to think they don't warn you about teens

[cmlover]

this is some what light hearted.

when trying for a baby or when your pregnant you hear loads on how tough babies and toddlers can be, loadsif advise etc but no one warms you about teen hood. how hard and scary it can be?

iv got 2 ds.. 9 and 12. up untill now it's been ok, hard at times but nothing I couldn't handle but now my 12 year old is hitting puberty and there's eye rolls and pure grumpyness.

i wasn't ready for teens. I'm scared to give him freedom after seeing how other his age act in little gangs, he's becoming his own person and I'm struggling with my anxity and scared that he's going to get into the wrong crowd and mess up his furture.

my biggest problem with him is how he speaks to his little brother who's 9. there's just so much anger there but he will protect and stand up for him at times.

how do you handles teens? it's only going to get worse isn't it?

Just keep on loving them and guiding them.

It's like all stages of having kids, you have to adapt to the new stage. I'm loving being g able to watch the more grown up stuff with him (films and box sets), we swap books, we can have a good old giggle about stuff I had no idea he understood, and all that new stuff that comes with being more grown up.

I also true to tell him how much I get that being a teenager isn't easy, that hormones and all those new neurons firing up make emotions more heightened and your body changes, and needing more sleep and stuff is out of his control, but I try to teach him how to manage those emotions, to talk to me. And I have to accept some eye rolling and and the likes as part of having a teenager in the house. I have a bare minimum level of respect rule too: he must demonstrate respect and civility to us and his siblings even when he hates us (!)

It's been my favourite stage, but I think dc just keep getting better and better, never understand the harking back to toddlerhood mentality.

I actually think there is a lot of "warning" about teens - our society seems deeply suspicious of them and there are a lot of negative messages. They're either roaming city centres in feral packs or stuck indoors on screens. Exams are getting easier, snowflake generation, blah blah.

Teenagers are great - you can have proper talks with them, they can show you stuff, they can be amazingly brave and kind and loyal and creative. Don't write off the next seven years as just being about "moods" and danger.

(Also, maybe no one "warns you" bc the assumption is you can remember being a teenager yourself. You can't really understand a baby or a toddler, but you sure as hell ought tobe able to empathise with a 14 year old)

And YABU anyway, it's pretty standard for people who should know better piping up "ooh just wait till they're teenagers, then you'll know all about it" and similar crapola.

twogin. iv spoken to him about how hormones make things hard etc, and he is very open with me, still has to have daily hugs and kiss goodnight. wouldn't dream of swearing at me. he's a good kid at heart if I could just crack how he speaks to his brother.

I have to admit this is the hardest stage so far for me, I think maybe because incant controll other factors no more it's makimg my anxity play up , something I need to work on I think.

Try to embrace it. There are loads of positives ... You can go out more, you can make them give you lifts (after 17!). I love my son having his mates round - they are funny, entertaining and thoroughly lovely.

domt get me wrong... I do enjoy him as a person to. he's funny smart and kind. and I do enjoy our conversations to.

Teens are great. Yes there are tough times, but they are no longer dependent wailing little balls of snot, but can have a real conversation (when not in grunt mode), and at the end of the teen years you find yourself with these great big real people that you have made :)

Mine were uncommunicative, hormonal and stroppy at times (and one was frankly vile for a few years) but we just weathered it and at the end I found myself with four fabulous adults.

Having said that, my wine consumption increased and my hair went grey during those years..

Just pick your battles, and don't sweat the small stuff (grumpiness, bedrooms like a pig sty etc) and make sure they know you still love them no matter what :)

Someone on here recommended a really good book called Get out of my life - but first take me and Alex into town. It has really given me confidence with how I deal with the dc.

I mean, you were once a teen and you hung around with teens. It probably wasn’t all that long ago either unless you had your children in your forties or fifties. Sure, times change but hormones always stay the same.