression and put the side on.

cmlover · 24/08/2018 21:57

indont think putting the sides back up would help at all, and cause more problems.

id just keep putting him back to bed. 1st time say it's bed time. after that nothing else just pick up and put back to bed.

all kids go through a pushing boundries stage and will go again. congratulations on your new house.

Lazypuppy · 24/08/2018 22:03

I'd put a stairgate on his door and leave him to it. He'll go to bed when he's tired enough and realises you're not going up.

gamerchick · 24/08/2018 22:07

Is he still in a cot? Maybe it's time for a big boys bed? New bedding etc?

And a Stargate. I would just leave him too it.

Tobebythesea · 24/08/2018 22:09

My 2.5 year did this when we put her in big girl bed a few months ago. I was recommended the Gro Clock by a few people. For us it worked from day one. We took her back to bed with no eye contact and said “star is out, bed”. Might be worth looking into?

ThisMustBeMyDream · 24/08/2018 22:12

Just been through this. I tried all the usual advice. Nothing worked.
Eventually I just had to sit there until he went to sleep. I lay next to him so he couldn't get up. But ignored him. Some nights it took 10 minutes. Some nights 2 hours. I did it for 5 months, all through the light evenings.
2 weeks ago, I stopped. And every night he has just gone to sleep within 15 minutes. It may help that the nights are finally darker again. But maybe I've managed to break the habit that he was in of getting up continously after I left the room? Maybe he will go back to being a dick again. Who knows?!!

Good luck.

rainingcatsanddog · 24/08/2018 22:12

I stair gated the door and they often ended up falling asleep on the floor. After a few weeks they were better at falling asleep in bed as it was far more comfy

MissLingoss · 24/08/2018 22:12

And a Stargate. I would just leave him too it.

Wonderful autocorrect. A couple of Jaffa appearing in the bedroom would soon sort out the toddler. Kree!

Forevertired1 · 24/08/2018 22:20

*And a Stargate. I would just leave him too it.

Wonderful autocorrect. A couple of Jaffa appearing in the bedroom would soon sort out the toddler. Kree!*

MrsOsM · 24/08/2018 22:20

We moved house about 1 month before DD turned 2, dismantled cot bed for moving and just left the sides off. Before we moved she self settled pretty quick after a story, since the move she's needed someone (always me) to lie beside her after reading her stories or she won't settle.

I've gotten into a bad pattern I can't get out of. Most nights she does settle fairly quick but when she doesn't i find bedtime really stresfull.

She is now 3.5 and we have been here almost 2 years. I'm sorry I have nothing helpful to say other than don't get Into the habit of staying in there until DS is asleep. We also got a gro clock and it didn't work for us.

Phillipa12 · 24/08/2018 22:22

Stairgate the door and stick to your routine, do not give him a reaction, even if thats only sitting back down, the novelty of testing his boundaries will soon wear off!

Fatted · 24/08/2018 22:24

Another vote for close the stair gate and leave him alone. As soon as he doesn't get any attention for it, he will stop

Lonecatwithkitten · 24/08/2018 22:36

Bribery- work for 14 stars on the chart for staying in bed after Mummy has gone downstairs and you win the ELC kitchen. After 14 days the pattern was set. I had tried rapid return etc prior to bribery
However, on early rising I can offer no good tips it was a truly awful 4 years till she became a preteen who I could no longer get up.

Original poster

MrsHobbs · 24/08/2018 22:40

Thank you! We have a stair gate at the top of the stairs but I wouldn’t just go downstairs as is (for fear he’d be in my drawers in my bedroom or pissing about with the taps and the toothpaste in the bathroom!). I’ve auggested to DP we put a stair gate on his bedroom before, but he said he feels it’s like locking him in his bedroom. I’ve disagreed and now after a few of you have said the same I think i’ll deffo give it a go!

OP posts:

babbscrabbs · 24/08/2018 22:50

This makes me feel sad reading all the suggestions about locking him in his room while you ignore him, he's only 2 and moving house is something he can't possibly understand rationally. He's probably confused and scared and looking for reassurance after a huge upheaval even if he does appear to love the house. He's only little, just lie with him for a bit. You were lucky enough to have a baby that slept through from 3 months, so maybe yes, this is your time to step up. I know it's a pain but it's not forever. This age is also notorious for being tricky at bedtime especially if they still nap.

Having said that I would not swap between you as that makes it more exciting/ stimulating. Don't get visibly annoyed. Just be boring and neutral and lie next to his bed or something. Google 'disappearing chair'.

babbscrabbs · 24/08/2018 22:51

Swap between you on the same night - obviously not suggesting one person does it all the time every night! Take turns.

cuckoocuckoos · 24/08/2018 22:55

Yep, I'd be putting a stair gate on his bedroom door and ignoring him. If he isn't getting attention I think he will probably get bored and go to sleep quicker.

Teabay · 24/08/2018 23:00

Really? He doesn't sound sad that he's being 'ignored' (he's not by the way, you're teaching him vital independent skills of self soothing which he'll need and use all of his adult life), he sounds like a lively little monkey who is enjoying his new bedtime freedom!
FGS - stick the Stargate (!) on his doorway and go downstairs for some grown up time with your OH before you both go mental.
He's a child who needs to be in bed.
Alone.
End of.

Original poster

MrsHobbs · 24/08/2018 23:09

babbscrabbs he’s definitely not being ignored. We’ve been sitting there/lying next to his bed, standing outside his bedroom, singing to him, cuddling him, stroking his face, reassuring him etc every single night. More than willing to ‘step up’, but my child (like many others I imagine!) is the kind of child that if you give an inch he takes a mile and none of that is working- only encouraging him to work harder for bigger reactions! It also is taking hours and we currently have no piece or time to ourselves whatsoever.

He does still have the cot, we’re getting him a big boy bed soon, but not convinced it will work!

OP posts:

Minimonkeysmum · 24/08/2018 23:10

Is he still napping? Dd took a while to go to sleep (could be a couple of hours), until we dropped her nap. As painful as it is in some ways, it sorted bedtime out brilliantly - she was so tired she settled immediately.

Maybe worth thinking about? We initially dropped them on childcare days (so she napped on my day off and at weekends) & then dropped all together.

Original poster

MrsHobbs · 24/08/2018 23:12

*peace- think I’m losing vital brain cells with this

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsHobbs · 24/08/2018 23:16

mini he’s the same with naptime. Refusing to nap now too! Unless he falls asleep in the car or maybe sometimes if he happens to be in his pram. He definitely still needs one though. A few times he hasn’t had one all day and then at 5pm he’s falling asleep on me and is really hard to keep awake! Even on the days he’s not napped at all though and is extremely tired he’s still a nightmare at bedtime- he’s the most stubborn person I’ve ever met in my life haha!

OP posts:

babbscrabbs · 24/08/2018 23:26

I know it's hard, I've done a form of it most nights for about 4 years between two kids, one of whom also woke hourly his first year. It's been just 10 days since you moved though, he's going to be a bit unsettled.

I'm not saying you are ignoring him, you sound responsive, I'm saying that about the posters who are suggesting putting a Stargate a/ stairgate on his door and just going downstairs. Personally I couldn't / wouldn't do that.

And self soothing can't be taught.

JayDot500 · 24/08/2018 23:31

Yeah, I've just chosen not to even try all of this with my 2.5 year old. He takes ages to settle his brain for sleep (alert from birth). My family always have some reason why I should try to leave him at night but I work full time and I haven't got time for that, I prefer he slept since I have to wake him at 7.

I do what Thismustbemydream does: lay with him and ignore. I have to have white noise or the fan on too, it helps him settle. If he hasn't napped he might sleep in 20mins. Otherwise it's always 1-2 hours. I agree with minimonkey, when I am home I try to forego the nap (especially if we have to be up early the next day). My son doesn't get cranky so it's actually fine.

Caterina99 · 25/08/2018 07:24

If he previously self settled then he’s just testing the boundaries and pushing his luck. So exciting for him that he can run around and you keep coming back to see him. I’d definitely put a gate on his door and leave him to it. The novelty will wear off soon

Also yes what PP said, my 3yr old DS was a great sleeper but once he started to drop his nap, bedtime became difficult. The transition probably took about 6 months in total from 2.5 -3, as he needed the nap, but also didn’t need it. Now he’s settled on no nap he goes to bed very quickly and easily

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