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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and packing

25 replies

Holymosquito · 24/08/2018 19:48

AIBU to say that DH should pack for the DCs if he wants to go away?

I am a SAHM and DH works full time. Packing for the DCs is normally my job. Today however The DCs (2&4) and I have just got back from a week away. I have been trying to combine a research trip for a creative project I am doing (unpaid at the moment) with 24/7 child care. Today we have had a 5 hour drive (M25 and heavy traffic) coming home.

DH couldn’t come due to work commitments. He is jealous of our trip which has also included taking DCs to the beach etc. I am knackered however and he wants to leave at the crack of dawn to go and stay with the inlaws ( 2.5 hours away) for the long weekend. I get on fine with inlaws and am normally happy to visit but I’m knackered and we only saw them 2 weeks ago and they are coming up to see us next week anyway.

I have just unpacked from our trip and am doing laundry etc. I would like to have time to go through some of the work I did on the trip as I had precious little time to actually consolidate my research whilst away. I think if he wants to go he should pack for the trip. I can’t be arsed? Who ISBU?

OP posts:
Oldraver · 24/08/2018 19:51

Yes I think I would tell him that if he wants to go away, he packs and takes the children.

gamerchick · 24/08/2018 19:52

Tell him to take the kids and you'll stay home to chill. Sounds more like heaven and he gets quality time.

Parisproperty · 24/08/2018 19:53

He should take the kids and you stay at home to get your work done.
You do the packing so he can get ready and they can leave as early as possible. As a favour to him of course.

Parisproperty · 24/08/2018 19:54

Hmm. We are all on the same page here.Grin

RedPill · 24/08/2018 19:55

I don't think he should pack JUST because he is the one that wants to go away, he should pack because they are his children!

Put the kettle on, fine a quite space to do your work and leave him to it

Singlenotsingle · 24/08/2018 19:55

His responsibility. You hop off to bed and get some rest.

NapQueen · 24/08/2018 19:57

He can do the trip. And the pprep you stay behind.

Original poster
Holymosquito · 24/08/2018 20:24

thanks - I’m glad it’s not just me who thinks that taking a potty training toddler and a 4 year old on a self-catering research trip away is not rest-cure. DH’s latest excuse is he doesn’t know what they need... so have presented him with a pile the size of a double bed and left him to get on to it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Holymosquito · 25/08/2018 12:32

So I left him to it and here is the result. Seems he just scooped up the entire clean washing pile and shoved it in. DD presumably has a weeks worth of clean clothes with us (for two nights). No idea if she actually has pjs, under wear or granny freindly outfits? Also, did he specially stir those things together to wind me up?

Still he was done and dusted and watching TV within 5 minutes and now doesn’t understand why it takes me so long to pack. And as his reluctance to pack in the first place is because I will complain that he’s not done it right... how can I come back on this? If I tell him hes done it wrong then he is proved right? If I let him think this is acceptable packing then he might just do this in future?

DH and packing
OP posts:
BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 25/08/2018 12:35

Conscious Incompetence.
Don't redo it.
Let him carry on, take the kids and you stay home and finish your work

cheesydoesit · 25/08/2018 12:36

He sounds pathetic, sorry. Don't repack. Just leave it as it is and see how it plays out. You should stay at home and relax as PP suggested though.

theredjellybean · 25/08/2018 12:40

he has done that so you tut and tell him off as clearly ' he cant do anything right' and you will then pull it all out and do it 'properly' why he is watching tv...
stop being a martyr, ignore his efforts , wave him and kids off and fgs stop worrying ..if child has no pjs then daddy will have to sort it out tonight wont he, if child has not got granny appropriate outfits and you get come back from her you smile sweetly and say ' i suggest you discuss that with your son, he packed for his children'

Thingsdogetbetter · 25/08/2018 12:40

I would let him get on with it. Don't jump in to 'fix' it as he's doing deliberate incompetence so you'll never make him do it again.

When you get there don't criticise but just keep asking for things, and send him to the shop to get all the stuff he forgot. Get the in-laws to laugh at him and keep saying "surely you packed xyz?". The more inconvenient you make it for him the less likely he'll mess it up next time.

PositivelyPERF · 25/08/2018 12:43

Don’t you dare repack those clothes, OP! The fly git knows how to pack clothes, but knows if he fucks it up, you will do it. I bet he complains if something comes out of his own suitcase wrinkled, so he knows bloody rightly how to pack. I assume, from your post, that you usually pack his add too. Just stop it! He’s not a bloody child and you’re not his mother.

tenterden · 25/08/2018 12:44

I am surprised you are going at all tbh. I would have stayed home and got on with my research Grin

Original poster
Holymosquito · 25/08/2018 12:44

Ooh thats a good idea. I brought a secret supply of pull ups for DS. Think I’ll just go and out them somewhere for safe keeping!

OP posts:
PickAChew · 25/08/2018 12:44

Ask him if he found the pyjamas and toothbrushes (you didn't mention them but I et he didn't think about it) then get on with your own stuff.

LakieLady · 25/08/2018 12:45

A colleague of mine was once tasked with packing for his 3 sons, for a 2-week camping trip in France. He packed them one pair of clean pants and 2 t-shirts each.

He doesn't understand why his wife was pissed off, as he washed out their dirty pants and t-shirts every morning in the sink in the shower block.

When you get back, do let us know what essential items were missing!

Original poster
Holymosquito · 25/08/2018 12:46

No I don’t ever pack for him. He is —mostly— a grown up.

OP posts:
PositivelyPERF · 25/08/2018 12:49

Then you know that he’s taking the piss, OP, because if he packs for himself, then he can pack for them. Just watch. He’ll suddenly start packing properly, just before he’s due to leave, if you don’t do it. I expect you’ll get mutterings under his breath. Just sit with a coffee and relax. 😁

Jeezoh · 25/08/2018 12:52

Yep, I’d totally call his bluff and take what’s he packed as it is. I’d also not iron anything that’s creased by his packing and let him sort out the buying of anything essential he’s forgotten.

Doingreat · 25/08/2018 13:33

That picture of your oh attempt at 'packing' made me wheeze with laughter. He's packed all right!!!

Op let him go away with them while you stay and catch up on work. You must be raring to get on with your project. Why can't he take them on his own if he thinks it must be so relaxing to be away with the kids on your own?

BunnyCarr · 25/08/2018 14:17

Incompetent men are a depressing breed.
Leave the useless twat to it.

Original poster
Holymosquito · 26/08/2018 21:32

karma has come home to roost. DH got the message at last night when he realised he’d not packed nappies for DS. He had to head out first thing this morning and walk into town in the pissing rain to buy more (thanking his lucky stars DS didn’t need a night time change...).

Didn’t think I would tell him that i had a secret supply in my bag unless I absolutely had to!

OP posts:
Doingreat · 26/08/2018 22:57

Oh op. You can't see me but I'm rubbing my hands in glee at your update. Lolz at the hidden stash of nappies!!

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