Table manners!

[birthdaygirls]

When we eat at PIL’s with SIL’s children there, MIL and FIL tell me “it doesn’t matter” when I remind my girls about table manners. They don’t do this when sil and children aren’t there! SIL’s children have never been taught table manners (her boy spits on communal food he wants so others won’t take it ☹️) but I don’t say anything to them, just remind my girls not up talk with their mouth full etc.

Today one of my girls said she would spit on the biscuit she wanted next from a shared plate. ☹️ I explained. I shouldn’t have to.

AIBU to not eat at PILs any more or do I (have the right to) tell the PILs not to undermine me in their home?

I also dislike poor table manners but spitting on food is more than ooor table manners, it's worse than an animal.

You're not being unreasonable. Why anyone would go out their way to actively undo good table manners is beyond me.

'her boy spits on communal food he wants so others won’t take it '

Dear god. Does that actually get tolerated by his parents?

Have you pointed out to your children that he is a disgusting little boy. He may get his pick of biscuits but with manners like that he's never going to have a wife/husband and us really going to struggle to hace a career or make friends.

Yuck! I'd do both, don't eat there, don't make excuses and if they undermine you about anything don't let them away with it

This is one of those times I would actually step in and say something directly to the child. That is vile behaviour and if it's being tolerated by the parents then it's shit parenting full stop.

That's revolting. I wouldn't take my children there for a meal if the ill mannered cousins were there and I'd tell PiLs why.

And actually, why aren't you saying something to the child?

"Barry do not spit on the food" firmly should do it, if pil say anything just get up and leave the table, and say "Fine, your house your rules but I am not sitting here watching it and I'm sure as shit not letting my kids watch it and have you tell them it's ok because its vile and you are doing him no favours". I wouldn't tolerate it from a toddler, what age is he?

Spitting on food so no one else takes goes well beyond bad table manners. How old is this child?

In general I think your PILs are BU. This is the kind of thing that can be sorted by saying “Different families have different rules”.

Does that actually get tolerated by his parents? Parent, SIL is a single mum. It’s just ignored.

I wouldn't be able to help myself either

"DN stop being so disgusting"

If his mother pulls you up on it, reply that you wouldn't have to tell him if she did

Well I've come across some foul behaviour and lazy, pathetic parenting in my time but that is really quite something. No way I would be around this child or his mum if I could help it

Have you pointed out to your children that he is a disgusting little boy. Yes, I have said it before and said it again. A bit more kindly than that though!

I haven’t said anything because I haven’t seen it directly, my girls told me and I of course told them what I thought.

Dnephew is 7.

Different families have different rules indeed!

The children used to eat in the kitchen together and adults in the dining room until I stepped in because I could hear some of what was going on (food fights). If we are there on our own, we all eat in the dining room but SIL’s children never do becauseUL says they are too messy. I now eat in the kitchen! SIL’s children are better behaved with me there but the PILs undermine anything I say.

If I said something directly to one of SIL’s children I am doubly sure I will be undermined. I think it’s best just not to stay for mealtimes any longer. Well, until my girls are old enough to not be influenced!