To think my husband is a dick

[Metoodear]

A few months back I had a pt job offer 25k per rota it was my dream job but it would of ment dh helping me picking up the Children drop off would of been fine

The rows the stink that was kicked up so I declined the offer as not to drip feed it would of ment we would of been really well off tbh

So a week after dh come home and announces good news eveyone my boss is allowing me to work 6-3
Shame I could of got the kids from school never mind
i have to say we nearly broke up over this he really upset me

Fast forward 3 months ago I have taken a job school hours shit pay

Dd3 gets 15 hours free because she is adopted so I pay for an extra 13 hours a week but the job came just in time for the holidays during the summer I have dd1 and dd2 at the childminders I told dh before I took this job I would earn £0 until my 30 hours free kicked in in September last month my childcare was 600ish I earned 700 this month 500 earned 800ish

We also went on holiday for a week but still had to pay the minder the holiday was booked before I got the job next year we will take our holiday when she takes hers

But he’s outraged we have to pay for that week saying it’s myfault for not giving notice trying to fucking explain this is not how child care works

People in nurseys have to pay for bank holidays for example

He’s going on and on about my low wage and telling me I should resign saying we can never afford to go on holiday and outraged we paid nearly a grand a summers child care i want to say we’re you fucking listening to me when I was tellling you about the coasts you shouldn’t have been such a cunt about the first job and if you actually helped me we would of been in a much better position to afford it and lastly welcome to how much childcare costs dickhead and no I am not leaving my job because in September the 3rd our childcare drops to £0 because we will get 30 hours free

But as usual I sat said nothing and may just resign for a simple life

YANBU he certainly sounds like a dick of the highest order!!

FYI I hate going on holiday so am internally happy about that statement

I think you should tell him exactly that. And end your speech with You Knobber.

Tell him. Don't be passive aggressive it's bad for your health

He doesn’t want you to work, that’s it.

Is he controlling in other ways?

Jeez he's a selfish dick

All he seems to care about is how it affects him

Why is he not cotributing to the child care? I work luckly term time but still need before school childcare DH pays it as he's the one who can claim child care vouchers from work.

He’s mentioned putting dd1 in a Nursey

Tried to explain to him
A- nurseys are even more money
B- the hat the fuck should I do with the school age dd2 when dd1 is at Nursey in the holidays
C- and most decent nurseys you can’t just rock up and expect to start the next day they have waiting lists

Our money just goes into one account but we worked out my wage pretty much would cover the childcare until September

Why don't you divorce him Metoo from your posts - ones even previous to this sound utterly chaotic with this man.

Sorry but you are unreasonable to expect him to start work at 6am regularly so he can pick the children up. It is also not unreasonable to think there is no point in working if it doesn't add income but does reduce the time available to do household jobs. It also sounds as though at the time of the first job offer that DH wasn't confident that his flexible hours request would be permitted (many offices are physically locked at 6am so it was hardly a normal request.

But as usual I sat said nothing and may just resign for a simple life

How is being miserable and having no money a simple life? Sounds like you would be better off without him.

it would of ment dh helping me picking up the Children drop off would of been fine

It's not helping you, it's as much his job as yours.

This is a lovely atmosphere for dc, esp one who has been adopted and probably needs security and extra attention

You've got to atand up.for yourself. You have 3 daughters who are watching you and your relationship. Do you want this for them?

user139328237

Please read the post

I didn’t ask him to pick up the kids I told him he would have to help he said no I told them I couldn’t take the job

Only then he informs me of the good ducking news

Also I did inform him before I took this low wage job we wouldn’t start earning until after the summer I dare say most people’s childcare doubles over the summer if they have more than one child

Missingstreetlife

This is a lovely atmosphere for dc, esp one who has been adopted and probably needs security and extra attention
dont you dare please don’t tell me what my children need I very much doubt you have any idea about adoption and guess what even people who have adopted have arguments

user139328237

Sorry but you are unreasonable to expect him to start work at 6am regularly so he can pick the children up

If that is possible for him and would have meant she could do her dream job and earn an excellent salary then why is that unreasonable? People make sacrifices for their families. The kids are his too!!

Thanks for the reply’s won’t be coming back for anymore advice as it turns out if you have adopted children you can’t have arguments and your husband can never be a dick

Why does he behave like a dick - all the time, not just this time? because you enable him to. You allow him to tell you which job you should and shouldn't take. you allow him to pick arguments about stuff which he has no knowledge of at all.

Is the first job gone for ever or could you reapply?

Write down the things that you have said above and anything else that he has done that has been dick like. sit down with him tonight and lay it out for him. you need to start taking control of this situation not shrinking further and further back from it. this is your life, your only shot at it, and you don't deserve to be so unhappy.

stop settling and start to take control. Lots of people on here and other boards will help you to do this but it starts with you.

He should have helped you and seen also that it would have been in both your interests. I’d be making sure I told him that just even for the sake of getting it off your chest. I’d be also adding that he can’t have it both ways and moan about you not having a low wage when he didn’t do his bit for his family (not just you.) and do his duty to help out. If you are lucky enough. Don’t give up your job- you could just as easily be moaning at him for having a job that doesn’t allow you to work as easily as you need to. Cheeky sod.

I know about adoption and I agree with Missing.

I'm voting for Dick of Trumpian Proportions.

Wow op your husband has managed to piss me off. He needs to learn to get his shit together and start listening properly at the conversations your having with him. Seems like he isn't listening until it affects him and then blows up.

So sorry op he is a fuck wit

I didn't make any point about your adopted or bio kids I merely suggested that you might find yourself in a better position to cope with life if you didn't have him constantly reducing your expectations of him as a husband. Please point out where I made a pointed attack or comment about you or anyone not being allowed to have arguments if you have adopted children. Because if so I give my full permission to MN to delete my account as that is patently against the ethos of this site and indeed anyone who isn't a total dick.