AIBU to ask our neighbour if we can adopt their cat?

[pepperknit]

We've lived next to our neighbours for several years and are on friendly terms with them. They have an elderly cat who they keep outside. They used to call it inside at night, but this summer the cat was kept out the house (they put the food outside the door). Apparently this was due to them not being able to get rid of fleas. The cat has always been quite skittish and scruffy looking and just wants to sleep all day, curled up in flowerpot by the house. In the last year a couple of other cats have been coming into our gardens day and night and fighting the cat, it now has scars on ears and face.
Over the summer we've had our back door open and the cat has slowly grown more friendly and comes in to sleep in our conservatory. It now runs to us whenever we are around and comes into our house and accepts lots of petting and love. But it's getting colder and I don't want to shut my door and leave the cat outside all day. I've spoken to the neighbours and let them know of the cat's friendliness and sleeping in our conservatory. They say they don't mind at all and when I mentioned winter they said they will be bringing the cat in at night when it gets colder. Neighbour has joked that they'd get rid of the cat but their child doesn't want to. They pay hardly any attention to the cat apart from feeding it.

Basically I want to adopt the cat and let it stay inside my house day and night as it clearly wants to do. Would I be unreasonable to just straight out ask if we can adopt the cat?

You can offer nicely, tact and diplomacy paramount but you could try and see what happens.

Not at all. I would invest in some flea stuff and ask them ASAP before the weather turns shit.

If you say their child can visit the cat then I think they will say yes. Take the poor kitty to the vet. The fleas will be easily managed.

Also get pet insurance!

People can be very heartless. I hope you can rescue him.

I'm pretty sure the cat no longer has fleas (we'd know if it did, right?) it had a flea collar on for a while before it fell off. And the child might be happy to visit, they come over to play with my child in the holidays.

I would really like to take the kitty to the vet and check fully checked, that'll be one of the first things we'd do.
What I need to figure out is how to ask without accidentally saying "I don't think you take good care of your cat, can I have it?"

You could just say you have fallen in love with their little kitty. He is spending more and more time in your house and you wondered if they would allow you to make it official. You know he is getting older and you will be happy to become it’s owner and take full responsibility for all care _ including any vets bills, if you are clear what you are offering it will rule out any misunderstanding

That's a great way to word it Dollymixture, thank you.

My cat adopted my neighbours but they were a bit naughty and had been feeding him. At the end of the day he chose where to live and when I moved house we made it official by changing his registration details.

It was the best thing for the cat but tbh my kids still havent forgiven me.

When young I had a cat who I loved very much.
Other members of my extended family adopted cats and kittens into the same house.
My cat didn't care for the competition, spent more time outdoors, came home less and less.
Eventually neighbours four doors down knocked on door, they'd been feeding cat, which had more or less moved to theirs, and they were sorry if they'd enticed my cat away.
My reply was, cat has made her decision. Cats own us , not us them.( Although, writing this, still sad about it).

Point of story? If your neighbours have any sense, they bow to the cats decision. Especially as they will be relieved. Inviting child to visit cat sounds like they get best of all worlds, and could present it to child as cat's decision, not them getting rid of cat.

it's great to hear stories of successful cat ownership switching. Makes me feel less like a CF

This happened when I was born. My Mum had two cats and the cats just couldn't cope with a new baby and they spent more and more time with our neighbour. He came to my Mum and asked if he could adopt the cats, she adored them but also realised that it was better for the cats so she said yes. It worked out well, she got to see them still but the cats were also very happy and we had a very good relationship with our neighbour which lasted 25 years until he passed.

These things can work but I would definitely word it tactfully.

I'd ask them. Or even offer to buy it. They might refuse, of course (because their precious kid wants a cat but doesn't actually care for it, neither they do but hey - whenever the child is involved, it is everything)

I was in a similar situation: neighbour's cat defected and came to live with me. I didn't feed it to steal if from the owner, but gave the puss some water. I got so attached to the cat (she would wait for me to come from work outside my window/on the doorstep) and I was seriously heartbroken when the neighbour (who became a friend) was moving a few streets away. I offered to buy a cat but she loved it too. We agreed I'll take it to mine for the weekends. I looked after this cat and her sister when the friend went away, and she looked after my own kitten.

People might not want to part with their pet, and I feel for you and this cat. Hope you'll be able to have this one.

AND this cat escaped the next day after the move and came to me!

Sometimes a cat in multiple-cat household will want a home of her own and undivided attention, I think this is what happened in my situation. We now have 2 indoor cats and I suspect if I let them out, the oldest drama-glamour puss will pack her bag and move to Italy!

We even did the awful thing to take what turned out to be an owned cat to the vet to check if he's a missing one because there was a local post about identical cat missing and this one came to our garden in a snow blizzard. The owner was wonderful about it, not angry with us at all (although she had to got to the vet to pick up her puss), and now we know he is a local who visits our garden regularly and I grow some catnip for him.

This happened with DH's first rescue cat.

The cat made friends with NDN, would sleep in his house, beg for food etc. NDN did encourage it, but DH felt bad as he was working loads at the time. NDN was a single teacher so home for a lot of the time and could give the cat a lot more affection.

The cat loved NDN and vice versa so it became official without any real agreement. DH knew cat was in good hands and he would occasionally pop in for a visit (cat not NDN)

He had a note through the door one morning to say cat had been to vets and had advanced stomach cancer, vet advised PTS, would DH object. Of course he didn't, was extremely grateful for the love and care NDN had shown.

NDN & DH both devastated when cat was PTS.

He was a lovely neighbour, we were devastated when he sold up.

One of my cats now lives with my next door neighbour. We see him from time to time - he pretends he doesn't know us - and the cats who still live with me apparently meet up with him in the neighbour's garden before they all go off wherever it is that they go!

Neighbour already has hens and other cats, and now a puppy. We decided it would be easier for her to take care of routine vet visits, and treatment, and if there is every anything more serious or expensive, we'll chat about that if and when.

We did that with 2 cats a few years ago. Living in London at the time in a ground floor flat, and the upstairs neighbours adopted two 6 month old kittens. They would come and visit from time to time and then ended up spending most of their time with us. When we were moving out of London we asked if we could take the cats with us (this was about 2 years after and the cats slept in our bed, were fed by us etc) and they were happy for us to (I would have been heartbroken if they’d have said no).
Definitely position it as you are happy to pay vet bills, flea treatment etc and they sound a bit mean so I’m sure if they think they’ll save a few quid on looking after an old cat they’ll jump at the chance. Sounds to me like they wouldn’t be prepared to spend the money on it anyway even when it will need attention if they can’t even sort out fleas (and probably worms).
If they do agree then first thing you need to do is get the microchip changed. They should have paperwork from the microchip company - you will need the microchip company name and the chip number (petlog and anibase are the most common chip databases). They will be required to fill out a form to hand ownership over to you. If they don’t have the paperwork a vet will be able to scan the cat, get the chip number and let you know what database they are registered with. If it doesn’t have a chip then get it chipped and registered under your name.
Then register with a vets and get the cat some proper flea medication - Stronghold is excellent for fleas and kills and prevents most types of worms too. Get some milbemax (a single tablet given every 3 months) to get rid of any and all type of worms.
Poor cat sound like it needs a lovely home - hope it works out 😊 and you might find that even if they do say no that the cat will not listen and will choose to spend the winter with you anyway 😊

a little update:
I had a friendly chat with my neighbour and asked, they said no as the kid doesn't want to give up her cat. I'm gutted, I really wanted to love and look after that kitty.

But, the good news is that they listened to my suggestion that perhaps even thought she's always been an outdoor cat, now that she's older she wants to be an indoor one and they have let her back into the house. Hopefully cat can now retire and snooze all day in comfort. But I will miss her :(

you don’t choose a cat a cat chooses you . As you have been friendly to said cat , cat probably thinks would be nice place to rest as that’s what cats like to do . My cat is 12 years old and as it’s been a nice summer spent most of it outside now it’s getting cold starts staying in . My cat hardly goes out in winter except when has to call of nature. If it was me I’d keep a look out and maybe let cat in when cold . Neighbour isn’t neglecting just doesn’t want fleas but thing is cats get fleas in summer you just need to put treatment on cats .

Put a catflap in. Then if there's any regression on their part she will find her way to you and some warmth.

Cats definitely decide where they live for themselves, and this cat seems to have chosen you!

I had a very streetwise elderly cat (he’d chosen to live with me 10years before) who was disappearing for longer and longer. He eventually came home with a new collar and name tag! The name tag had a phone no. so I called them. They lived a few streets away and it seems my cat was living in both our houses. He never fully moved out, and I still paid all his vets bills.

The cat has already adopted you. I wouldn’t bother to make it official ( but I’d sneak it to the vet)

You're a good sort, OP. My former neighbour neglected his cat so I informally adopted him (cat, not neighbour. Former neighbour can go fuck himself. But that's a story for another thread).

When I moved, then-neighbour asked me to take not only the cat I had informally adopted but also his other cat, because he couldn't be arsed to look after it properly.

As much as I would have liked to take in the second cat, it wasn't possible.

We got our elderly cat via neighbour's divorce but,in truth, she'd tried to move in before then as they too hardly let her inside.

Turned out she had a terrible flea allergy when we took her to the vet. She'd obviously never been treated poor thing. She lived out her days in a cosy bed next to the radiator,preferred chicken and tuna to cat food and rarely went outside. And she got proper flea prevention too!

Just keep encouraging her in OP